Well at least he has the potatoes down to a science. He had nearly a whole baked potato all by himself. Can someone fill me in on how we are going to feed three boys?????
Daddy had nearly a whole bottle of Francis Coppola Family Winery 1996 Cabernet Sauvignon (bottle 5947/6912). I only admit to this because I want to protect Mrs. G’s virtue. This was a wonderful bottle, and anyone that wants to get me a Father’s Day gift knows my taste in wine now so no excuses!
Of course Jim and I could sit and talk all night about wine…..oh yeah….we did. Or was that sit and drink wine all night? I can’t seem to remember. Must have been the whiskey in between the bottles of wine. I hope nobody noticed that extra long hug that I gave Lu! That’s the story I’m sticking to–of course, it could have been she was the one that carried me to the car and I only thought she was hugging.
Just a quick note that all is well with Genuine. Turns out I did some soft tissue damage to the ribs and sternum, and all-in-all, I’m healthy as an ox. Well I at least look and smell like one.
My blood screen was negative for pulmonary embolisim, my liver screen did not show I drink too much, which tends to make me wonder who they actually tested, and my x-rays were negative for any weird spots.
The docotr has given me a clean bill of health and now I can go back to the path of destruction I was on. Well, I might want to lose some weight and get some exercise, but that is what all the doctors say. Oh yeah, and he told me to slow down a little. Then I told him we had number four on the way and three others 5 and under. He gave me Dr. Kevorkian’s number.
All I get to do now is rest and take some muscle relaxers which might, as a side effect make me……..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Today has been a very gloomy day. The rain falls outside as I type this, making for a cold and damp existence. The kids have been cooped up all day and we have watched alot of TV and explained about 1000 times why it would not be best if they played outside in the cold and the rain. I think perhaps they are driving mommy crazy enough to make her play outside.
On the birghtside, I have taken about three naps, and caught up on some much needed rest.
The other brightside is I have had no sypmtoms that caused the wild midnite ride in the ambulance. I want to thank all of you that stopped by and commented giving me well wishes and showing some concern. I often make fun of my age as I grow older, but an ambulance ride makes you really want to be young again. My day is looking especially bright in spite of the gloominess that looms outside.
I hope everyone had a happy and safe Memorial Day Weekend. Now I think I’ll eat dinner and go to bed.
Mrs. G: What did they say?
Genuine: I’m on hold. They are calling the paramedics and want to keep me on the line.
Mrs. G: Are they coming for you?
Genuine: She didn’t say. Maybe you should wait outside just in case.
[One Hour Earlier]
[Nancy Sinatra's "Bang Bang" playing in the background during "Kill Bill"]
The tightness began as a slow dull throb. My heartbeat was felt as a drone of drums. My breath became short. This was only the beginning of the onslaught of symptoms.
I’m not sure that watching the TV was anything vigorous that could cause this pain and shortness of breath, but it began as a sudden onset. I jumped up to try to curb the pain by grabbing the Advil, jamming down 800mg and warm water to wash it down. Next I grabbed a bottle of TUMS in case this was the grandaddy of heartburn.
This was not even close to what I felt as a nuisance of the acidic feeling of heartburn. This had a different onset. I have had this feeling before and it was after a huge linebacker had blindsided my sternum cracking it in two separate spots.
Sidestepping the details of the next hour and how I was feeling, but suffice it to say its height caused me to vomit from the pain, and dizziness began.
Genuine: “Perhaps we should call the nurse.”
This is not a Genuine fiction. The ambulance arrived in short order and a the paramedics were standing in the family room. The nitro they sprayed under my tongue caused an immediate headache, but strangely it freshened my breath. I hadn’t had a baby aspirin in forever, but its chalky sweet taste brought back memories of childhood. I spent the night in the Emergency Room wondering why morphine would not take the edge off the pain, confusing the doctors due to a perfect EKG, and blood tests that were negative. A very healthy heart is what I heard over and over.
