Mrs G. has requested that I post a blog for her ( or is it blog a post?). I am not sure why this is funny but she thought you guys might like it.

“I’m going fishing.”
Really means… “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”
“It’s a guy thing.”
Really means…. “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

“Can I help with dinner?”
Really means… “Why isn’t it already on the table?”

“Uh huh,” “Sure, honey,” or “Yes, dear.”
Really means… Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

“It would take too long to explain.”
Really means… “I have no idea how it works.”

“I’m getting more exercise lately.”
Really means… “The batteries in the remote are dead.”

“We’re going to be late.”
Really means… “Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.”

“Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.”
Really means….”I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

“That’s interesting, dear.”
Really means… “Are you still talking?”

“Honey, we don’t need material things to prove our love.”
Really means… “I forgot our anniversary again.”

“That’s women’s work.”
Really means… “It’s difficult, dirty, and thankless.”

“You know how bad my memory is.”
Really means… “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”

“Oh, don’t fuss. I just cut myself, it’s no big deal.”
Really means… “I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt.”

“I do help around the house.”
Really means… “I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket.”

“Hey, I’ve got my reasons for what I’m doing.”
Really means… “I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon.”

“I can’t find it.”
Really means… “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

“What did I do this time?”
Really means… “What did you catch me doing?”

“I heard you.”
Really means… “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and I’m hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next days yelling at me.”

“You look terrific.”
Really means… “Oh, God, please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.”

“I missed you.”
Really means… “I can’t find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper.”

“I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are.”
Really means… “I’m lost. I have no idea where we are, and no one will ever see us alive again.”

“I don’t need to read the instructions.”
Really means… “I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.”

Nancy has described our contact. Meet our Washington contact. Thanks for the help Buzz

Brock is a bit more rugged yet needing the love of a good woman. Can you all help him?

I’m going to need some help with the “kink” stuff. Right now “kink” to me is sex on a school night. We are on our way to Switzerland. The contact is going to meet him there.

How many bad guys and what are their names? Is there only 1 with a bunch of muscle? Brock kills without remorse. He needs some fodder for his sexual tension.

I was kidding her last night about reading Romance Novels. Apparently, this is like crack for some ladies. It caused me to ponder what is it about a Romance Novel that women like? I have a very vivid imagination, and I would like to think I’m a little bit of a helpless romantic. Then it dawned on me……what great blog fodder. A romance novel online with cyber-assistance from all of you! If Harlequin can do it why not Genuine.

Here is my proposal. I’ll write a parts here and there with your help. You get to make the plot, the characters and even the naughty scenes. What better way to pass the time? Some of you may even be expert romance novelists and not even know.

I’ll get it started…..

Main Character is: Brock Bannister played by Genuine of course.

He lives in the Mountain town of Carbondale, Colorado.

He is a software designer by trade, but actually he is an undercover agent for the CIA to help apprehend a ring of coke smugglers. Carbondale is near Aspen, Colorado in case you are wondering.

We open with Brock getting a phone call from his contact in Washington, ordering him to attend a software conference in a place where the drug lords are planning to meet. Now here goes the first response from you.

1. Who is the contact in Washington (Man or Women), a name?

2. Where is Brock going? It must be your most romantic spot. A Cabin in the woods, an exotic country, a beach front property? You decide.

I’ll submit part of chapter I on the weekend. Be as crazy as you like. I’ll make sure we have a bibliography of those that contributed.

I stole the list from the Naming Committee and I thought I would reveal those here. Let us know what you think, by casting your vote fot the top three in order of 1-3. These names below are in alphabetical order so as not to sway the jury with an order of importance. Pick the top three and then we will have a final vote from those three to see if we can sway the committee. A committee of one I might state for the record.

1. Aidan

2. Bo

3. Brody

4. Chase

5. Hadden

6. Jonah

7. Kegan

8. Logan

9. Marek

10. Noah

11. Payton

12. Tristan

Once all the votes have been tallied, we will choose the top three names by votes, and we will have a final vote. Hey, we have ten weeks what else to pass the time?

