It would be so much easier if they would just grow up already.  Of course, when the two year old responds with “make me” after asking him not to do something, I think they will never make their next birthday.

As I stated in the previous post, the evidence is more than circumstantial. It appears we have enough evidence for a conviction of the little rascal.

and if the jury still needs more evidence, we have this as Exhibit B:

The good news is the marker came right off of the arms and legs of the criminal using a little known secret of the jailer…

Bug Spray

Must be that deet and Sharpie are not friends as far as the chemicals are concerned.  Spray on some Cutter’s Bug Spray and wipe with paper towel, and problem solved.  It seemed to work ok on the dresser and the other furniture as well.  The good news is that we intended to paint this room and have a newly purchased gallon of Kilz2, a latex paint primer.  Apparently, they really don’t like the color of their sister’s old room.

Why is it that we learn to count to ten?  I think it is so that later in life when we have our own children, we can count to ten to keep from tearing their faces off and…well you get the idea.

Our counting has been numerous lately as the kids go back to school and the other ones get free reign of the home.  What was it this time?  As I understand it, we can wrap up the fiasco in a few words, Sharpie, unsupervised, art, Genuine Toddler.

Evidentiary pictures may be posted later if the evidence cannot be cleaned up with the all powerful Oxy-Clean.

It has been while since my last post.  Why does that sound like a confessional?  Actually the last time I posted we were reeling from some bad news.  Yes, Mrs. G. Was laid off from a job that we were very much relying upon.  I am no longer employed with my large company that I was employed with for 17 years, and we had moved all of our benefits into her egg basket not one month earlier.  She would be the bread winner, I the SAHD with a little side work on the Internet.  Fate has a funny way of playing its cards.  Now it seems that the online business I am running is the only positive cash flow we have and it does not come with a single benefit.  Insert funny joke here about the Genuine children and their propensity for going to the ER.

With that great news last week we decided to unplug a little and go camping. There is nothing like a little fresh air and sunshine and a star covered night to lift your spirits.  Come to find out that our luck continued and it rained and was cloudy a large portion of the trip.  I’m ready for some good news.  Can anyone share a good news story with me? 

Have you seen the destruction of an F5 tornado?  I think the Greenberg, Kansas Facebook video shows the destruction quite well.  A client’s blog posted about the town going green and you can see the video there.  If you are wondering how I came up with the F5 tornado, it is a simple math solution. 

Add one 2 year old, with one 3 year old and you have the makeup of an F5 tornado. 2+3=5, simple.  Actually, I learned about F5 tornado’s not in the real world, but of course like everything else, I learned it in the movies:

Joey: [Discussing at Meg's on the tornadoes they have seen so far] No, that was a good size twister. What was it, an F3?
Bill: Solid F2.
Melissa: See, now you have lost me again.
Bill: It’s the Fujita scale. It measures a tornado’s intensity by how much it eats.
Melissa: Eats?
Bill: Destroys.
Laurence: That one we encountered back there was a strong F2, possibly an F3.
Beltzer: Maybe we’ll see some 4′s.
Haynes: That would be sweet!
Bill: 4 is good. 4 will relocate your house very efficently.
Melissa: Is there an F5?
[Everyone goes dead silent]
Melissa: What would that be like?
Jason ‘Preacher’ Rowe: The Finger of God.

Yes , I tend to get all of my wisdom from Hollywood. 

I wonder if the Governor will grant me some FEMA type money to clean up this mess.  Wait, I just heard something in the kitchen…yes, we have another touchdown and I don’t mean football.

It is not often that I get to actually sit in the quiet and without any outside distractions of television, children, laundry, housecleaning, dishwashing, refereeing, policing, etc, and sit and read a book.  We it got started on the wrong foot, but eventually the house was eerily quiet and I settled in with a book that my MIL bought for me for Father’s Day, or it may have been my birthday or well you get the idea.

I started reading “The Road” by Cormac McCarthy.  For those of you that don’t know who that is, he was also the one that wrote “All the Pretty Horses” which was made into a movie by Matt Damon.  The book grabbed me and wouldn’t let go as it describes a post-apocalyptic trek of a man and his son as they try to be the survivors of a tragedy many of us can only dream about.  It is especially a book that Father’s would enjoy as it describes a man’s feelings for a son and the way life changes in a horrific setting.  I give it a thumbs up and it is definitely worth a look.  It’s a quick read as I said I finished it in an evening.

