Mrs. G IS funny. I like her. She should start her own blog

Sounds like Mrs. G is a wise woman. Who woulda thunk it?

And now we know the truth... and knowing is half the battle....

If I've said it once...
Give Mrs. G a blog! Or at least let her guest blog here once or twice a week. Selfish, selfish man!!

Mrs. G is hilarious too, who woulda known, two funny people in one family...lol

Mrs G IS funny!!! Those are a riot - tell her thanks for making you post them!

Hope both of you have a great weekend!

lol... woo hoo! get the lingo!!

I really do like Emilie, it's a sweet name... for a sweet girl, just mixed up with the wrong people.

My God. How long have I been gone? What have I missed and why do I have no clue what you're talking about???

You have sex on a school night? Egads, man...

No ideas yet, just a comment: I have those undies!!! Mmmm, lurve boy shorts...

OOh... can Brock have a mustache and a secret tattoo?

Oh kink is way easy... of course my idea of kink might be way out there... ropes, handcuffs, silk scaves, ice cubes and flavored lube. However, that's the light stuff. We're not writing Erotic Novels, so I'll keep most of it to myself. ;)

Three bad guys. One leader, maybe his subordinate - so he can yell at him, and a body gaurd. All well trained in gun use. I'll think on names. Really.

*autumn sits and ponders* (I'm really having to much fun with this.)

Bad guys, Vladislav Badenov, Otto Krench, and one hot, scary, sexy bad chick who wears leather and deadly boots with stilleto heels, Carmina Ghash.

too much?

Ah, romance novels. Teenage boys have their dad's playboy and teenage girls have Mom's romance novels.

I only read the historical romance novels though....about the American West. If the main man didn't have two names- the first being the an adjective and the second being the name of an animal/natural phenomena I didn't read it.

I hate to say...my extensive library (stored in boxes, but to never be thrown away) of historical romance novels won't help me with the espionage plot. So,
I'll just jump in on the steamy scenes.

If memory serves me correctly…
a. yes, it must be throbbing
b. chests heave
c. lips tremble
d. don’t get too sweaty…just ‘beads of sweat’
e. you can also use manrod, but you’re probably get more giggles
f. you ‘gently part’ things a lot.
g. you use the term ‘folds’
h. they ‘collapse together in a ___ of ____’ a lot
i. you always ‘enter swiftly’ (that makes the reader(as well as the heroine) catch their breath every time)
j.
That’s all I got for now. I’ll wait until my memory is jogged to add more.

Ok let's see, a good "kinky" part (with theme here) would be something like he molests her with his gun...handcuffs her to (whatever) and smacks her around a bit, not realizing she is turned on by it, pulls her hair, "sex standing up" and then shooting the "bad guys" while never missing a beat...(if ya know what I mean)...I could go on and on...lol, imma kinky lil witch...hehehehe

Bad guy names: Ivan Von Weevil, Buck Russell (Moley Russels Wart LOL), Max Factor

Bad girl: Belinda McTwat, Barbara Bushwacker, Angelica Lopez

Whatever it is, there should be a blindfold involved, restraints are always good... And it should last more than a few paragraphs.

If it doesn't have anything about "hot, steaming, loins" I'm not playing.

1. John Masters

2. A cabin, deep in the woods, far enough outside civilization where no one can interfere.

Now, you going to be seeing more of me. This is my kind of game... and I'm with Debby, we need "hot steaming loins" and soft sex... then we're set for a romance novel.

1. a woman. the contact needs to be a woman

2. a cabin deep in the woods that would obviously be well stocked ;)

i had a friend who actually was writing a romance for a publisher once and was sent a list of words and phrases that must be used within the text.

maybe you should start a list:
"as they lay spent"
"heaving breasts"
"manhood"

fun post!

Michelle, I think you just did. I really am going to need to get some help with this...otherwise its gonna sound like penthouse forumn article.....keep up the good work. The more details the better, and of course we are going to have steamy sex.......I mean we are goona include that in the story. Mrs G. help me out here.

***make that "throbbing pulsating manhood..." (or so I've heard..)

1.) Man, Tolan Steele, Head of the CIA

2) Brock is going to the French Riviera. There he will meet his French contact (woman, Brin Lawson) who will catch him up to date with her no nonsense and business only attitude. (has to play hard to get and have a little attitude)

Now some other fun things..

If playful you need a happy sigh

need to romantically rondevouz

Brushed lip kissing - ex. He brushed his lips against hers and said breathlessly...

Ok I'm having way to much fun. Keep me posted

We were talking about Romance Novels?!!! Man! I gotta get more sleep!

You know, I have *never* read a romance novel in my life!

This should be fun to watch!

Okay I'll play too
His contact is a WOMAN
It's a cabin in the woods (yes fully stocked)
But you definitely have to have the pulsating manhood descending upon her sweetness (when they get to that part)

Contact is a woman, and her name .... Natasha (of course) she's a very "Bond-novel type" businesslike - tough-as-nails with a mysterious undercurrent.
The cabin in the woods is perfect. A porch, (windows on only one side for suspense and mystery) and a fire place!

Contact is a woman, and her name .... Natasha (of course) she's a very "Bond-novel type" businesslike - tough-as-nails with a mysterious undercurrent.
The cabin in the woods is perfect. A porch, (windows on only one side for suspense and mystery) and a fireplace!

His contact is a hairdresser called Peonie (male... kinda) and he is now heading off to the conference in Boise, Idaho, where he will meet up with a Spanish midget known only as Hermes who will help him apply the Nair (tm)...

I really think the contact should be a man. I mean he's got to have a hook-up for the main woman involved. I think the woman ought to wrapped up in the drug lords, maybe one of thier girls, and he infultrates them through the chick.

Think about it, a man intends to just use her, then makes love to her, gets what he needs, feels guilty b/c he's realized he truly cares for her and wants to protect her from the drug lords. He takes the lords down...

imagine the sexual tension when he's in the room with them, bringing them down, and he rescues her from their evil grasp.

How much more romantic/hero can you get?

Definately a woman...damn Brock needs to meet "her" so they can get kinky and get it on in the woods (under the stars would be nice) And Natasha, (or another porn type of a name)...they need to start by having a dinner by the fireplace to "talk business", then Brock needs to take off his shirt cause he's "hot", then maybe Natasha gives him a massage, and decides to rub his "throbbing manhood". She plays tease and runs outside by the edge of the water...gets out her "flogger" and asks if daddy wants to spank her...LOL...oh I am good at this...I better stop before I write the whole book!

It's got to have a lil kink in it..he he he

The contact should be a woman... dark hair, dark raven-like eyes, with beautiful full lips ...with an italian accent of course - named...Francesca...BUT, Brock thinks its a man because she goes by the name of Frankie. When they meet he is shocked to see that she is a woman.

Place: A villa at the base of the Italian Alps. This leaves much access into Switzerland, France and Yugoslavia for more international intrigue

1) Logan
2) Brody
3) Tristan

1. Bo
2. Logan
3. Noah

Wheeeee!

I am inclined not to vote because I am family. If you all should not choose that name you might think I don't like any of the others. I like all of your choices. Personally I will love whatever name you pick. My vote is for all of them!

1. Jonah
2. Chase
3. Logan

I'm sorry but Tristan sounds like a girls name..I know a few girls named that, and I know a few girls named Payton too, but that's just my opinion. Don't want the poor fella being teased when he grows up.

1. Logan
2. Noah
3. Chase

Like Miss Chin, I know several female Payton/Peytons so the name to me is more girlie than boyish. Great list!

I like Logan, Tristan, and Chase, in that order.

I like Payton, Triston and Logan...

1. Logan
2. Tristan
3. Bo
4. Debby.. oh! how did THAT get there?

1. Aidan
2. Noah
3. Logan

I don't care much for any of these really. Aidan is the only one I like at all.

1. Logan
2. Marek
3. Kegan

I think aside, from the shared female names above, chase would also be cruel. There's a child in my brother's grade named Chase. You can't imagine the cruelty that name has brought him. I also think Noah could have similar consequences.

So there's my 3 cents.

1. Tristan
2. Logan
3. Aidan

1. Aidan
2. Bo
3. Brody

Aidan being light years ahead a favorite of all the others. :) It's seems such a strong name.

1. Aidan
2. Logan
3. Chase

However, you know none of these names will ever permit the boy to walk into a souvenir shop and find his name on a license plate, jigger, or some other such souvenir. That was important to me as a child. It still tickles me when I now find my name...

But maybe that's just me.

Logan
Brody
Payton

Ugh, I'm not good at naming my own kids... But I like Aidan, Kelly might have been Aidan if she had been a boy.

Is the middle name already set or is that a poll for another day? Cause the middle name has to "go" with the first name.

1. Marek
2. Marek
3. Marek
4. Marek
5. Marek
*compresses ears, squeezes eyelids shut, hopes sheer force of personality is effectively working on The Committee*

1. Chase
2. Hadden Pronounced Hayden, yes?
3. Logan

1.Noah
2.Marek
3.Jonah

1. Aidan
2. Noah
3. Tristan

:)

1. Marek (Rent Timeline - cool character)

2. Aiden (like Aiden Quinn - cutie)

3. Bo (name of a guy I went out w/ in high school)

1. Logan

2. Tristan

3. Noah

Aiden

1. Logan
2. Bo
3. Chase

See... I told ya you and Mrs G had good taste. I liked them all, but these were my favs. You'll probably just have to wait until the little guy is born to see what he looks like, after he's not all pink and wrinkly. ;-)

have a great day!

Not Bo! Maybe for a nickname, but please, not as a legal name. Think "To Kill a Mockingbird."

What cc, you want us to call him Scout? LOL

I think it was Boo Radley, in TKM, played by Robert Duvall I believe.

Brody, Noah, Tristan

Brody is everyone's buddy, Noah is a good-guy name, and Tristan just sounds cool. Can't go wrong with any of them.

1. Kegan
2. Tristan
3. Brody

-d

1. Aiden
2. Logan
3. Tristan

1. Logan
2. Brody
3. Payton

jilbur's comment was too funny ....lol

ok ok onto biz:-

1.Aiden
2. Noah
3. Chase

And you know, I've decided NO NAME is safe from taunting. My own brought a litany of strange made up rants, which irritated my mother all to hell. Then of course that movie came out.....that wasn't good....I'm still dealing with that one....
signed: Carrie ;-)

1 - Noah
2 - Chase
3 - Logan (airport) second thoughts....
3 - Bo

1. Kegan
2. Brody
3. Bo

As a point of view from my brain, if the GM1 and I had had a daughter, her name would have been Ripley.
Yes, I've seen "Aliens" a LOT, why do you ask?

Marek????? where in the world did you get THAT name? You KNOW my fav's are:
Chase
Logan
Bo

1.) Beau not Bo

That is all.

