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December 05, 2004
I admit I suck at it...

Admit it men, when you are sick the only thing you can deal with is being pampered by Mommy. You have been this way since you could see her from the crib. The woe is me attitude carries on into our adult lives as well.

We all no who takes the place of mommy at that point. You guessed it, our spouse. She rolls her eyes and says "let me make it better", and we eat it up like crack downtown.

Then a strange phenomenon occurs, she gets sick at the same time and it's usually worse than your own sickness. This is not acceptable. Who do I turn to? How can I survive? What do you mean you're going to bed? We can't have this, it can't be happening. Can't we call in reinforcements to the front?

The elbow to the side when the baby is crying is met with a dash to the toilet. "Honey, you're going the wrong way!" You then realize that maybe you should see if you need to hold her hair, but the child stops crying so you go back to moaning and looking for sympathy.

"Honey!", you shout as the kid starts to make that pooping grunt sound. "I think he's pooping again". Of course he has had the same stomach virus as she has, and upon learning of the sounds of diarrhea hitting the shoulders of the child she gain makes a mad dash for the safety of the cool porcelain.

You look over at the five year old and she is giving you that grin from ear to ear because she just smeared the remaining makeup and lipstick across her little brother's face. She is obviously not in the mood to assist in the operation. This being the case, she will then take her brother's only remaining operational hot wheel car and run like the wind, while he clamors after her screaming at a level that causes the now naked and stinky baby to join in the chorus.

Meanwhile, your temperature has risen about 1/100th of a degree and you are quite sure the resulting fever is the worst thing on the planet and you are wondering if a call to the CDC is in order. You must medicate this fever immediately! Now we all know that the only one in the house that knows where we keep said fever reducer is at this moment trying to sort out the shoes she just passed into the toilet, and is wondering if a safety wipe is not in order.

Please get well soon honey, I feel a scratchy throat coming on.

genuine | 09:06 PM


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