I have always liked the movie "My Fair Lady”. I was thinking of this song the other day when dealing with a woman in an industry not really related to mine. If you don’t know the song, it is sung by Professor Higgins (Rex Harrison) to Pickering in his house, and it is called a Hymn to Him. Since most of the readers of my blog here are women, my intent is not to offend but to merely throw out the same question. “Why can’t a woman be more like a man?”
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Touchy subject!!
I know the words," You can attract bees with honey not vinegar" don't normally come into play when a woman feels she isn't being taken seriously. Look at Amerosa! (from The Apprentice) She was fired for being basically a witch. She felt she was being totally professional. Most of us felt she was being a professional *^&%$$. I think it depends.
Men tend to be more straight forward and emotionless (generalizing of course) when it comes to business. Most woman can't seperate that.
So yes, to deal with the sharks in the business world I believe most woman feel like they have to be total control freaks and strong personalities to get respect.
PS Chocolate always helps!
First, them's fightin' wurds! *straightens up hair*
Second, I find that I am taken much more seriously if I don't act like a crazy person. Truth. But that's me. Everyone keeps telling me I think and act more like a guy anyway, so maybe my word as a woman should be on the clearance rack.
The best way to deal with a lunatic is to walk away unfazed, if at all possible. Just let them go on making your point for you, without giving more fuel or target practice.
Oh, I'm full of good advice when it's not me. But it's still good advice.
True story. When I took my current job, my predecessor (and every female within a 100-yard radius) HATED my boss two levels up. Classic prick, pinkie rings, wandering eye, dick to match, penis car*, bottomless pit of irresistable charm, power issues.
My predecessor warned me about interactions with him. I even went with her for a sample. She listened to him nitpick & micromanage and show off for the new fish. She took it. And then she muttered to herself all the way back down the hall and into her office, where she stewed and complained. Huh.
Once she was gone, I went to those meetings alone. And I didn't just sit there. If there was a counterpoint, I made it. If he was asking for something ridiculous, I walked around him verbally for a moment and then showed him the view from the other side. If he pulled a power play, I stood up (3 inches, baby, all I needed) and looked at him a moment before doing what he asked.
That guy NEVER gave me more shit than he thought he could get away with. And now he's been gone 6 years, I have a bigger office, make more than he did, and once had the dubious pleasure of listening to him kiss my ass for three days at a conference where he was trying to drum up business as a consultant. Yeah, I scrubbed it later.
And yeah, I realize that I should just get my own blog. In fact, I'm posting this there too, but I'll trackback. ;-)
Hang in there, toots. Let her make you point for you. Others notice.
*Penis Car: the kind of car that makes you want to pull up alongside at a stop light, roll down your window, and shout, "Sorry about your penis!"
I have a bunch of opinions about this, but I'll refrain and just point you to an excellent book that taught me a lot:
Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men at Work
by Deborah Tannen
( http://www.powells.com/cgi-bin/biblio?inkey=62-0380717832-0 )
Men and women interact and communicate in different ways, and there's plenty of crazy on both sides.
Because if women were like men then humans would have died out years ago. ;)
Oh wait, you mean in the work place. No clue, I gave up that rat race. Good luck!
First, I am definitely going to read Mindy's blog. She seems to know how to ascend without being a raving lunatic.
Second, being a bitch and/or a lunatic is not the answer. Unfortunately, I've known many women who are or were like that. Some are successful, some are not. The results vary depending on the industry, staff, level of fear of her, etc.
I sympathize tremendously with your position however. I had the opposite experience (ie. only woman executive in a company filled with 18 men...and of course the boss's wife).
My advice to you is this: when a workplace is that unbalanced (ie. gender and conversations etc.) it's better to make a move. Things will never change, at least not without a major upheaval. You're already stressed and somewhat excluded. I think you deserve better. Polish off that resume and start looking before your stress load gets so bad you don't even have the energy for that effort. A well run company doesn't let someone toxic like that dominate everybody else. The toxic ones exist, but they're not as influential.
Just my two cents. :-)