1)Brody
2)Marek
3)Noah

also may i suggest not using a unisex name...it really stinks to be in the same class with someone of the opposite sex with the same name so you are known all year long as girl casey or boy casey....but I'm not Bitter or anything

1. LOGAN
2. PAYTON
3. CHASE

Did I vote yet??

1. Logan
2. Dylan
3. Daphne

BTW, six years into having a Logan, we have not had any adverse experiences. Only a couple of Logan Airport refs, and one exceedingly lame "logon" joke... oh and of course Logan's Run, but I never saw the flick so who cares. Everyone loves the name on balance!

But... DAPHNE, now that's a name!!!

Mindy? Daphne for a boy?? Are you sure?

1. Aiden
2. Logan
3. Chase

Autumn--I'm kidding. Those are MY kids' names!!!

What's wrong with Casey? Tha't smy husbands name and if our baby that's due in August turns out to be a girl, we shall name her Casey too.

I know that Mindy... I've been paying attention. But I was imagining the torture a boy named daphne might experience.

1. Kegan
2. Aidan
3. Bo (personal pref for Beau)

Ethan! Oh, that wasn't on the list. ;-)

Aiden!

Only 10 more weeks? yee haw!

Aiden -- Ever watch Sex in the City? Loved the guy who played Aiden.

Noah -- Partial to this one. Love Biblical names. Although the name is becoming much more common.

Jonah -- swallowing jokes?

Close runner ups: Chase and Hayden

1) Logan
2) Aidan
3) Tristan

(i.e. - Anything that ends in "an")

LOVE LOVE LOVE the name Logan!

Fascinating answers!

Love Logan.

and yes, i think i was talking about coffee. What else could I mean. ;)

Keeping it Genuine. That's why we love you...

Damn, I'm still trying to find out what happened that weekend!! (hee hee)

I love it. I think I might do this one...i hope people ask questions though.

Oops...we were only allowed two questions? Oh well, I've always been a rule breaker. Thanks for answering my questions :) I figured you were a Britney guy, but I close my eyes everytime either of them opens their mouth.

You know, the answers inspired more questions in some cases! Are you going to do a follow-up? :-)

p.s. I also love the name Logan, but shudder thinking of what other kids would do with that name.....

Ah...darn...I didn't get a chance to ask my one question.....If you were homosexual, which Wiggle would you sleep with?

Great Answers! And humor is most definately one of your better qualities, not that I know you personally, but everytime I read your blogs I crack up! Thanks for all the laughs! You are my favorite blogger!

Awesome answers man! I'll have to be going to the Chop House... :-)

Names NOT to pick: Dick OR Ralph. I get visuals (not good) of both....

Is it a girl or a boy? How exciting for you guys, congrats! I knew Mrs. G was expecting, but didn't know the details. 70 days sure doesn't sound like enough time when you are preparing for something like a new baby! I'm sure you'll do great though. :o)

Max.....definitely Max.

We have a terrible time naming boys, but I liked August William and didn't get to use it, so Genuine Baby should be Gus. There, problem solved.

boy name possibilities:

- King Fuzzystomper
- Harpo
- The Dogboy That Ate New York (you could call him Doggy for short)
- Flink
- Squozen
- Joe

girl name possibilities:
- Pauly Shore
- Girl
- Her
- The Doggirl That Ate New York (you could call her Doggy for short) ... sorry, i kinda reused that from the boy list.
- Cindy

Agreed, 70 days doesn't sound like a long time...

I'm a HUGE fan of Catherine, but I suppose that's not a good boy's name. I like Michael a lot though...

mmmmm "M" names are fun. :)

I'm not sure this is the best place to be asking for name advice...!

Let Mrs. G. handle it, and it'll be just fine.

Oh, I dunno, Isabella. I really like 'King Fuzzystomper'! Very unique. Has a nice ring to it.

70 days will fly!

For a boy: lil' Gen
For a girl: Gennie

So you're done!

I don't care what you name the little tyke. I just can't wait to hold a baby!!! See you in July little one. Love Auntie

Three things:

1. Logan ROCKS. I'm just sayin'.

2. Please do not touch another link until you and Michelle have established an Amazon wish list and posted it in your sidebar. I'll help. We will want to send baby gifts!!!

3. I am having so much fun reading your entries and everyone else's that I seriously think my blog would be more fun if I never came back!!!

Umm.. okay I want to see the about page, but none of your links (except other bloggers) work for me... what gives?

I always said if i had a son his name would be Jared (Michael or Alexander for middle name) Lots of luck and health for all of you. What are your other kids names?

Hey how about Gretsky or Roy (like Patrick) if its a boy...
And for a girl....Kessa,Maggie, Markie, or Irina (From ALIAS)...
I also really like unisex names...

I'll email ya a script - all you'll have to do is copy and paste it. =)

http://webapps.nerdsonsite.com/CountDown/

- Dana

for your email address do the a href-"mailto:youremailaddress.com"

don't forget to put the little brackets on each end of it. put your name or email me after that, then close it with an

got that?

oops. it killed my tag. close it with an /a with the brackets on each end

Lots of free scripts at www.bignosebird.com or better yet, www.thefreesite.com

Unfortunately, I've no idea how to install them but with your fan club there's sure to be someone who knows :-)

July 7 - good date :-) You're have a little Cancer baby. They're always wonderful (this is astrologically speaking of course)

Get all the sleep you can now! OK, put up the names and let's take a vote on the best ones. Ones that the kid can live with. PLEASE don't name him Richard then call him Dick. I can't call any man with that name with a straight face (although I've called several that, even if it isn't their name). LOL!!

Here's another one:
http://lilypie.com/create_baby_days.php

I'm a Cancer baby too. Astrologically speaking. I know about as much about astrology as I do about quantum mechanics (nothing). But - I do know my sign is Cancer - and I love my life.

Oops. Obviously, Curiosity did not get the Cat this morning - if I would have read a little lower I'd know you were having a boy. ;o)

Lets see...boy names...Jerrid? Jack? Christian? I've never tried to think of boy names before, always girls!

I am married to a cancer...he is very sensitive, very family oriented, a good dad, and a loving husband, great astrological sign. Plus being a Genuine kid, he is bound to be very funny, and have a great personality!

Tell Mrs. G I said to pull your lip over your head when she goes into labor...maybe you can sympathize with her better...he he he

Congrats on having a boy! Make sure to take pictures of your lip over your head...oh and the baby!

Really cute pregnancy due date countdown found here

Sooo cute.

mr. asb's birthday is 7/8...she has to go a date.

let the good times roll!
throw me something mista!

Who are you kidding? You wouldn't pay for ANYTHING! You would keep all the quarters for yourself! We would hear you coming a mile away...jingle, jingle, jingle...

lmao...love it.Damn...how did a pelican get picked over that?

well it looks a darn sight better than the one they really put out....and its much more amusing too

How did my wife get on a quarter??

You're so PC lately...not

OMG How did my picture get on a quarter?!

roll of quarters? you're being a bit ... optimistic, aren't you? more like a roll of dimes. heck, HALF a roll of dimes.

What a hoot(er)!

Hee hee!

Hey yeah...what's up with the Avalanche? I was surprised to hear it! Of course, I was thinking conspiracies myself last year...

last year there plenty of calls that would make one think conspiracy. The Flyers are pulling out for me this year, but then it's only game 2. *sigh* It's not the Leafs I'm worried about, it's the next round.

But I've seen it, and we'll probably see it again. oh well...

I'm not with the NHL or a referee, but I don't want to see the Avalanche win either. (So how long do I have to wait before I get to leave *you* a comment like the one you left me regarding something about a big "L" on the forehead?? Payback is a bitch, baby.) ;-)

pfffttttt hockey.....next!! ;-)

Hmm. I guess now wouldn't be the best time to tell you I'm a Wings fan.

I hope we can still be friends. :p

Well, I know I stole it from someone, so go ask me some questions. :) But, here are yours:

1) If you had one whole day to do as you please regardless of the cost or consequences, what would you do?

2) Joe Boxer or Fruit of the Loom?

3) If the Genuine Kidlets were animals, what animal would they be?

1) Top or bottom.... um.. bunk... yeah that's right, Bunk - top or bottom bunkbed?

2) If wishes were horses, and horses could fly, and you knew how to ride a flying horse... where would you go?

1. When did you know Mrs. G was the one?

2. If you could change anything about your life what would it be and why?

1) HOW did you know Mrs. G. was the one?

2) Favorite breakfast cereal.

1. Did you go to your high school prom?

2. Do you remember high school as a fun time or a rotten time?

1) If your wife wanted to take your son to get a pedicure with her, what would you say? (especially if he heard RUEBEN from AI say he got them all the time)

2) What is your one secret movie that you love but are ashamed to tell anyone you love?

1. Choose (only) three words to describe yourself.

2. How do you take it? Black or with cream?

1. What do you think is your biggest fault?

2. What is your best quality?

3. What is your favorite vegetable?

4. What's your favorite room in your house and why?

5. Britney or XTina?

Oh dang! All the good qestions are taken, so yeah, all of the above for me too!

1. Assuming that reincarnation is real, what would you like to come back as and why?

2. What is the most daring thing that you've ever done? (Daring as in extreme risk to yourself or others)

3. Cargo pants or jeans?

if you're very pregnant wife asked you to get her a gallon of ice cream at 10pm, would you dare respond to her by saying "That's not very nutritious and you really need to keep your weight down?"

If your very pregnant wife got a severe leg cramp at 2am would you dare tell her to "Get up and walk it off" or would you RUB IT FOR HER?

Not that I'm asking from experience or anything......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. If we all lived in the same town, what do you think the chances would be that we'd get a molecule of work done, EVER, and how long before we'd all be sent to rehab, our rooms, the loony bin? Do you think our spouses would have to resort to grounding us from each other?

2. What's the baby's name going to be?

P.S. You and Lee REALLY need to post the due dates somewhere for those of us keeping track...

1) Rare, Medium or Well-done?

2) Diet Coke or Pepsi?

3) Sleeping on stomach or back?

4) Do blondes really have more fun?

ummm... ok, here....

What is your favorite restuant in the Lodo area? (BD's Mongolian BBQ for me)

Are you an early bird or night owl? (Me, night owl.)

1) If you had to come back as an animal, what would you come back as?

2) If you could want anything in the world for your children...what would it be?

ooh, ok. here come the JUICY questions ... mwahahaha:

1) what's your favorite juice?

2) why?

1) if you could have dinner with one person from history: who, where and why?
2)which book infulenced (sp?) you most before the age of 10
3)coffee or tea? ..and how do you take it?

Is it true you had a crush on your babysitter?

Is it true that you bite your fingernails?

Do you say anything when someone around you sneezes? (Whether you know them or not)

What is the sexiest part of your wifes body?

What is the sexiest part of your body? (you answer, no fair asking your wife what she thinks)

Ok Ok I'll play...

