I was just wondering about the post-surgery procedures following the snip snip procedure. Is it really as bad as "here go fill this up"? Sure, I have seen all the the ways Hollywood has portrayed the humor, but I was thinking somewhat seriously as I imagined the possibilities.
Nurse: Genuine?
Genuine: Yes ma'am.
Nurse: Here is your cup.
Genuine: Thank you. (of course politeness is the only response)
Nurse: Down the hall to the left. When you're done, place it on the shelf.
Then of course performance anxiety sets in. I can hear the clock behind her ticking. Mocking me. Ticking louder.
Genuine: Ummm ma'am? Is my wife allowed to come in with me?
Nurse: [Looking at me like the 10 year old kid my mind is making me feel.] Sure, I'll go and get her.
Genuine: *heavy sigh* Ummmm, is there anything that should not be done, you know, something that might...um..er...skew the results?
Nurse: It's not rocket science, please just fill the cup.
[A shot of the door. 4 minutes passes by.......Genuine exits the room, hair disheveled, shirt untucked.]
Genuine: Ummmmm ma'am. We have a little problem.
Nurse: What is it?
Genuine: We seem to have....um...contaminated the last....ummm...er.... Can we get a few more cups and some wine please?
The possibilities are obviously endless.
Now seriously, can somebody bring me up to speed? How does it really happen?
No such scenarios here. our Dr was kind enough to send home the sample cups, which dh proceeded to fill here and then drop off at the lab.
I won't go into the whole joke here, but the end goes like this:
...the Doctor comes into the room and screams "Oh my God, Nurse Bobbit, I asked you to remove the patient's SPECTACLES!
I have a friend whose husband asked her to take the "sample" in for him. A week later, she was driving an elderly pariosioner home (she's a minister), and the sample rolled out from under the passenger seat. The old woman picked it up, squinted at it, and asked, "What's this?"
First you go into the bathroom (or bedroom) with the sample cup. Try to feel romantic. Ignore screaming children and remember why you had this procedure to begin with. Get comfy again. Ignore children pounding on the door and envision what you will. (If you're smart, it'll be Mrs. G nekkid running rampant through glistening fields in your mind's eye, rather than running rampant chasing toddlers through the house with spit up on her shirt.)
It's a breeze. Just make sure you get the AOK on TWO samples or you may be repeating the procedure after she gets pg again.
Oh, and btw, we even have our "it's ok to fly without gear" letter from Mike's urologist in our safe box. If the kids couldn't read, I'd frame it and hang it in the bedroom. ;D
Sorry, I have no idea.
I always had to provide samples at the docs office, since we were TRYING to get pregnant, not trying to stop.
The wine is fine, but liquor's quicker.
Hubby says that they gave him some magazines and once even had a vcr w/ tapes. (EW! TMI)
I get nervous about every year or so & make him go back for a "recheck." He knows that if I got pg again, he'd be raising 4 kids by himself. Bringing them for monthly visits with Mommy at the loony bin.
My husband took me & a French maid's outfit to the doctor's office with him to "do the deed."
The doctor looked mighty funny in that maid's outfit...
Just kidding. He did it at home, too.
All the doctor is looking for is to see if anything is even present, so it doesn't matter where you do it.
Experience for my hubby was the same as others here...take cups home, and then take sample to the lab. Needed 2 negative tests to pass.
It's really going to be ok :)
We were supposed ot take a "sample" in for testing, as we're TRYING to get pg. (no, we haven't been trying that long, it's just a courtesy they offered us as military) The office is approximately 28 minutes away, and the sample must be turned in less than 30 minutes after collection. We'd have to drive through a military gate, on an interstate, and to the office. Suddenly it didn't seem so drastic. Of course, I highly recommend you completing the task, lest you have a whole basketball team of children. Send me a bottle of your water please?
They gave me two sample cups and sent me back out to the waiting area.
Wait. Are we talking about the same thing? Never mind.
Whether you collect the sample at home or at the doctor's office doesn't matter. You might run into problems, though, if you collect it while en route; the cop will be unlikely to be receptive the "medical procedure" explanation. Unless he's been through it himself. Then he might turn on the sirens and escort you to the lab.
You just take the cups home, put your, ah, sample inside, and drop off at the doc's office. usually twice. It's more about the, ah, number of times your, ah, pump and has been, ah, primed, than about how long it's been since the, ah, procedure. So, in other words, there are, um, *measures* you can take to speed up the process in order to have the green light to proceed without caution any longer. HOpe this helps.