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I guess we know where I would stand on the issue of Mrs. G being pregnant again, you think?
I will post my answers to the rest of the questions tonight!
UPDATE: Sorry work got in the way of posting answers. I will get them up today sometime.
I have not done this in a while, but I thought since I really had no other motivation or inspiration I would open up the questions and let every ask me something about me. I am starting my third year here at Genuine and I have a new bunch of readers that may have no idea about who what where and why. Now is your chance to ask me something and find out the real scoop. Go ahead ask me.
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…this sentence.
You know you have had too many kids when _______________.
I’ll get it started.
…you can no longer use them as a tax deduction.
…your wife decides to tattoo EXIT on her private parts.
It has been 25 years since that day when I asked that certain question. 25 very eventful years of trials and tribulations, with many ups and downs and lots of life experiences. 25 years of searching and wondering looking for the answer to the mysteries of life. Each day in 25 years always looking for that elusive response to my inquiry on that fateful day.
The question I asked on that day 25 years ago? Simple:
What in the hell will I ever need to use the Pythagorean theorem for in real life?
The search continues…
We have never used a pacifier on our kids. It always seemed like that would be just one more thing to have to take from them later. Daddy on the other hand…
I don’t mean the latest in college basketball defenses and I certainly don’t mean that region in southwestern Colorado where you can actually have your body in four states at the same time. My parents actually went there on their honeymoon. In a picture taken by my Mom, my Dad has a hand in two states and both feet in a different state, but I digress.
I am speaking of my toddler and his suffering from teething. I appreciate the medical terminology better when they describe teething as the “eruption of dentition in infants”. It sounds so much more descriptive of the process. The four corners are the four corners of the front of the mouth that are the last of the visible teeth to break through the gingiva (I love that word for gums). The eruption of dentition through the gingiva. Now THAT sounds painful.
My toddler is fighting this battle. He is always cranky and chewing on things like a puppy, and more importantly it is waking him every few hours during the night. This in turn wakes Mommy and me every few hours. The sad part is, he doesn’t actually wake up, as it’s more of a announcement during sleep that his teething sucks. Mommy will walk into his room, pat him on the back, soothing him and within seconds he is blissfully sleeping again. Everyone else in the house does not have such an easy time of falling back to sleep. Genuine Toddler wants to make sure everyone in the house hears that he is hurting and wanting some attention, including Genuine baby who is a very light sleeper. The baby seems to be a bit of an insominiac like his father.
According to and article I read in the American Association of Pediatric Dentistry (.pdf download of the article)
Primary teeth take an average of two months to reach full eruptive position with an average age of eruption being 0.7mm per month. This suggests that young children are in an active state of eruption from approximately 6 months until 3 years of age.
If my math works correctly, with two of my four children being over the age of three, I have endured 5 years of teeting and I am partially through the next 5 years of teething, for a total of 10 years of sleepless nights all due to teeth. It’s no wonder I’m not a fan of dentists. No offense to dentists out there, but I have yet to make an appointment with a dentist that didn’t cost $2,000.
I hope he gets over this stage soon, and not because I’m sharing and rubbing his gums with Crown Royal! (It is no substitute for Anbesol on the rocks.) The other selfish reason I have for wanting him to get over this stage is that when his mother has to rock him back to sleep, and he has stirred the baby out of his slumber, it means that both parents have to get out of bed!!!
The President has indicated that the US is addicted to oil and we must find ways to reduce our consumption. This way we can rely less on foreign energy sources that might put our country in danger or might make it difficult for us in the future.
Mr. President I would like to offer my own solution to this problem and would implement my plan immediately. I will reduce my oil consumption as much as is possible. I am wondering what the government will do for me in exchange for my plan. The plan for my oil consumption reduction is as follows:
I will not drive to work. This is the lion share of my oil consumption, and if you can make it so I don’t have to work in the office away from home in order to support my family, I will gladly make this sacrifice.
I will reduce the amount of oil I use to heat my home. This will more than likely mean that I will need to reduce the heat output, and will mean that I will need to spend more time underneath the comforter in my bed staying warm. Of course, I will do other things under the comforter to continue to heat my body as well which wil also have a profound effect on my oil consumption.
I will sell off one of my vehicles making it unnecessary to put oil and gasoline into this vehicle. Since I will not be driving to work any longer, this seems at best, excessive.
For and in consideration of my sacrifices above, I would expect the government would be willing to also sacrifice some things in order to accomodate the aforementioned list.
The goverenment should agree that all income tax that I would have paid in working should be paid to the family for its sacrifice. This would help offset the amount of money we would spend on food, clothing and other necessities.
If we are going to spend more time between the sheets, the governement should subsidize those families that purchase a sleep number bed. Afterall, more time in bed will cause more wear and tear on the bed not to mention more problems with sore backs. A massage a week could be thrown in for those families needing a king sized bed.
Since we will be a one vehicle family, it will be necessary to have a luxury SUV to transport a family of the size and quantity I have, and the price of said vehicle should also be reduced to reflect our sacrifice. Mandatory insurance of course would be necessary and I beleive this expense could be subsidized by the government as well.
You see, I am willing to meet the President half way on the issue of oil consumption and I think that fairness dictates that my half and their half would make a whole. As I said before, I would be willing to implement this plan immediately.
I am taking some NSAID’s for my foot, and I forgot that the side effects I have with this particular medication is drowsiness. The good news is I was able to take a little 2 minute cat nap. The bad news is……I’m at work! Ugh!
Oh well, if I can nod off for about 2 minutes at my desk, it will be real easy to go to bed tonight after dinner. Then again, I forgot about the non-drowsy formula at home, the two youngest children. They don’t allow drowsy.
It’s a good thing I only work on people’s legal matters it could be something more important, like heavy machinery!
At least he has a cause. I think after reading through these numbers about his divorce from Jennifer Aniston, he has a pretty good start on being able to cure poverty, at least his own.