If you had to choose a favorite sister in law..who would it be? (just jokin around)

Ok for real now...

Have you ever had the nerve to streak in public?

What is the craziest thing you and your wild brothers have ever done??

There now ya have it!

Damn, everybody had reallyyyy good questions! Ok well you likely know what mine will be but here goes:

1. Describe your worst professional dilemma and how you resolved it?

2. If you could have only one book on a deserted island, which book would it be and why?

(sorry these are boring compared to everyone else's but I'd really like to know!!)

Very nice list, Mrs. G.

Why are the men wearing more clothes than the chicks were?

Hmmmmm?????

I am the editor of this blog! LOL

Andy Garcia is indeed one mighty fine specimen Mrs. G!!

Hey, I'm with Isabella! I want nearly nude shots dangit!

She has very good taste!

-d

I would have to add Johnny Depp in his pirate garb....gets me every time!

knock it off! nicole doesn't need any more encouragement. hehe.

MEOW!!! YUM!!! I love the nice big picture of Timmy! I have to agree with Mrs. G's requirements for Mr. Chesney. He has to keep the hat on. Even while sleeping. And, I have always thought that Mr. Garcia looks a bit like Mr. Hanton. Thank you Mrs. G!

good job Mrs. G. good job.

Wow...all those guys are gay too.

Not so sure about the hat thing, but they do stir a little *rrrowr* in me ;)

I was with ya, Mrs. G, til the last 2... I like that Kenny Chesney..... mmmmm... hubba hubba!

Kenny Chesney with or without hat is definetely "I wouldn't kick him out for eating crackers in the bed" material. LOL He is a stud muffin! Great, GREAT list Mrs. G!

Hate country music but that Kenny guy can stay!

I have to say I feel a kinship with Mrs. G. Way to go Mrs. G!!!

HOWEVER, everyone knows Kenny C. is merely a knockoff of Tim McGraw so....if you get Tim, forget Kenny - he's nowhere near as good.

And I cannot BELIEVE I left Andy Garcia off my own list!!! I've had the hots for him forever! Especially in that movie he did called "Things to do in Denver when you're Dead"....hubbaaaaaa

I like F.I.L.T.H. myself....check it out at: http://thompsonclan6.typepad.com/thompsonclan6/2004/04/filth_and_the_s.html#trackback

Might be time for her to go in the "extended entry"?

I see.....hide her in the closet....wait that's the first place they look!

I always heard she was in the closet.

I'm just excited about the Mrs. G top Five. I can't wait!!! the suspense is KILLING me. :)

*chanting*

'I already know them, I already know them, I already know them!'

*blowing raspberries*

Mrs. G. is sure a good sport!!!!!

My husband would totally fight you for Terri Clark. I don't get it. she's so... uh... manly.

(who's the second one down with the fake boobs?)

But where is your Sandra???? P.S. Shania's jeans are ripped...shabby, very shabby.

I LOVE Terri Clark myself and I'm not even a lesbian. She rocks!!

Shania.....Good Lord, kick her out and get Miss Bullock in there. You want a personality don't ya????

You have my seal of approval on everyone, but that yucky Natasha Henstridge.

OKAY WHO IS ALI LARTER?

Had to look up 3 of them, dang! LOL

*anxiously awaiting Mrs. G.'s choices*

Hey, I'll take Reese. The rest of them...eh. I'm more a Christina Ricci/Sarah Polley kinda guy.

That photo of Natasha Henstridge makes her look like a good-looking Morticia Adams. Poor girl.

Hmmm she does sort of look like Morticia...interesting. Great list!! But who IS Ali Larter?

Why is it that suddenly I wish I was a guitar?

I take it however you folks are cooking it.

That looks YUMMY!

I'm on my way!

What Kathy Howe said. Can you swing by here and get me, KH?

What they said! Psss...don't forget to swing by and get me too guys!!! *drools*

I hate you!

(I take my steak rare)

P.S. - San Jose 3, Avs 1. What does that make the series? Oh ya - San Jose up 2-zip!

SURRRRRRRE, rub it in because we're having chili cheese dogs.

JERK!

New Jersey is right around the corner...be right there....

Medium rare, please.. with A-1. What time should I be there? I'll bring dessert.

Steak - Rare! Wine - Red!

But brutha, you gotta start using REAL BUTTER!!!

No, seriously. I'm very upset.

Medium rare- and that dinner looks mahvelous! Except- you need some real butter, G. ;-)

yowza! I'll take that one!

Good God...
Mike said he's putting Mrs. G on his 5 names list.
-What if Genuine cooked it? I asked.
-Then I'll put him on my list too, he said.

Dinner looks great, except for that fake butter stuff. *sends Genuine a pound of Land O'Lakes*

LOL at the hot dogs and Wonder bread on plastic-ware! What is it with kids and processed food-stuff? Jax won't eat anything that has less than 8539 ingredients!

So are you inviting us for dinner this week? I could use a night off!! menu looks perfect! I'll bring a salad!

I've been eating tons of steak on Atkins. The hot dog and white bread looks pretty tasty to me....

sigh, intending to rag on you for the SportCenter gag in spite of how funny it was--and look here, everyone else has already ragged on you about the revolting I-Can't-Believe-I'm-Eating-This-Crap-When-I-Could-Be-Eating-Butter!, too.

I take mine Coleman's (BSE-free and oh-so-tasty!), med-rare, with lots of salt and fresh-ah pep-pah. And hold the broccoli. Sugar snap peas or somethin'. A baked sweet potato would be nice, too. Jeebus, that's a tasty-looking pic.

I have now drowned in my own saliva.
*weeping, thinking of my upcoming feast of leftover tomato soup and ramen noodles, a.k.a. Lazy Spaghetti.*

I'm with all of them...and especially LeeAnn, LOL

But what was amazing was how fast you ate it and got the picture up!!

And what's with the very healthy greens and the very naughty stuff in the baked potato?

great dinner, but skip the I cant believe its not butter, your'e going to ruin that potato

I dont know abut the steak, but the hotdog and plain bread at the OTHER place at the table looks yummy...

WOW NOW THAT IS A MEAL! WHY WASN'T I TOLD THIS WAS ON THE MENU???

Oh LeeAnn, bless your heart. Come over and I'll fix you dinner. LoL

That is a low-carb potato, right?

By the looks of yours, Ill take mine cooked!

Nice grill job though, daaamn Gina!

It won't be long until the kiddos will be fighting over your steaks instead of the tube steaks!

You think the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" is going to prevent a heart attack? :-P

Oh yum!

1. Matthew McConaughey
2. Denzel Washington
3. George Clooney
4. Matt Lauer (Today Show)
5. Tim Mc Graw
6. Tobey Keith
7. Brad Paisley
8. Harrison Ford
9. Kevin Cosner
10. Keith Urban

Told ya I needed to name 10..lol...and I could name some more

My hubby's list is

1. Shania Twain
2. Faith Hill
3. Ashley Judd
4. Sandra Bullock
5. Kate Hudson

1. Toby Keith
2. Denzel Washington
3. Cuba Gooding Junior
4. George Clooney
5. Matt Damon
6. Edward Norton
7. Brad Pitt

-d

Edward Norton
Cuba Gooding Juniour
Jimmy Smits
Joe Perry
Benjamin Bratt

Mr. ASB likes:
Sandra Bullock
Rose McGowen
Demi More
Alyssa Milano
Christina Applegate

1. Jon Krakauer (mtn. climber, writer)
2. Will Kemp (the Gap Ad dancing guy *sigh*)
3. Aaron Eckhart
4. Brad Pitt
5. Scott Patterson
6. Simon Baker
7. Michael Biehn
8. Craig Bierko
9. Josh Brolin
10. Josh Hartnett

1. The Date
2. The Date
3. The Date
4. The Date
5. The Date

When I give up my dating hiatus he is the first person I'm calling.

1. Adrian Quinn
2. Pierce Brosnan
3. Patrick Dempsey
4. Matthew McConaughey
5. Hugh Grant
6. David Navarro

I know it said only to list 5 but I couldn't leave David off.
There would be no sleeping allowed!!!

Mr.'s list
1. Sandra Bullock
2. Gina Davis
3. Faith Hill
4. Ann from Heart in her younger much younger years
5. Kate Hudson

Mr. kind of likes the girls next door natural beauty where as I have a mixture of bad boys with classy guys.

One more for the Mr. because I had 6 and it's only fair.

6. Ashley Judd

1) George Clooney
2) Sam Neill
3) Miguel Ferrer
4) James Marsten
5) Anthony Hopkins - maybe wouldn't sleep with him, but I'd do anything just to have him read to me in bed.... love his voice!

I like etherian's list, adding Adrian Pasdar. (Anthony Hopkins can READ to her...LOL)

But I didn't say that, because my husband doesn't appreciate such humor.

I was never here.

1. Matthew McConaughey
2. Kevin Costner
3. Mel Gibson
4. Aiden Quinn
5. Brad Pitt (sorry, can't stop at just 5)
6. Richard Gere
7. Robert Downey Jr (the clean version)
8. Tom Cruise
9. The Dude from My Big Fat Greek Wedding
10. Hugh Grant

#9 - JOHN CORBETT! I don't know why I keep forgetting his name!

1. Brad Pitt
2. George Clooney
3. Jon Bon Jovi
4. Johnny Depp
5. Ryan Seacrest

I only have 5 right now, crushes change of course. Don't know who'd be on my husband's list. I'm afraid to ask b/c I suspect it would include Pamela Lee, Paris Hilton, and Britney Spears.

1. Jason Stathum (Turkish)
2. Ed Norton
3.William Petersen (Grissom on CSI)
4. John Corbett
5. The guy who played Capt Winters in Band of Brothers

Easy peasy this one, though I will avoid mentioning other bloggers or my wife's friends...

1. Drew Barrymore (she knows);
2. Kate Winset (so does she);
3. Susan Sarandon (I don't want Tim to find out);
4. Julianne Moore (hmmmm);
5. Bernadette Peters (she's been on the list for years).

You just missed the cut Gen.

OK...time to put my shallowness on display for the world...or at least Genuine's readers.

(Warning...I may go beyond 5.)

1. Salma Hayek
2. Tyra Banks
3. Jennifer Garner
4. Charlize Theron
5. Katie Holmes

1. Angus McFadden (Peter Lawford in HBO's Rat Pack, Robert the Bruce in Braveheart)
2. Legends of the Fall Brad Pitt
3. George Clooney
4. Keith Hernandez
5. Jose Canseco

Hub's list (last we discussed, in no particular order):
Jane Seymour
Salma Hayek
Sandra Bullock
Ashley Judd (just b/c he wants to drive her hubby's racecar!)

1. Anthony Hopkins
2. Sean Connery (not the mask)
3. Steve Martin
4. Sam Neil
5. Viggo Mortenson
6. Robert DiNiro

No fair - I didn't get to put up the list for Mindy.

