I can't wait to teach my son the little intricacies of life. Those little tidbits that I as a wise man learned as I was growing up and becoming a man. Things that are important, things that matter, and things that can be passed from one generation to the next. The first thing I think I'll teach him, is.......
read more »Pee sitting down when you are at home, or your big brother or friend will give you a hard newgy on the head if he sits on a wet seat.
Don't touch your moms Twinkies, or you're dead!
Don't get an egg from the frigerator and cook it in boiling water to hatch a chicken, you will kill it and have a big white mess.
Don't eat at Red Lobster, because you could catch crabs there!
Ok, if I think of anything else I will post it here later. Have a nice day Genuine!
Contrary to popular belief ping pong paddles will not help your fly off your dresser.
I think it would be riding a bike with no hands and taking your feet off the pedals is a sure way to end up in the ditch.
Using Icy Hot for toothpaste will not relieve a toothache.
Important for Hula Boy - Riding down a glacier on a plastic bag may end up giving more of a rock collection than you care to have or experience!
- never lick a steak knife
- When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
- You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
-Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
- Never, under ANY circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Make sure you wash your hands after touching hot chilis, do NOT touch your eyes.
The best remedy for a poked eye is a warm towel put on there by mom :)
Powdering the dog with mom's french powder puff is not a good idea. Using dad's toothbrush to clean the toilet is not really all that helpful.
well, my son is almost 11, and he doesn't listen to a word I say anyway. I told him I'd talk to him again when he's in college.
-cats always land on their feet and no you don't need to throw one off the roof to test this
-if you are going to tolet paper someone's house don't hide the paper in the mailbox before your parents come home because they always check the mail
-eating 24 bean burritos will not give you stong enough farts to rocket propel you on roller skates.....they will however give you one heck of a tummy ache (as my brother found out first hand)
- Don't lock a running car and then hop out of it.
- Playdoh isn't for eating and doesn't float in the bathtub but does make an excellant plug.
1. A BB lodged in one's buttock is NOT a plesant thing to endure.
2. Lifting your dress over your head during A Vacation Bible School program isn't very lady-like...even when you're 4 years old.
There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
- Will Rogers
Never get involved in a land war in Asia and never go in against a Sicilian, when *death* is on the line.
- it's not pre-ordained that you turn out like your parents, but if they are good people then it's not the end of the world.
- using hair straighteners on a boy makes you faggy. The only hair appliance a man should use on their hair is a Bic disposable razor.
- always condition after you dye your hair purple
- don't eat yellow snow
- if you swear, blame it on tourettes
- never marry for the buffet table selection