Speaking of roads…

On the way to Vacation Bible School as I dropped the kids off, I noticed a sign that warns that a “Blind Child”  may be playing and to use caution while you are driving.  I spoke to a few of my neighbors and we have decided to erect our own sign for our neighborhood…the sign will read “Dumb Children”.

Every day I ask my children what they want to eat for lunch, I have to wait for the second or third answer.  Why?  Undoubtedly the first answer is usually “McDonald’s!”.  I’m not sure what the food contains, but it has the ability to make my children believe that somehow the food at McDonald’s taste better than any other on the planet.  I could offer to feed them homemade root beer floats topped with cotton candy for lunch and they would still choose McDonald’s and a nugget that has been sitting on the counter for five days under a heat lamp.  I was wondering when reading my feeds this morning how much was paid for this study.  I could have saved them a bundle of money if they had just asked me what 3-5 year old children would rather have to eat.  Talk about setting up a study that would be easy to do:

Study author Dr. Tom Robinson is quoted as saying kids’ perception of taste was “physically altered by the branding.” Even carrots, milk and apple juice tasted better to the kids if they thought the food was from McDonlad’s (sic).

The study involved 63 low-income children from Head Start centers in San Mateo County, Calif. Only two of the 63 said they’d never eaten at McDonald’s; about one-third ate there at least weekly. [source: Media Buyer Planner]

What is even more telling is that the children were of low income homes.  They have made the meals fast, appealing and affordable.  Now if I could figure out what they put into the food that makes my child want to eat brussel sprouts wrapped in a McDonald’s wrapper, but won’t eat a simple green bean put on his plate by Del Monte that would be a study.

We recently had our carpets cleaned for the first time since being in this house.  Yes, I think when they dumped the bucket on this one, they had to alert the EPA.

Since that time we have had a number of unconventional spills and stains that are quickly mounting up which are piling up more than when the house was brand new.  I’m not sure why.  Sort of a Genuine’s Law thing I guess.

Today we decided to go in a different direction.  We decided that we would make our kids clean the carpets instead of staining them and otherwise “marking their territory”.  The first day went pretty good, there were no spills, but they took the cleaning a little bit to the extreme when dumping an entire large economy sized bottle of Head and Shoulders shampoo on the carpet.  I’m not really sure how to approach this dilemma.

How bad is my memory these days?  Let me give an example.

I changed my son’s dirty diaper.  I threw away said diaper in the toxic dump we call a trash can that holds said poopie diapers.

Moments later…much later…I found that I had forgotten something.  Like something important.  Like putting another diaper on said son.  I noticed this after he escaped outside and was standing in the driveway sans anything covering his nether regions.

I was very disappointed I was not able to attend the BlogHer conference in Chicago this year, but I sent a couple of friends with instructions to help spread the word.  I decided I would attend any way I could and found myself in a virtual world.  The virtual world of Second Life.

Yes, I am now a Second Lifer, even though I’m having a heck of a time with this real lifer stuff.  For those that don’t know, Second Life is a virtual world where you can be just about anything and anyone you want.  I suggest those of you that want, go check it out.  They allow you to go through a cool tutorial portion to start and its really helpful.  It’s also very important to find a Second Life mentor if you can.  A mentor is a persona already indoctrinated in the ways of Second Life.  Sort of like blogging when you first began.

I found a couple of bloggers (Gidge is the one that helped me most) while I was there and made some great friends. While watching some of the BlogHer sessions, I was able to find a special mommy blogger and I read her profile.  She talked about her recent diagnosis with breast cancer and I decided to drop her a line and introduce myself.  We chatted a while and found that we had some things in common and new some people as co-friends. 

I really want to share her story with you and I want you all to go over and say hello.  She is having a rough time with her treatment and I think we could all benefit (cancer or not) from a nice greeting from a concerned person.  Tell her Genuine sent you over to say hello.

Oh, and by the way if you are ever in Second Life, look me up, it’s easy to find me just look for CaptainGenuine Kidd.