Here's what I would have said, she...said:
1. Daphne
2. Logan
3. Dylan
4. Gil.....but on the otherside of the bed
5. Molly

hm. oh, so many to choose from, so i'll just give a list of the currents:

1. Torry Castellano (drummer for The Donnas)
2. Angelina Jolie
3. Keira Knightley
4. Kate Beckinsale
5. Mandy Starr (pornstar)

come on, you knew i'd have to throw in at least one pornstar, right?

Hey, I'll take Mindy's list anyday. Get Viggo out of there, though.

Some people prefer men a bit older. You guys will appreciate that one day.

You'll find my list and my hubby's list here.
http://www.typepad.com/t/trackback/667123

My list is here...

Okay- put Al Pacino in for Viggo-

I really need to get out of here!!!!

Man, I shoulda gone to church this morning.....

1. Val Kilmer
2. Hugh Jackman
(Even if he does sing showtunes)
3. Mel Gibson
(even though he's getting long in the tooth)
4. Adrian Paul
5. Johnny Depp

In no particular order:
Christopher Meloni
Angelina Jolie
Spike from "Angel"
Jeff Probst
Gina Gershon

The GM1's list:
anyone with ovaries
(he's very unpicky, our GM1)

Oh, Mel Gibson! Damn!

LeeAnn- LOL!!!!

LOL at LeeAnn! Ok, my picks:
-Mel Gibson
-George Clooney
-Keanu Reeves
-Brad Pitt
-Denzel Washington

Hubby only wants Faith Hill, that's it, desperately, LOL.

I'm very tardy on this assignment. Eeek!

1. George Strait
2. Robert Redford
3. Troy Aikman
4. Pat Green
5. Brad Arnold
6. Matt Damon
7. Ryan Hurst
8. Ross Coleman
9. Gary Allan
10. President Bush [I'm SO gonna get picked on for that one.]

The husband isn't here to ask for his list, but I do know of one woman that he has a crush on. The rest would be if I was a guy LOL

1. Shania Twain [his pick]
2. Portia De Rossi
3. Mandy Moore
4. Sara Evans
5. Any of the gals from SheDaisy

1. Bruce Willis
2. Keanu Reeves (in The Matrix)
3. Gary Allen
4. (A much younger) Jack Nicholson
5. Henry Rollins Gary Allen

Hubby isn't getting polled because I do not want to hear the words Britney, Jessica, etc etc etc

Okay Genuine!
Here's my 5
1. Bill Romanowski
2. Toby Keith
3. Brad Pitt
4. Harrison Ford
5. George Clooney

Here is hubby's
1. Any of the "juggies" from THE MAN SHOW
2. Shania Twain
3. Reese Witherspoon
4. Jennifer Aniston
5. Pamela Sue Anderson

I think it is important to give context as well as names:
1. Brad Pit from Fight Club
2. Vin Diesel from XXX
3. Rufus Sewell from Dangerous Beauty
4. Hugh Jackman from Swordfish
5. Gina Gershon from Bound
Yummy!

Yaida Hitomi
(Japanese singer; nickname: Yaiko)

Utada Hikaru
(Japanese singer; nickname: Hikki)

Hamasaki Ayumi
(Japanese singer; nickname: Ayu)

Sun Yan Zi
(Singapore Chinese singer; sometimes called Stefanie Sun)

Shu Qi
(Taiwan Chinese actress; sometimes spelled Hsu Chi)

[Note: Both Japanese and Chinese tradition places the family name first; so in America, those names would be Hitomi Yaida, Hikaru Utada, Ayumi Hamasaki, Yan Zi Sun and Qi Shu.]

My Top 10:

1. Brad Pitt in "Legends of the Fall" (Within the first 10 min. of the movie, he rides up on a horse -- with THE most beautiful hair/eyes EVER. Julia Orman's character takes one look and realizes she's chosen the wrong brother!)

OMG -- What Brad in "Interview with a Vampire" Remember when he lies down on his back while on the balcony wall talking to little Kirsten Dunst? Isn't he THE sexiest vampire EVER??

2. Michael Vartan (plays Michael Vaughn in "Alias")
I absolutely love this man. He's breathtakingly beautiful.

3. Will Kemp -- I'm still reeling over his GAP ad. OMG. Is he beautiful or what?? I had access to the GAP ad for awhile and it's very intoxicating.

4. Keanu Reeves... he is just too, too fine. Trinity was truly blessed in 2nd Matrix film.

5. Shemar Moore.... he played Malcolm on "The Young and The Restless" -- he has the most twinkling, sexy eyes.

6. Tom Cruise is so undeniably sexy. I loved watching him with Thandie Newton in Mission Impossible II. I thought I saw definite chemistry.

7. Richard Gere. He is extremely sexy -- from American Gigolo filmed when he was very young, until now -- he hasn't lost his mojo.

8. Theirry Lhermitte -- If you have a chance to see him in "Until September" (1984) with Karen Allen -- he is a beautiful Frenchman with the most piercing blue eyes I've ever seen.

9. Matthew McConnaughey -- I love his southern drawl and manners. He was absolutely perfect in "The Wedding Planner" -- Mmm. Mmm. Good!

10. Denzel Washington. Absolutely yummy. (What more can I say about Denzel?

Well, those are my top 10. Sorry, I could NOT stop at 5! (I left out Orlando Bloom..!) These are my top 10 all-time favorites!! This was a fun and extremely stimulating exercise! xoxo

Cheers!

I wondered why the hell you were getting so many hits today! Lucky stiff!

(Yeah, I keep tabs on this crap. Let the pitying begin.)

I have the keys - what pics do you want to post?

You know......THOSE PICS! *looking around and whispering* The ones she thought we threw away.

*passes out from exhaustion*

Pour me a tall one of those!

Straight up please...

test, test
I can't seem to post here...

Computer security recourse: [Secure Root]

Thanks! Yummy!

Thanks for thinking of the other half!

A picture of him playing his bongos naked would have really made my day, ya know...

I heard he's gay ;-)

oh...he's such a hottie!yum yum.lol

Feh.

Hubba Hubba!!

Soooooo not gay, boo!! ;o)

Hmmm - nekkid and playing bongos could be exciting though...he could play me anyday!

meh.

he's ok. i like sandra better.

Go, Horns, Go! Y'know, I was at UT-Austin at the same time he was, back in the day (w/Renee Zellweger, too, no less!). Don't recall bumping into him on the main mall, though. Sigh.

I think I would remember if I bumped into HIM...

There's no way that Matthew is GAY!

Yes... Very yummy!! I like the naked idea with no bongos!

eh... tell mrs. G he's okay but he needs a haircut. he is working on a mullet :-P
Kira

Autumn and Kira need our help ladys!! who looks at his hair? the guy is perfect!! oh sorry honey...but come on he makes me melt! He is beautiful! Oh guess I better stop I'm getting funny looks from my coworkers

Lee, stop raining on our parade.

Have Mercy he's gorgeous. No haircut needed.

cute yes...but I want cuter!!! I'm being demanding its friday :)

ohhh! *lick*

Hmph. I would have preferred some Mark Wahlberg, Bret Boone or 50 Cent.

But that's just me.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Lordy, that is one GORGEOUS man. Just wanna eat him up!

Thanks for making my day... hope you've had a good one!

*hugs*

Sandra's cuter ;-) LOL
But thanks for trying :D

I'm usually not crazy about all-american looking guys but I'd do him.

Johnny Depp is my main slurp though. I wouldn't want to make him jealous so I'll stop now.

MEOW!!!!!

Watch it - you'll be doing a MOTD before you know it!

I just noticed the "JULY" up int he corner. Paleeze don't tell me that you have his calendar.

I did mention that he's gay...right?

OMG Genuine...this is my man....I swear I have been in love with him for forever and a day...I would lick peanut butter out between his toes if he's let me.....um um um...Thanks for the pic...I am stealing it from you...he he he

*sigh*...*wiping drool off my chin*

Why does every good looking man have to be gay (he dated Sandra B)? OHHHH, because every good looking woman is a lesbian...every guys fantasy. Bring on the peanut butter.

Ah, you're killing me!

OMG is that a wart on her finger?

Time to to wake up Genuine....Mrs. G. must have let you sleep in again...time to get up now...

She's on Hub's "list," right at the top. Angus McFadden is on mine, so we both happily watch YaYa Sisterhood whenever it's on, each lost in our own world!

I really think you should stop stalking Kathy Howe.

LOL @ Lee.

I luv Sandra!

G...you really MUST give up this obsession with me! *grins*

I'd kill for her body.

What the.....??!! Sandra!!?? How could you desert me like this? After all we've been through!?

Man! That's a nice picture!

hubba hubba! got any liv tyler? *meow*

I have nothing to say actually, I just wanted to leave a comment so you wouldn't freak out about alienating all your female readers with this blatant exploitation of semi-naked famous women... You should be asham...
Wait, I can't even type that with a straight face.
Never mind, just remember that I ALWAYS comment!

a bed... mmm... sleep...

look at that head board. hmmm the ideas. skip the sleep...

I thought that was Kathy Howe.

I'm very photogenic aren't I?

*coughs*

She looks like a man. Too many angular features.

Besides, I heard she was a lesbian.

heh heh:)

You have a daughter like my SON! It is becoming a disciplinary issue at my house. I am constantly saying "Listen - you may be right - but you'll PRETEND I'm smarter than you if you know whats good for you!!"

I was that child. I always wondered why I never got to go to work on those days. Figures.

hey your site looks good =)

Major LOL here :))

Surprised my girls didn't know about that one. Anything to stay home!

See Dad's commute consists of a right turn out of the bedroom door followed by a quick right turn into the office. Commuting can be dangerous at times (never know what the kids have left in the hallway). But, he endures it for the sake and comfort of his family.

They would have sat in his office for a few minutes bored out of their gourd watching the computer screen as he typed. At which point my hubby tired of having three pairs of eyes stare at both him and his screen would have sent them out of the room. They would then be free for the entire day to watch TV and eat ice cream.

Boy, did they miss out. I'm going to have fun with this one around the table tonight. :0)

Forgot to mention ... First game of Round 2 ... Sharks vs. Avs and I'm going to miss the game. :0(

Hubby is using our season tickets tonight. Wonder who he's taking?

A lot of lawyers act like 4 year olds, it might have worked out ok. Maybe next year... then she can write their briefs for them. ;)
P.S. Thanks for blogrolling me

Naw.....I know a few attorneys who could use some serious smack down by a four year old.

Me too ....

heh...I was so your daughter when I was a kid.

Rah!

Hmmm...seems I go to bat for my hubby's team every single morning then. ;o) Go me!

$10 says you pay for it tomorrow.