Please be advised that this list could change at anytime. The decision of the committee chair is final and any appeal has been waived. This is not a democratic process, as the dictator Mrs. G has full veto power and holds all the cards.

Yet to come? A baby pool to guess the weight and date of birth. Winner to receive a prize to be determined. Keep in mind this is our third child so we are trying to spice things up here. A little of the newness has worn off.

You guys play a little rough when it comes to the questions. Some of you broke the rules and asked more than two, but I am happy to oblige with responses to each. Some of them are a bit whimsical, but for the most part, I tried to be Genuine!

As promised here is my hump-day post.

Etherian asks:

1. If you had one whole day to do as you please regardless of the cost or consequences, what would you do?

I would play an early morning round of golf at the Masters Course in Augusta, GA, than hop on a private jet to California and play Pebble Beach. Don’t forget the massage and private chef on the plane, and maybe the Hooters Calendar girls.

2. Joe Boxer or Fruit of the Loom?

Actually a little of both. Boxer Briefs. I do have Joe Boxer jammies.

3. If the Genuine Kidlets were animals, what animal would they be?

The Genuine Kidlets are animals! Actually, I think they would be Howler Monkeys!

Amber asks:

1. Top or bottom…. um.. bunk… yeah that’s right, Bunk – top or bottom bunkbed?

I love the bottom. It is easier to slide into, and not as much work. I find I get much deeper sleep on bottom. Being on top can be dangerous for some.

2. If wishes were horses, and horses could fly, and you knew how to ride a flying horse… where would you go?

I would go around the world stopping at every city where I had friends. This could be a very short trip.

Miss Chin asks:

1. When did you know Mrs. G was the one?

The first time she sacrificed her own wants and needs to allow for mine which was something I rarely observed before.

2. If you could change anything about your life what would it be and why?

I would have liked to have been taller. My dreams were stopped because of my height. I’m only 5’ 7’ tall.

Debby asks:

1. HOW did you know Mrs. G. was the one?

Actually this is the same response as “when”. Hey, she was my bartender.

2. Favorite breakfast cereal.

Frosted Mini-Wheats

Isabella asks:

1. Did you go to your high school prom?

Mine and three others. In mine I was part of the Royalty. “Open Arms” by Journey was our prom theme song. I wore a white tux with tails.

2. Do you remember high school as a fun time or a rotten time?

High School was my 15 minutes. I played both football and baseball on each varsity team for 3 years. I was the typical high school QB you see in the movies except I was friends with everyone. No real cliques. I had the coolest and prettiest girlfriend, and went to every party and function. Big fish small pond.

Zoot asks:

1. If your wife wanted to take your son to get a pedicure with her, what would you say? (especially if he heard RUEBEN from AI say he got them all the time)

“Can I go too?”

2. What is your one secret movie that you love but are ashamed to tell anyone you love?

Mary Poppins followed by a close second of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Autumn asks:

1. Choose (only) three words to describe yourself.

Genuine, Chivalrous, and Open.

2. How do you take it? Black or with cream?

Preferably intravenously, but I don’t have time for coffee additives. Black is perfect. God I hope you were talking about coffee.

Gina asks:

1. What do you think is your biggest fault?

Sometimes I can be a bit too righteous for others.

2. What is your best quality?

My sense of humor.

3. What is your favorite vegetable?

Corn on the Cob, followed by any kind of potato. I think I spelled that right which makes me ineligible for the Vice Presidency.

4. What’s your favorite room in your house and why?

It used to be my family room with my big TV and recliner. Recently, I have developed a strong affinity for my den. I’m a blogaholic now.

5. Britney or XTina?

Britney, unless she speaks, then Christina.

Shaunacat asks:

1. Assuming that reincarnation is real, what would you like to come back as and why?

My father’s dog. He has received better treatment than I ever did. Actually that is mostly true. I would love to be a dog loved by his master.