Final diagnosis was an inflamed chest wall and inflammation of the rib cartilage.
10 mg of morphine did not do anything to alleviate the pain. It did produce a sense of humor however…
ER Doctor: Any strenuous activity recently?
Genuine: You mean besides the wild sex? Not really.
Actually there was nothing funny about watching the top of the ambulance riding to the hospital. It made me think of my family and it angered me thinking they could be without a father and husband. At that point I knew I would be fine. There is something about looking at immortality that makes a person take a step back. Of course, it can produce some great blog fodder!
Ah to be young again….ah what the hell, I’m going swimming too!
Well I decided to listen to Mango Radio today and I was pleasantly surprised with a new song by the Bloodhound Gang. We are thinking of making this the Genuine theme song! Check out these lyrics! That’s all I’m saying…
“A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying”
I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy’s Hump Palace lookin’ for love.
It had been a while.
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
since that midnight run haulin’ hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin’ gallons
through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,
milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
Name was Russell.
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Well I find it’s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Well, faster than you can say, “shallow grave”,
this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin’ my balls
like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
Said her name was Bambi and I said, “Well that’s a coincidence darlin’,
’cause I was just thinkin’ about skinnin’ you like a deer.”
Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,
and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
as I do my little kooky dance.
And then she told me to shush.
I guess she could sense my desperation.
‘Course, it’s hard to hide a hard-on when you’re dressed like Minnie Pearl.
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Well I find it’s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
So, Bambi’s goin’ on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
So I says, “Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus’s tummy-tum?”
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I’m parkin’ the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
Got to nail her back at her trailer.
Heh. That rhymes.
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
when I found out she was doin’ me to buy baby formula.
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Well I find it’s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N’ Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin’ through the latest issue of “Throb”,
when I saw Bambi starin’ at me from the back of a milk carton.
Well, my heart just dropped.
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin’ seventy-five
in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
Did I say that out loud?
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Well I find it’s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Thanks to www.azlyrics.com
For two weeks now I have had a battle on my hands. I have been fighting off heartburn, or acid reflux or whatever makes you think your chest is on fire and the acid is slowly eating away the esophagus and chewing a hole in the diaphragm. This topped with the fact that I am suffering from headaches from the eyeglasses I am wearing because of the sandstorm incident, and I am looking like death warmed over. Not that I didn’t already look like that, but now its compounded exponentially.
This has not allowed me to sleep my normal 2-3 hours straight so it has messed up my whole functioning and pattern. To that end, I have stayed home today to try and get back on track. I need to get some rest, eat well, and perhaps get out and get some fresh air. I suppose I could get it piped in to the den here where the computer is, but I am going to stick to the old fashioned way and maybe go outside *gasp*. Yeah I know. Hey, we have WIFI, I could blog from the back deck. I might even do some live cam from the Genuine deck. There is no rule that says a Genuine Bash can only happen once in a month. What do you think? A Genuine Bash from the back deck?
I could BBQ some animal flesh and you could bring the beer! We have a wonderful recipe for London Broil with Black Bean and Corn Salsa!
No wonder the heartburn is here. Honey?……..where’s the TUMS?
Why do we spend all that money on fertilizer for our grass? A) It makes your Lawn grow faster + B) When your lawn grows faster, you have to mow it more = C)Mowing it more means too much work.
It’s kinda like making your bed–when you make it you just mess it up again when you go to bed.
Yeah Mom, I know–”that argument still ain’t gonna fly”.
Well I was almost made to look foolish with my statement that “lightsabers don’t kill people”. Apparently some real brilliant people in the UK decided to fill some glass tubes with some flammable liquid and then commence a battle, only to lose to common sense.
We all know you are supposed to use these things only after having had a large quantity of alcohol! Then it doesn’t hurt so bad when the light saber blows up in your hand.
This might be a hint that I am a little tired and might need a better night’s sleep…
I decided since I got to work a little early I would sit and listen to the radio a few minutes and then head up to the office. I awoke 25 minutes later.