She's thinking, "...letsee. Late Avs game tonight. He'll owe me. Let him get up at the crack of dawn with the little G's tomorrow".

She's no dummy. I'd be ascared if I were you.

Are you kidding? I'm always "ascared".

I know you love me...its still nice to hear though!! I love you too!

Oh, and Lee's right be "ascared very Ascared" you owe me big time, I was late this morning and had to spend my whole paycheck to fill your truck up with gas.

OOOOOO....that's gonna leave a mark.

BIG time payback due.....make it count Mrs. G.!

Oh yeah, be ascared. She let you sleep AND she filled your truck with gas. You owe her big time... LOL
Seriously, if you have that much trouble sleeping all the time, have you ever been tested for sleep apnea? Just a thought...

Go Mrs G!!! Woo Hoo... credit in the first bank of 'You Owe Me'

You could spend them on come to visit me!!!

I LOVE this movie!

Vizinni, to Fezzik: Am I going MAD, or did the word "think" escape your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic LAND MASS.

Westley to Buttercup: There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours.

Oh, and I'm Miracle Max *snort*

Vezzini: He didn't fall? Inconceivable!

Inigo: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my Fahthah prepare to die.

CHING CHING SHWAH!

He's not that dead.

What does that mean anyway? sheesh...

I love that in a 1/2 hour Westley's like "We can take 'em." Crazy boy!

FADE IN ON:
A VIDEO GAME ON A COMPUTER SCREEN.
The game is in progress. As a sick coughing sound is heard.
CUT TO:
THIS KID
lying in bed, coughing. Pale, one sick cookie. Maybe he's seven or eight or nine. He holds a remote in one hand, presses it, and the video game moves a little bit. Then he's hit by another spasm of coughing, puts the remote down.

His room is monochromatic, greys and blues, mildly high-tech. We're in the present day and this is a middle class house, somewhere in the suburbs.

CUT TO:
The Kid's MOTHER as she enters, goes to him, fluffs his pillows, kissses him, and briefly feels his forehead. She's worried, it doesn't show. During this

--
MOTHER
You feeling any better?
THE KID
A little bit.
MOTHER
Guess what.
THE KID
What?
MOTHER
Your grandfather's here.
THE KID
(not overjoyed)
Mom, can't you tell him that I'm sick?
MOTHER
You are sick, that's why he's here.
THE KID
He'll pinch my cheek. I hate that.
MOTHER
Maybe he won't.
The Kid shoots her an "I'm sure" look, as we

CUT TO:
THE KID'S GRANDFATHER bursting into the room. Kind of rumpled. But the eyes are bright. He has a wrapped package tucked under one arm as be immediately goes to The Kid, pinches his cheek.

GRANDFATHER
Hey! How's the sickie? Heh?
The Kid gives his Mother an "I told you so" look. The Mother ignores it, beats a retreat.

MOTHER
I think I'll leave you two pals.
(And she is gone. There's an uncomfortable silence, then-)
GRANDFATHER
I brought you a special present.
THE KID
What is it?
GRANDFATHER
Open it up.
The Kid does. He does his best to smile.

THE KID
A book?
GRANDFATHER
That's right. When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today, I'm gonna read it to you.
THE KID
Has it got any sports in it?
CUT TO:
THE GRANDFATHER
Suddenly passionate.

GRANDFATHER
Are you kidding? Fencing. Fighting. Torture. Revenge. Giants. Monsters. Chases. Escapes. True love. Miracles.
CUT TO:
THE TWO OF THEM as the Grandfather sits in a chair by the bed.

THE KID
(manages a shrug)
It doesn't sound too bad. I'll try and stay awake.
GRANDFATHER
Oh. Well, thank you very much. It's very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming. All right.
(Book open now, be begins to read.)
The Princess Bride, by S. Morgenstern. Chapter One. Buttercup was raised on a small farm in the country of Florin.
DISSOLVE TO:
The story he's reading about, as the monochromatic look of the bedroom is replaced by the dazzling color of the English countryside.

GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
Her favorite pastimes were riding her horse and tormenting the farm boy that worked there. His name was Westley, but she never called him that.
(to the kid)
Isn't that a wonderful beginning?
THE KID
(off-screen)
(doing his best)
Yeah. It's really good.
GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
(reading)
Nothing gave Buttercup as much pleasure as ordering Westley around.
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUPS FARM - DAY
BUTTERCUP is standing, holding the reins of her horse, while in the background, WESTLEY, in the stable doorway, looks at her. Buttercup is in her late teens; doesn't care much about clothes and she hates brushing her long hair, so she isn't as attractive as she might be, but she's still probably the most beautiful woman in the world.

BUTTERCUP
Farm boy. Polish my horse's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning.
WESTLEY
(quietly, watching her)
As you wish.
Westley is perhaps half a dozen years older than Buttercup. And maybe as handsome as she is beautiful. He gazes at her as she walks away.

GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
"As you wish" was all he ever said to her.
DISSOLVE TO:
WESTLEY, outside, chopping wood. Buttercup drops two large buckets near him.

BUTTERCUP
Farm Boy. Fill these with water --
(a beat)
--please.
WESTLEY
As you wish.
She leaves; his eyes stay on her. She stops, turns -- he manages to look away as now her eyes stay on him.

GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying, "As you wish," what he meant was, "I love you."
DISSOLVE TO:
BUTTERCUP IN THE KITCHEN - DUSK
Westley enters with an armload of firewood.

GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.
BUTTERCUP
(pointing to a pitcher that she could reach herself)
Farm Boy, fetch me that pitcher.
He gets it, hands it to her; they are standing very close to each other gazing into each other's eyes.

WESTLEY
As you wish.
(Now he turns, moves outside.)
DISSOLVE TO:
WESTLEY AND BUTTERCUP, outside his tiny hovel in the red glow of sunset. They are locked in a passionate kiss.

THE KID
(off-screen)
-hold it, hold it-
CUT TO:
THE KID'S ROOM
THE KID
What is this? Are you trying to trick me? -- Where's the sports? -- Is this a kissing book?
GRANDFATHER
-- wait, just wait --
THE KID
-- well, when does it get good?
GRANDFATHER
Keep your shirt on. Let me read.
(reading again)
Westley had no money for marriage. So he packed his few belongings and left the farm to seek his fortune across the sea.
CUT TO:
WESTLEY AND BUTTERCUP
They stand near the gate to the farm, locked in an embrace.

GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
(reading)
It was a very emotional time for Buttercup --
THE KID
(off-screen)
(groaning)
I don't be-leeve this.
BUTTERCUP
I fear I'll never see you again.
WESTLEY
Of course you will.
BUTTERCUP
But what if something happens to you?
WESTLEY
Hear this now: I will come for you.
BUTTERCUP
But how can you be sure?
WESTLEY
This is true love. You think this happens every day?
He smiles at her, she smiles too, throws her arms so tightly around him. They kiss. Then as Westley walks away, Buttercup watches him go.

GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
(reading)
Westley didn't reach his destination. His ship was attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who never left captives alive. When Buttercup got the news that Westley was murdered --
THE KID
(off-screen)
(perking up a little)
-- murdered by pirates is good --
CUT TO:
CLOSE UP: Buttercup, staring out the window of her room.

GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
She went into her room and shut the door. And for days, she neither slept nor ate.
BUTTERCUP
(no emotion at all in her voice)
I will never love again.
HOLD ON HER FACE, perfect and perfectly sad.

DISSOLVE TO:
FLORIN CASTLE - DAY
The main courtyard of Florin replete with townspeople, livestock, and a bustling marketplace.

GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
(reading)
Five years later, the main square of Florin City was filled as never before to hear the announcement of the great Prince Humperdinck's bride-to be.
CUT TO:
PRINCE HUMPERDINCK, a man of incredible power and bearing, standing in his royal robes on a castle balcony. Three others standing behind him: an OLD COUPLE with crowns, the aging KING AND QUEEN, and a dark bearded man who seems the Prince's match in strength: this is COUNT RUGEN.

HUMPERDINCK
(raises his hands, starts to speak)
My people ... a month from now, our country will have its 500th anniversary. On that sundown, I shall marry a lady who was once a commoner like yourselves --
(pause)
-- but perhaps you will not find her common now. Would you like to meet her?
And the answering YESSSS booms like summer thunder.

CUT TO:
A giant staircase leading to the CROWD and as a FIGURE just begins to become visible,

CUT TO:
THE CROWD, as they see the figure. (We haven't yet.) And if there is such a thing as collective action, then this crowd, collectively, holds its breath.

CUT TO:
THE STAIRCASE, as the figure appears in the archway. It is Buttercup. And she resplendent.

HUMPERDINCK
My people ... the Princess Buttercup!!
She descends the stairs and starts to move amongst the people.

CUT TO:
THE CROWD, and they do a very strange thing: with no instruction at all, they suddenly go to their knees. Great waves of people kneeling and --

CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP, terribly moved. She stands immobile among her subjects, blinking back tears. HOLD on her beauty for a moment.

GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
Buttercup's emptiness consumed her. Although the law of the land gave Humperdinck the right to choose his bride, she did not love him.
CUT TO:
WOODLANDS
-- and Buttercup, barreling along, controlling her horse easily.

GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
Despite Humperdinck's reassurance that she would grow to love him, the only joy she found was in her daily ride.
CUT TO:
A WOODED GLEN, CLOSE TO SUNDOWN.
Lovely, quiet, deserted. Buttercup suddenly reins in.

VOICE
A word, my lady?
CUT TO:
THREE MEN, standing close together in the path. Beyond them can be seen the waters of Florin Channel. The three men are not your everyday commuter types. Standing in front is a tiny man with the most angelic face. He is Sicilian and his name is VIZZINI. Beside him is a Spaniard, erect and taut as a blade ofsteel. His name is INIGO MONTOYA. Beside him is a giant. His name is FEZZIK.

VIZZINI
We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?
BUTTERCUP
There is nothing nearby; not for miles.
VIZZINI
Then there will be no one to hear you scream-
He nods to the giant, Fezzik, who merely reaches over, touches a nerve on Buttercup's neck, and the start of a scream is all she manages -- unconsciousness comes that fast. As she starts to fall --

CUT TO:
A TINY ISOLATED SPOT AT THE EDGE OF FLORIN CHANNEL
A sailboat is moored. It's dusk now, shadows are long. Inigo, the Spaniard, busies himself getting the boat ready.

CUT TO:
The giant Fezzik carries Buttercup, unconscious, on board.

Vizzini rips some tiny pieces of fabric from an army jacket and tucks them along the saddle of Buttercup's horse. There is about the entire operation a sense of tremendous skill and precision.

INIGO
What is that you're ripping?
VIZZINI
(not stopping or turning)
It's fabric from the uniform of an Army officer of Guilder.
FEZZIK
Who's Guilder?
VIZZINI
(pointing straight out)
The country across the sea. The sworn enemy of Florin.
(slaps the horse's rump)
Go!
The horse takes off. They start for the boat.