2. What is the most daring thing that you’ve ever done? (Daring as in extreme risk to yourself or others)

Sex without a condom.

3. Cargo pants or jeans?

Jeans are my life.

Yvonne asks

1. If you’re very pregnant wife asked you to get her a gallon of ice cream at 10pm, would you dare respond to her by saying “That’s not very nutritious and you really need to keep your weight down?”

I go at any hour necessary and I bring back two gallons! Hey, she is the mother of my children she ROCKS!

2. If your very pregnant wife got a severe leg cramp at 2am would you dare tell her to “Get up and walk it off” or would you RUB IT FOR HER?

She would have to come find me first. 2 a.m. is not yet my bedtime. Since she had to walk to find me point is moot. I always rub anything she directs me to.

Mindy asks:

1. If we all lived in the same town, what do you think the chances would be that we’d get a molecule of work done, EVER, and how long before we’d all be sent to rehab, our rooms, the loony bin? Do you think our spouses would have to resort to grounding us from each other?

Quiet a complex and compound question, to be answered with only one word. YES!

We would work together while undergoing rehab at the loony bin. I forgot to mention, I have been grounded now for about a month.

2. What’s the baby’s name going to be?

Genuine Baby, but I must say, Logan is on the list, along with 11 other names to be posted here later and voted on by our readers. Actually, we were thinking of doing the ebay name our baby auction.

Liz asks

1. Rare, Medium or Well-done?

Medium Rare. I like the blood to be warm.

2. Diet Coke or Pepsi?

Diet Pepsi by the truckload.

3. Sleeping on stomach or back?

What the hell is sleep? I usually end up face down.

4. Do blondes really have more fun?

All hair color has fun with me. I have only experienced a few blondes, but I would have to say no, not more fun but maybe more dates.

Cher asks:

1. What is your favorite restaurant in the Lodo area? (BD’s Mongolian BBQ for me)

The Chop House next door to Coors Field. All the hockey teams eat there. My daughter got to meet the entire Chicago Blackhawks team when she was about 9 months old. She was passed around like a fatty at a Grateful Dead concert. (Keep it clean). They have white cheddar mashed potatoes that you would literally kill for.

2. Are you an early bird or night owl? (Me, night owl.)

I usually don’t sleep until early morning. That I guess makes me more of a vampire.

Meeta asks

1. If you had to come back as an animal, what would you come back as?

See Father’s dog reference above. Not a foo foo lap dog, but a working breed, i.e. Lab.

2. If you could want anything in the world for your children…what would it be?

Freedom from any emotional or physical pain.

TJ asks:

ooh, ok. here come the JUICY questions … mwahahaha:

1. What’s your favorite juice?

Crown Royal

2. Why?

Crown Royal

Casey asks:

1. If you could have dinner with one person from history: who, where and why?

My grandfather. He was killed by a drunk driver when I was 7. I have wanted to talk to him ever since that time. (Also Abe Lincoln)

2. Which book influenced you most before the age of 10?

I actually called my Mom so she could go to the Library in our basement to find the book I first read cover to cover. Besides Run Spot Run. I think it was called Blackie or something. It was about a dog that got lost. I also loved a book about football. It had biographies about then famous players. I aspired to be Joe Namath. Yeah I am that old.

3. Coffee or tea? …and how do you take it?

I love coffee black, and I can drink tea, with a bit of milk.

Andreah

1. Is it true you had a crush on your babysitter?

My Mom is our babysitter. How am I supposed to answer that? As a child, it was my grandmother! So uh ……..crush is not exactly the descriptive term.

2. Is it true that you bite your fingernails?

Never have.

3. Do you say anything when someone around you sneezes? (Whether you know them or not)

I always say “bless you” to everyone. I have been known to hand tissues to complete strangers.

