My son has recently developed a taste for opposites. Everything I want him to do, he wants to do the opposite. If I pour him some milk he wants orange juice. If I give him Tony the Tiger Cereal he wanted Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I realize that this is a stage, because his sister did the exact same thing.
Why do we have to go through this stage? What lessons are learned from this constant butting of heads between parent and child? Why do I have the urge to twist his head off????
Is it okay for a guy to go into the bathroom lock the door and sit down and cry?
Cry, cry away!! And when you figure out the answers let me know!
And that whole 'psychology' approach? Doesn't work! lol
Sounds like me and my son when we go and rent a movie.
Me: "This looks neat?"
Him (without even looking) "No, I don't like that one."
Heh.
(yeah, and don't look to me for answers. Oh, no, never do that)
People with degrees, and pocket protectors, and white coats with monogrammed titles, will say it's a psychological thing about control. That's probably true, but it doesn't help when you're losing an argument with a child. I finally learned to present choices whenever I could: "Which of these two cereals do you want" or "Which of these two shirts do you want to wear" or "Which of these two movies do you think we should rent." It worked often enough to keep trying. Oh, and if my kids didn't want either cereal, or either movie, they got NO cereal, or NO movie. I learned really fast that the clothing thing was a no-win. For me, that is. That's why I sometimes sent my children to kindergarten and first grade looking like refugees from the Cirque du Soleil. (They were in good company; half the kids in the classroom looked like clown school applicants.) I guess my rambling point is, you have to pick your battles. Those little things, frustrating as they certainly are, aren't worth beating your head against the wall for. Those things will come later. Ohhhh, believe me, those things will come later.
I do the 'you may choose between this or that' a lot as well. And there are times when choice just isn't an option.
I think that, for some kids, having unlimited choice is actually the root of the problem. Giving them limited options while making them feel as if they have 'control' is the way to go for these kids.
And crying in the bathroom? Absofreakinglutely. How else would one stay sane...?
Offer him the opposite of what you actually want him to have.
Yes it is alright to cry, but there are nicer places then the bathroom.
Oh, the wanting the oppisite of what is offered is ONLY a stage? Damn, I need to outgrow that quickly.
Opposites...I think they learn that from watching parents. One minute...yup, I want sex...the next, nope, we don't!
Yes it is ok for you to cry. And well, he is what, 3? He's testing his boundaries and pushing at them. Trust me he wants you there, but he also wants to see how far his limits are. Be patient, you're a great parent just let him get through it :)
Give him two choices...if he doesn't pick he doesn't eat. Shit happens. Of course, I'm really glad my daughter is 37.
Having twins do this, well, um, whatever. Doesn't matter if one or two are doing it. It just happens.
I does get to me when my neice and nephew do it with a smirk.
I'd think something was wrong if you didn't need to cry sometimes! Parenting is freaking HARD! Cry all you need to and then try laughing at it. Can't make things worse and everyone feels better after a laugh!
Ummmm....its not only between parent and child. It can be between spouse/significant other too!!! I generally cry a lot!!
I went through that with mine when he was 4-5 for a bit. It passed thankfully. Now he just thinks he's right all the time, about everything..I have no idea where he gets that from.
Parenting is a constant challenge of the will to survive. Don't worry, he is just testing how far you will bend. Remember: what doesn't kill us serves to make us stronger.
Funny you should say the opposite milk is orange juice and the opposite of Tony the Tiger Cereal is Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I think the opposite of milk is two fingers of bourbon straight up, and the opposite of tiger cereal is Schezwan Fire Breathing Pork or "Cowgirls Spicy Chocolate."
As for your questions:
Q: Why do we have to go through this stage?
A: Because it is fun for them to watch us squirm.
Q: What lessons are learned from this constant butting of heads between parent and child?
A: That it is fun for them to watch us squirm.
Q: Why do I have the urge to twist his head off????
A: Because you don't like to squirm.
Q: Is it okay for a guy to go into the bathroom lock the door and sit down and cry?
A: Yes, as long as you come out with a plan to make them squirm worse than you.
Our younger daughter was a contrarian by age and by nature. There were times when I had to put her in her room and tell her to stay OUT of my way. She could push my buttons like no one on the planet. (still does on occasion, but it's better) Hang in there, G and Mrs. G!