VIZZINI
Once the horse reaches the castle, the fabric will make the Prince suspect the Guilderians have abducted his love. When he finds her body dead on the Guilder frontier, his suspicions will be totally confirmed.
FEZZIK
You never said anything about killing anyone.
Vizzini hops onto the boat.

VIZZINI
I've hired you to help me start a war. That's a prestigious line of work with a long and glorious tradition.
FEZZIK
I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent girl.
VIZZINI
(whirling on
FEZZIK
)
Am I going mad or did the word "think" escape your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass.
INIGO
I agree with FEZZIK.
CUT TO:
CLOSE UP: Vizzini, in a fury.
VIZZINI
(We only thought he was in a fury -- now he's really getting mad)
Oh. The sot has spoken. What happens to her is not truly your concern -- I will kill her --
(louder)
And remember this -- never forget this --
CUT TO:
INIGO AND FEZZIK, as Vizzini advances on them. Nothing shows on Inigo's face, but FEZZIK is panicked by Vizzini.

VIZZINI
(to Inigo)
-- when I found you, you were so slobbering drunk you couldn't buy brandy --
(now to FEZZIK, who retreats as much as he can while Vizzini advances)
-- and you -- friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless -- Do you want me to send you back to where you were, unemployed in Greenland?
Vizzini glares at him, then turns, leaves them.

During this, Inigo has gone close to FEZZIK, who is very distressed at the insults he's just received. As Inigo casts off.

INIGO
(softly)
That Vizzini, he can fuss.
(a slight emphasis on the last word)
FEZZIK
(looking at Inigo)
... fuss ... fuss ...
(Suddenly, he's got it again, emphasis on the last word.)
I think he likes to scream at us.
INIGO
Probably he means no harm.
FEZZIK
He's really very short on charm.
INIGO
(proudly)
Oh, you've a great gift for rhyme.
FEZZIK
Yes, some of the time.
(he starts to smile)
VIZZINI
(whirling on them)
Enough of that.
As they sail off, we hear their voices as the boat recedes.

INIGO
FEZZIK, are there rocks ahead?
FEZZIK
If there are, we'll all be dead.
VIZZINI
No more rhymes now, I mean it.
FEZZIK
Anybody want a peanut?
As Vizzini screams we:

DISSOLVE TO:
THE SAILBOAT RACING ACROSS THE DARK WATERS
Inigo is at the helm, FEZZIK stands near the body of the princess, whose eyelids flutter slightly -- or do they? Vizzini sits motionless. The waves are higher, there are only occasional flashes of moon slanting down between clouds.

VIZZINI
(to Inigo)
We'll reach the Cliffs by dawn.
Inigo nods, glances back.

VIZZINI
Why are you doing that?
INIGO
Making sure nobody's following us.
VIZZINI
That would be inconceivable.
BUTTERCUP
Despite what you think, you will be caught. And when you are, the Prince will see you all hanged.
Vizzini turns a cold eye on the Princess.

VIZZINI
Of all the necks on this boat, Highness, the one you should be worrying about is your own.
Inigo keeps staring behind them.

VIZZINI
Stop doing that. We can all relax, it's almost over-
INIGO
You're sure nobody's following us?
VIZZINI
As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways, inconceivable. No one in Guilder knows what we've done. And no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast. Out of curiosity, why do you ask?
INIGO
No reason. It's only, I just happened to look behind us, and something is there.
VIZZINI
What?
And suddenly the three whirl, stare back and as they do --

CUT TO:
THE DARKNESS BEHIND THEM.
It's hard to see; the moon is behind clouds now. But the wind whistles. And the waves pound. And suddenly it's all gone ominous.

CUT TO:
INGIO, FEZZIK, AND VIZZINI squinting back, trying desperately to see. At this moment, they are all holding their breaths.

CUT TO:
THE DARKNESS BEHIND THEM.
And there's still nothing to be seen. It's still ominous. Only now it's eerie too.

Then --

The moon slips through and --

Inigo was right -- something is very much there. A sailboat. Black. With a great billowing sail. Black. It's a good distance behind them, but it's coming like hell, closing the gap.

CUT TO:
INIGO, FEZZIK, AND VIZZINI
staring at the other boat.

VIZZINI
(explaining with as much logic as he can muster)
Probably some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night through eel-infested waters.
And now as a sound comes from their boat they turn as we

CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP, diving into the water, starting to swim away.

CUT TO:
THE BOAT,
and Vizzini screaming.

VIZZINI
Go in, get after her!
INIGO
I don't swim.
FEZZIK
(to the unasked question)
I only dog paddle.
VIZZINI
Veer left. Left. Left!
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP,
still close to the boat, switching from a crawl to a silent breast stroke. The wind dies and as it does, something new is heard. A not-too-distant high-pitched shrieking sound. Buttercup stops suddenly, treads water.

CUT TO:
THE BOAT
VIZZINI
Do you know what that sound is, Highness? Those are the Shrieking Eels -- if you doubt me, just wait. They always grow louder when they're about to feed on human flesh.
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP, treading water, still not far from the boat. The shrieking sounds are getting louder and more terrifying. Buttercup stays silent.

CUT TO:
THE BOAT
VIZZINI
If you swim back now, I promise, no harm will come to you. I doubt you will get such an offer from the Eels.
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP, and she's a gutsy girl. The shrieking sound is louder still, but she doesn't make a sound. Behind her now, something dark and gigantic slithers past.

She's scared, sure, petrified, who wouldn't be, but she makes no reply --

-- and now a SHRIEKING EEL has zeroed in on her --

-- and now she sees it, a short distance away, circling, starting to close --

-- and Buttercup is frozen, trying not to make a movement of any kind --

-- and the Eel slithers closer, closer --

-- and Buttercup knows it now, there's nothing she can do, it's over, all over --

-- and now the Eel opens its mouth wide, and it's never made such a noise, and as its great jaws are about to clamp down --

GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
She doesn't get eaten by the Eels at this time.
And the second we hear him:

CUT TO:
THE SICK KID'S ROOM
The Kid looks the same, pale and weak, but maybe he's gripping the sheets a little too tightly with his hands.

THE KID
What?
GRANDFATHER
The Eel doesn't get her. I'm explaining to you because you looked nervous.
THE KID
Well, I wasn't nervous.
His Grandfather says nothing, just waits.
THE KID
Well, maybe I was a little bit concerned. But that's not the same thing.
GRANDFATHER
Because I can stop now if you want.
THE KID
No. You could read a little bit more ... if you want.
(He grips the sheets again, as the Grandfather picks up the book)
GRANDFATHER
(reading)
"Do you know what that sound is, Highness?"
CUT TO:
VIZZINI.
We're back in the boat.

VIZZINI
Those are the Shrieking Eels.
THE KID
(off-screen)
We're past that, Grandpa.
CUT TO:
THE SICK KID'S ROOM
THE KID
You read it already.
GRANDFATHER
Oh. Oh my goodness, I did. I'm sorry. Beg your pardon.
CUT TO:
BUTTERCUP,
treading water.

GRANDFATHER
(off-screen)
All right, all right, let's see. Uh, she was in the water, the Eel was coming after her. She was frightened. The Eel started to charge her. And then -
And we're back where we were at the last moment we saw her, Buttercup frozen, the Shrieking Eel, jaws wide, about to clamp down as we

CUT TO:
A GIANT ARM,
pounding the Eel unconscious in one move, then easily lifting Buttercup.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL

The boat and FEZZIK, Buttercup being deposited on the deck.

VIZZINI
Put her down. Just put her down.
CUT TO:
INIGO,
pointing behind them.

INIGO
I think he's getting closer.
Vizzini, tying Buttercup's hands.

VIZZINI
He's no concern of ours. Sail on!
(to Buttercup)
I suppose you think you're brave, don't you?
BUTTERCUP
(staring deep at him)
Only compared to some.
DISSOLVE TO:
The boat at dawn, being followed closely by the black sailboat, which we can see for the first time is being sailed by a MAN IN BLACK, and his boat almost seems to be flying.

INIGO
Look! He's right on top of us. I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using.
VIZZINI
Whoever he is, he's too late --
(pointing ahead of them)
-- see?
(big)
The Cliffs of Insanity.
And once he's said the name,

CUT TO:
THE CLIFFS OF INSANITY AT DAWN
They rise straight up, sheer from the water, impossibly high.

CUT TO:
The TWO SAILBOATS
in a wild race for the Cliffs and the Man In Black is closing faster than ever, but not fast enough, the lead was too great to overcome, and as Inigo sails with great precision straight at the Cliffs

CUT TO:
THE BOAT
being pursued.

VIZZINI
Hurry up. Move the thing! Um ... that other thing. Move it!
(staring back now)
We're safe -- only FEZZIK is strong enough to go up our way -- he'll have to sail around for hours 'til he finds a harbor.
There is much activity going on, all of it swift, expert, economical. FEZZIK reaches up along the Cliff face, grabs a jutting rock, reaches behind it. Suddenly there is a thick rope in his hands. He drops back to the boat, gives the rope a freeing swing and

CUT TO:
THE CLIFFS.
The rope goes all the way to the top.

CUT TO:
INIGO
hurrying to FEZZIK. He straps a harness to him, then lifts Buttercup and Vizzini in the harness. Finally, he himself gets in the harness. All three are strapped to FEZZIK like papooses.

And he starts to ascend the rope, carrying them all along with him as he goes.

CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK, sailing in toward the Cliffs of Insanity, watching as FEZZIK rises swiftly through the first moments of dawn.

CUT TO:
THE TOP OF THE CLIFFS, LOOKING DOWN
FEZZIK'S GROUP is only faintly visible far below. This is the first time we've gotten the real vertigo feeling and it's a gasper.

CUT TO:
FEZZIK CLIMBING ON. Buttercup is almost out of her mind with fear.

CUT TO:
THE ENTIRE LENGTH OF THE CLIFFS.
FEZZIK is moving right along; however high they are, he's already over a third of the way done.

CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK,
leaping from his ship to the rope, starting to climb. He's impossibly far behind, but the way he goes you'd think he didn't know that because he is flying up the rope, hand over hand like lightning.

CUT TO:
VIZZINI AND THE OTHERS.
INIGO
(looking down)
He's climbing the rope. And he's gaining on us.
VIZZINI
Inconceivable!
He prods FEZZIK, who nods, increases his pace.

CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK,
roaring up the rope, and

CUT TO:
LONG SHOT - THE CLIFFS
-- and the Man In Black is cutting deeply into FEZZIK's lead.

