A three day weekend. A weekend of time for rest, relaxation and a time to recharge. If you believe in any of this drivel, 1) You don't have children, and 2) You don't belong to my family.

For some reason, my family seems to think that vacations are meant to cram as many activities as possible into a 24 hour period, and the three "R's" above are never an option.

Granted, our Saturday was necessary for the funeral, and we did not have much rest then. It was very hot all day and the heat can zap all of your energy. Know any good air conditioning guys? My parents could use one.

Now that the funeral was over and we all headed home, you would imagine that we could get in bed and have a good night's sleep. Of course, I started the beef brisket a little before midnight, and had to check it every couple of hours. At 4:36 a.m. I finally crawled into bed to salvage what I could of a little precious sleep.

Up at the crack of WTF because the boys decided it was not an option to sleep in. Then all day spent cooking and preparing for the big birthday bash celebrating my son's first birthday. Another very late night after a long day in the hot sun and I was looking to hibernate for the summer.

Of course, this is a Holiday that requires the ultimate in firework watching, so there would be no rest for the weary. A long day of cleanup and more preparing for a "picnic to watch fireworks" was on the agenda. This would turn out to be no picnic. Constantly corralling children is not my idea of a nice afternoon picnic. My kids of course have no qualms about venturing off, and can't understand that Daddy's radius of comfort won't allow them to play "over there on that hill!" This process is also meant to cause parents to use energy reserves not needed other times.

Listening to the screams of terror while watching underneath the bombs bursting in air, I tried to catch my breath. No such luck. Now the mass exodus of thousands of people from a park meant to hold a few hundred. We waited for our turn to get in line, and by 11:00 p.m., we were able to back out of our parking space to get in line with the rest of the sheep.

As I crawled into bed after midnight, I could only think that I had a reprieve. I am able to escape the mind numbing energy draining terror we call vacation to go to work in an air conditioned office building and to peace and quiet, only having to listen to the ramblings of litigation attorneys. Yes, my children make these guys look like a vacation.

I sit here with the realization that Mrs. G's birthday is today, and she gets to continue the fight on the vacation front! She gets to accompany the terrorists to the Denver Zoo! Honey, we need to call in for reinforcements.

Please go over and wish Mrs. G a Happy birthday today. She is going to need a little TLC from the battle fatigue she will no doubt suffer.