4. What is the sexiest part of your wife’s body?

Her eyes, smile and dimples. *melt*

5. What is the sexiest part of your body? (you answer, no fair asking your wife what she thinks)

I have a nice ass. No really!

Avrialeden asks:

If you had to choose a favorite sister in law.who would it be? (just jokin around)

Yes folks, she is my only “legal” SIL.

Ok for real now…

1. Have you ever had the nerve to streak in public?

Yes, but never had the urge.

2. What is the craziest thing you and your wild brothers have ever done??

It was near the Mexican border during a weekend of Bachelor Partying. Sorry, I have been sworn to secrecy. Let’s just say a golf cart was severely wrecked that weekend, Tequila was involved and a 7 iron.

Carrie asks

Damn, everybody had reallyyyy good questions! Ok well you likely know what mine will be but here goes:

1. Describe your worst professional dilemma and how you resolved it?

Under advice of counsel, I am not at liberty to discuss the details. Email me and I’ll let you know. It did not involve Tequila or a 7 iron.

2. If you could have only one book on a deserted island, which book would it be and why?

I would have to say the Bible. Each time I have read it I have learned something new or have had a different perspective on what I read.

Thanks to a few friends, I was able to put up the Countdown to Genuine Baby, and now everyone that wants to contact me, now has a point and click way of doing it. The links are up there, in the “About” section.

Somehow 70 days does not sound like enough time. Can I call a timeout or a do over?

Of course Mrs. G told me last night that she would not mind getting this over with in a hurry. I guess she better hurry up on that name. More to follow on the name front.

Mindy has asked, and being the guy I am, I ask…..How High?

Mrs.G’s due date is July 7.

She will be officially 31 weeks on Thursday, and yes we know it has three legs. (“We” intend to have a quick poll on the names. Actually Mrs. G is the leader of the naming committee and has compiled a 12 pack of names. Narrowed down from 16 in 6 months)

Now if someone could help me find one of those countdown thingy’s that I can add to my site, we’ll put it in the side bar to coundown until the due date. I think we should have one that also monitor’s my blood pressure to see it change the closer we get to the fireworks (again pun intended).

While we are at it, can someone tell me how to add a link for my email address? Not that I want anyone of you to have access to me. I just want to flirt with you, and oh maybe you.

My geek factor is about a 3.

P.S. I love it when a woman jumps right on something! Thanks to Simply Shylah I now have reason not to sleep. 71 days? Holy Christ on a Cracker!

P.S.S. The rest of the Cavalry arrived and Nef and ASB helped me install my email sans Spam. Now if I could just figure out what that hell I said, all would be well.

Some things are just too good to pass up. I just received this gem (not exactly work safe, but not horrible) via email:

I would pay for everything in rolls of quarters!

I am fairly certain after watching the tape, I have determined that the NHL, and the referees do not want to see the Colorado Avalanche win a Stanley Cup again this year. This is the last year of the current arrangements between players and ownership. A new collective bargaining agreement is going to be negotiated and there is probably going to be a lockout and players strike. The ownership cannot afford to have people from a small market like Denver be the voice of reason. They need to have big city teams in the finals – more revenue, more ratings. Of course, during the Winter Olympics, Denver was the number one audience for viewers. They need to have big market teams in the finals. That is my theory and I’m sticking to it. Oh, and there were two shooters on the grassy knoll, Elvis ain’t dead, and Lewinsky was a plant by the RWC.

Well, since the kids have not been very funny recently, my wife’s 30 weeks pregnant, and giving more attention to her pillow than me, I might as well join the desperate few that have gone with the question post.

I think I’m stealing it from Nicole who stole it from SkurdyCat, who stole it from from someone, and now I’m tired of tracking down the original…if it was you, tell me for credit.

Ask me any two questions you want. Leave the questions in the comments section. I will answer them in a a separate post on Hump Day that would be Wednesday for you non-humping people. Remember….everyone in my family reads this so make sure and embarass them big time!