CUT TO:
VIZZINI AND THE OTHERS
VIZZINI
(shrieking)
Faster!
FEZZIK
I thought I was going faster.
VIZZINI
You were supposed to be this colossus. You were this great, legendary thing. And yet he gains.
FEZZIK
Well, I'm carrying three people. And he's got only himself.
VIZZINI
(cutting through)
-- I do not accept excuses.
(shaking his head)
I'm just going to have to find myself a new giant, that's all.
FEZZIK
(hurt)
Don't say that, Vizzini. Please.
And his arms begin moving much more slowly.

CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK.
His arms still work as before. If anything, he has speeded up. FEZZIK's lead is smaller and smaller

CUT TO:
THE VIEW FROM THE TOP OF THE CLIFFS
Maybe a hundred feet for FEZZIK to go. Maybe more.

CUT TO:
VIZZINI AND THE OTHERS, and it's getting too close now.
VIZZINI
Did I make it clear that your job is at stake?
CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK,
less than a hudred feet behind them. And gaining.

CUT TO:
THE CLIFF TOP AS FEZZIK MAKES IT!
Vizzini leaps off and takes out a knife, begins to cut the rope which is tied around a great rock while Inigo helps the Princess to her feet and FEZZIKjust stands around, waiting for someone to tell him to do something. Nearby are some stone ruins. Once they might have been a fort, now the kind of resemble Stonehenge.

CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK,
75 feet from the top now, maybe less -- maybe only 50 -- and his pace is as dazzling as before, and

CUT TO:
VIZZINI,
cutting through the last of the rope and

CUT TO:
THE ROPE,
slithering across the ground and out of sight toward the Channel, like some great serpent at last going home.

CUT TO:
FEZZIK,
standing with Inigo and Buttercup by the cliff edge.

FEZZIK
(to Inigo -- impressed)
He has very good arms.
CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK,
hanging suspended hundreds of feet in the air, holding to the jagged rocks, desperately trying to cling to life.

CUT TO:
VIZZINI,
stunned, turning to the others, looking down.

VIZZINI
He didn't fall? Inconceivable!!
INIGO
(whirling on Vizzini)
You keep using that word -- I do not think it means what you think it means.
(looks down again)
My God! He's climbing.
CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK,
and so he is. Very slowly, he is picking his way upwards, sometimes a foot at a time, sometimes an inch.

CUT TO:
The group at the top, staring down.

VIZZINI
Whoever he is, he's obviously seen us with the Princess, and must therefore die.
(to FEZZIK)
You, carry her.
(to Inigo)
We'll head straight for the Guilder frontier. Catch up when he's dead. If he falls, fine. If not, the sword.
Inigo nods.

INIGO
I want to duel him left-handed.
VIZZINI
You know what a hurry we're in.
INIGO
Well, it's the only way I can be satisfied. If I use my right -- tch -- over too quickly.
VIZZINI
(turns abruptly, starts off-screen)
Oh, have it your way.
CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK,
still creeping his way upward.

CUT TO:
FEZZIK,
who goes to Inigo.

FEZZIK
You be careful.
(gravely)
-- people in masks cannot be trusted.
VIZZINI
(calling out)
I'm waiting!
FEZZIK nods, hurries after Vizzini.

CUT TO:
INIGO.
He watches them depart, then turns, peers down over the Cliffs. He watches a moment, then paces, shaking his hands loose. He practices a few of his honed fencing skills. He is a taut and nervous fellow, and has never been one for waiting around.

CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK,
climbing on. He must be six inches closer to the top than when last we saw him. Inigo is watching.

CUT TO:
INIGO,
walking away. Finally he goes back to cliff edge, starts to talk. It's instant death if the Man In Black falls, but neither gives that possibility much credence. This is our two heroes meeting. They don't know it yet; but that's what it is.

INIGO
(hollering down)
Hello there.
The Man In Black glances up, kind of grunts.

INIGO
Slow going?
MAN IN BLACK
Look, I don't mean to be rude, but this is not as easy as it looks. So I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't distract me.
INIGO
Sorry.
MAN IN BLACK
Thank you.
Inigo steps away, draws his sword, loosens up with a few perfect thrusts. Then resheathes and looks eagerly over the edge again.

INIGO
I do not suppose you could speed things up?
MAN IN BLACK
(with some beat)
If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope, or a tree branch, or find something useful to do.
INIGO
I could do that. In fact, I've got some rope up here. But I do not think that you will accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you.
MAN IN BLACK
That does put a damper on our relationship.
(He finds another bold a few inches higher)
INIGO
But I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top.
MAN IN BLACK
That's very comforting. But I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.
INIGO
I hate waiting. I could give you my word as a Spaniard.
MAN IN BLACK
No good. I've known too many Spaniards.
And he just hangs there in space, resting, gathering his strength.

INIGO
You don't know any way you'll trust me?
MAN IN BLACK
Nothing comes to mind.
And on these words, CAMERA ZOOMS into a CLOSE UP on Inigo. He raises his right hand high, his eyes blaze, and his voice takes on a tone we have not heard before.

INIGO
I swear on the soul of my father, Domingo Montoya, you will reach the top alive.
CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK.
There is a pause. Then, quietly:

MAN IN BLACK
Throw me the rope.
CUT TO:
INIGO.
He dashes to the giant rock the rope was originally tied to.

CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK,
as his grip loosens a moment, trying to cling to the side of the cliff.

CUT TO:
INIGO,
now with a small coil of rope, hurries back to the edge and hurls it over --

CUT TO:
THE ROPE.
It hangs close to the Man In Black. He releases the rocks, grabs the rope, hangs helplessly in space a moment, then looks up at Inigo and --

CUT TO:
INIGO,
straining, forcing his body away from the cliff edge and --

CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK
rising through the early morning light, slowly, steadily, and as the cliff top at last comes within reach --

CUT TO:
INIGO,
watching as the Man In Black crawls to safety, then looks to Inigo.

MAN IN BLACK
Thank you.
(pulling his sword)
INIGO
We'll wait until you're ready.
MAN IN BLACK
Again. Thank you.
The Man In Black sits to rest on the boulder that once held the rope. He tugs off his leather boots and is amazed to see several large rocks tumble out. The Man In Black wears gloves. Inigo stares at them.

INIGO
I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
He glances up -- the question clearly baffles him.

MAN IN BLACK
Do you always begin conversations this way?
INIGO
My father was slaughtered by a six- fingered man. He was a great swordmaker, my father. And when the six-fingered man appeared and requested a special sword, my father took the job. He slaved a year before he was done.
He hands his sword to the Man In Black.

MAN IN BLACK
(fondling it-impressed)
I have never seen its equal.
CUT TO:
CLOSE UP - INIGO.
Even now, this still brings pain.

INIGO
The six-fingered man returned and demanded it, but at one-tenth his promised price. My father refused. Without a word, the six-fingered man slashed him through the heart. I loved my father, so, naturally, challenged his murderer to a duel ... I failed ... the six-fingered man did leave me alive with the six-fingered sword, but he gave me these.
(He toucbes his scars.)
CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK,
looking up at Inigo.
MAN IN BLACK
How old were you?
INIGO
I was eleven years old. When I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of fencing. So the next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to the six-fingered man and say, "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
MAN IN BLACK
You've done nothing but study swordplay?
INIGO
More pursuit than study lately. You see, I cannot find him. It's been twenty years now. I am starting to lose confidence. I just work for Vizzini to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge.
MAN IN BLACK
(handing back the great sword, starting to rise)
Well, I certainly hope you find him, someday.
INIGO
You are ready, then?
MAN IN BLACK
Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair.
INIGO
You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.
MAN IN BLACK
(walking away a few paces, unsheathing his sword)
You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.
INIGO
Begin!
And on that word --

CUT TO:
THE TWO OF THEM.
And what we are starting now is one of the two greatest sword fights in modern movies (the other one happens later on), and right from the beginning it looks different.

Because they aren't close to each other -- none of the swords-crossing "en garde" garbage.

No, what we have here is two men, two athletes, and they look to be too faraway to damage each other, but each time one makes even the tiniest feint, the other counters, and there is silence, and as they start to circle --

CUT TO:
THE SIX-FINGERED SWORD,
feinting here, feinting there and --

CUT TO:
THE TWO MEN,
finished teasing, begin to duel in earnest.

Their swords cross, then again, again, and the sound comes so fast it's almost continual. Inigo presses on, the Man In Black retreating up a rocky incline.

INIGO
(thrilled)
You're using Bonetti's defense against me, ah?
MAN IN BLACK
I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain --
INIGO
Naturally, you must expect me to attack with Capo Ferro --
And he shifts his style now.

MAN IN BLACK
(coping as best he can)
-- naturally --
(suddenly shifting again)
--but I find Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro, don't you?
The Man In Black is now perched at the edge of the elevated castle ruin. No where to go, he jumps to the sand. Inigo stares down at him.

INIGO
Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa-
And now, with the grace of an Olympian, Inigo flies off the perch, somersaults clean over the Man In Black's head, and lands facing his opponent.

INIGO
-- which I have.
The two men are almost flying across the rocky terrain, never losing balance, never coming close to stumbling; the battle rages with incredible finesse, first one and then the other gaining the advantage, and by now, it's clear that this isn't just two athletes going at it, it's a lot more that that. This is two legendary swashbucklers and they're in their prime, it's Burt Lancaster in "The Crimson Pirate" battling Errol Flynn in "Robin Hood" and then, incredibly, the action begins going even faster than before as we

CUT TO:
INIGO.
And behind him now, drawing closer all the time, is the deadly edge of the Cliffs of Insanity. Inigo fights and ducks and feints and slashes and it all works, but not for long, as gradually the Man In Black keeps the advantage, keeps forcing Inigo back, closer and closer to death.

INIGO
(happy as a clam)
You are wonderful!
MAN IN BLACK
Thank you -- I've worked hard to become so.
The Cliff edge is very close now. Inigo is continually being forced toward it.

INIGO
I admit it -- you are better than I am.
MAN IN BLACK
Then why are you smiling?
Inches from defeat, Inigo is, in fact, all smiles.

INIGO
Because I know something you don't know.
MAN IN BLACK
And what is that?
INIGO
I am not left-handed.
And he throws the six-fingered sword into his right hand and immediately, the tide of battle turns.

CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK,
stunned, doing everything be can to keep Inigo by the Cliff edge. But no use. Slowly at first, he begins to retreat. Now faster, Inigo is in control and the Man In Black is desperate.

CUT TO:
INIGO.
And the six-fingered sword is all but invisible now, as he increases his attack, then suddenly switches styles again.

CUT TO:
A ROCKY STAIRCASE leading to a turret-shaped plateau, and the Man In Black is retreating like mad up the steps and he can't stop Inigo -- nothing can stop Inigoo -- and in a frenzy, the Man In Black makes every feint, tries every thrust, lets go with all he has left. But he fails. Everything fails. He tries one or two final desperate moves but they are nothing.

MAN IN BLACK
You're amazing!
INIGO
I ought to be after twenty years.
And now the Man In Black is smashed into a stone pillar, pinned there under the six fingered sword.

MAN IN BLACK
(hollering it out)
There's something I ought to tell you.
INIGO
Tell me.
MAN IN BLACK
I am not left-handed either.
And now he changes hands, and at last, the battle is fully joined.

CUT TO:
INIGO.
And to his amazement, he is being forced back down the steps. He tries one style, another, but it all comes down to the same thing -- the Man In Black seems to be in control. And before Inigo knows it, the six-fingered sword is knocked clear out of his hand.

Inigo retreats, dives from the stairs to a moss-covered bar suspended over the archway. He swings out, lands, and scrambles to his sword and we

CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK
who watches Inigo, then casually tosses his sword to the landing where it sticks in perfectly. Then the Man In Black copies INIGO. Not copies exactly, improves. He dives to the bar, swings completely over it like a circus performer and dismounts with a 9.7 backflip.

CUT TO:
INIGO,
staring in awe.

INIGO
Who are you?!
MAN IN BLACK
No one of consequence.
INIGO
I must know.
MAN IN BLACK
Get used to disappointment.
INIGO
Okay.
CUT TO:
INIGO,
moving like lightning, and he thrusts forward, slashes, darts back, all in almost a single movement and --

CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK.
Dodging, blocking, and again he thrusts forward, faster even than before, and again he slashes but --

CUT TO:
INIGO.
And there is never a move anyone makes he doesn't remember, and this time he blocks the slash, slashes out himself with the six-fingered sword.

On it goes, back and forth across the rocky terrain, Inigo's feet moving with the grace and speed of a great improvisational dancer.

CUT TO:
THE SIX-FINGERED SWORD
as it is knocked free, arching up into the air, and --

CUT TO:
INIGO
catching it again. And something terrible is written behind his eyes: he has given his all, done everything man can do, tried every style, made every maneuver, but it wasn't enough, and on his face for all to see is the realization that he, Inigo Montoya of Spain, is going to lose.

CUT TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK,
moving in for the end now, blocking everything, muzzling everything and
CUT TO:
THE SIX-FINGERED SWORD,
sent flying from Inigo's grip. He stands helpless only a moment. Then be drops to his knees, bows his head, shuts his eyes.

INIGO
Kill me quickly.
MAN IN BLACK
I would as soon destroy a stained glass window as an artist like yourself. However, since I can't have you following me either --
And he dunks Inigo's head with his heavy sword handle. Inigo pitches forward unconscious.

MAN IN BLACK
Please understand, I hold you in the highest respect.
He grabs his scabbard and takes off after the Princess and we

CUT TO:
CLOSE UP: VIZZINI
VIZZINI
Inconceivable!
PULL BACK TO REVEAL

Vizzini, staring down from a narrow mountain path, as far below the Man In Black can be seen running. FEZZIK, carrying the Princess, stands alongside. It's a little later in the morning.

VIZZINI
Give her to me.
(grabs Buttercup starts off)
Catch up with us quickly.
FEZZIK
(starting to panic)
What do I do?
VIZZINI
Finish him, finish him. Your way.
FEZZIK
Oh, good, my way. Thank you, Vizzini.
(little pause)
Which way is my way?
CUT TO:
A COUPLE OF ROCKS
Nothing gigantic. Vizzini points to them. There is a large boulder nearby.

VIZZINI
Pick up one of those rocks, get behind the boulder, and in a few minutes, the Man in Black will come running around the bend. The minute his head is in view, hit it with the rock!
As Vizzini and Buttercup hurry away.

FEZZIK
(little frown; softly)
My way's not very sportsmanlike.
He grabs one of the rocks and plods behind the boulder and we --

DISSOLVE TO:
THE MAN IN BLACK,
racing up the mountain trail. Ahead is a bend in the trail. He sees it, slows. Then he stops, listening.

Satisfied by the silence, he starts forward again and as he rounds the bend -- a rock flies INTO FRAME, shattering on a boulder inches in front of him.

CUT TO:
FEZZIK.
He moves into the mountain path. He has picked up another rock and holds it lightly.

FEZZIK
I did that on purpose. I don't have to miss.
MAN IN BLACK
I believe you -- So what happens now?
FEZZIK
We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.
MAN IN BLACK
You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people?
FEZZIK
(gently)
I could kill you now.
He gets set to throw, but the Man In Black shakes his head, takes off his sword and scabard, begins the approach toward the Giant.

MAN IN BLACK
Frankly, I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand fighting.
FEZZIK
It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise.
He flips the rock away.

CUT TO:
THE MOUNTAIN PATH AND THE TWO MEN.
The Man In Black is not now and has never been a shrimp. But it's like he wasn't even there, FEZZIK towers over him so much.

There is a moment's pause, and then the Man In Black dives at FEZZIK's chest, slams him several tremendous blows in the stomach, twists his arm severely, slips skillfully into a beautifully applied bear hug, and in general makes any number of terrific wrestling moves.

FEZZIK just stands there, kind of taking in the scenery. Finally the Man In Black pushes himself away, stares up at the Giant.

MAN IN BLACK
Look are you just fiddling around with me or what?
FEZZIK
I just want you to feel you're doing well. I hate for people to die embarrassed.
They get set to begin again. Then suddenly --

CUT TO:

FEZZIK,
as he jumps forward with stunning speed for anyone his size and reaches for the Man In Black who drops to his knees, spins loose, and slips between the Giant's legs.

FEZZIK
You're quick.
MAN IN BLACK
And a good thing too.
FEZZIK
(getting set for another onslaught)
Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid, or something like that?
MAN IN BLACK
Oh no. It's just that they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.
FEZZIK considers this a moment, then attacks, and if he moved quickly last time, this time he is blinding and as the Man In Black slips down to avoid the charge, FEZZIK moves right with him, only instead of twisting free and jumping to his feet, this time the Man In Black jumps for FEZZIK's back and in a moment he is riding him, and his arms have FEZZIK's throat, locked across FEZZIK's windpipe, one in front, one behind. The Man In Black begins to squeeze. Tighter.

FEZZIK
(standing, talking as he does so)
I just figured out why you give me so much trouble.
CUT TO:

FEZZIK,
as he charges toward a huge rock that lines the path, and just as he reaches it he spins his giant body so that the entire weight of the charge is taken by the Man In Black.

CUT TO:

THE MAN IN BLACK.
And the power of the charge is terrible, the pain enormous, but he clings to his grip at FEZZIK's windpipe.

MAN IN BLACK
(his arms never leave FEZZIK's throat)
Why is that, do you think?
FEZZIK
(his voice just beginning to get a little strained)
Well, I haven't fought just one person for so long. I've been specializing in groups. Battling gangs for local charities, that kind of thing.
CUT TO:

ANOTHER HUGE ROCK ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PATH.
Again FEZZIK charges, slower this time, but still a charge, and again he spins and creams the Man In Black against the rough boulder.

CUT TO:

THE MAN IN BLACK.
And the punishment is terrible, and for a moment it seems as if he is going to let go of FEZZIK's windpipe and crumble, but he doesn't, he holds on.

MAN IN BLACK
Why should that make such a difference?
FEZZIK
Well ...
(And now his voice is definitely growing weaker)
... you see, you use different moves when you're fighting half a dozen people than when you only have to be worried about one.
Again FEZZIK slams the Man In Black against a boulder, only this time his power has diminished and FEZZIK starts to slowly collapse.

CUT TO:

FEZZIK.
And there isn't much breath coming.

CUT TO:

THE MAN IN BLACK,
holding his grip as FEZZIK tries to stand, halfway makes it, but there is no air. Back to his knees he falls, holds there for a moment, and pitches down to all fours. The Man In Black increases the pressure. FEZZIK tries to crawl. But there is just no air. No air. FEZZIK goes to earth and lies still.

CUT TO:

FEZZIK,
as the Man In Black turns him over, puts his ear to FEZZIK's heart. It beats. The Man In Black stands.

MAN IN BLACK
I don't envy you the headache you will have when you awake. But, in the meantime, rest well ... and dream of large women.
And he nimbly scoops up his sword with his foot, catches it and as he dashes off up along the mountain path --

CUT TO:

PRINCE HUMPERDINCK,
as he slips his boot into a foot print in the sand.

Count Rugen mounted, watches. Behind him, half a dozen armed WARRIORS, also mounted. A GREAT WHITE HORSE waits riderless in front. Humperdinck is all over the rocky ground, and maybe he isn't the best hunter in the world. Then again, maybe he is. Because, as he begins to put his feet into strange positions, we realize that what he is doing is miming the fencers.

HUMPERDINCK
There was a mighty duel -- it ranged all over. They were both masters.
RUGEN
Who won? How did it end?
HUMPERDINCK
(looking down in the position where Inigo fell unconscious)
The loser ran off alone.
(points in the direction Vizzini and FEZZIK took)
The winner followed those footprints toward Guilder!
RUGEN
Shall we track them both?
HUMPERDINCK
The loser is nothing. -- Only the Princess matters --
(to the armed warriors)
-- clearly this was all planned by warriors of Guilder. We must be ready for whatever lies ahead.
RUGEN
Could this be a trap?
HUMPERDINCK
(vaulting onto his horse)
I always think everything could be a trap -- Which is why I'm still alive.
And he gallops off --

CUT TO:

THE MAN IN BLACK,
cresting the peak of the mountain.

CUT TO:

CLOSE-UP ON
a knife pointed at a throat -- PULL BACK TO REVEAL Vizzini munching on an apple, holding the knife to Buttercup's throat. She is blindfolded.

A PICNIC SPREAD is laid out. A tablecloth, two goblets and between them, a small leather wine container. And some cheese and a couple of apples. The picnic is set on a lovely spot, high on the edge of a mountain path with a view all the way back to the sea.

The Man In Black comes running around the path, sees Vizzini, slows. The two men study each other. Then --

VIZZINI
So, it is down to you. And it is down to me.
The Man In Black nods and comes nearer --

VIZZINI
If you wish her dead, by all means keep moving forward.
And he pushes his long knife harder against Buttercup's unprotected throat.

MAN IN BLACK
Let me explain-
VIZZINI
-- there's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen.
MAN IN BLACK
Perhaps an arrangement can be reached.
VIZZINI
There will be no arrangement --
(deliberate)
-- and you're killing her!
CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP'S THROAT,
as Vizzini jabs with his long knife. Buttercup gasps against the pain.

CUT TO:

THE MAN IN BLACK,
stopping fast.

MAN IN BLACK
But if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse.
VIZZINI
I'm afraid so -- I can't compete with you physically. And you're no match for my brains.
MAN IN BLACK
You're that smart?
VIZZINI
Let me put it this way: have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
MAN IN BLACK
Yes.
VIZZINI
Morons.
MAN IN BLACK
Really? In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits.
VIZZINI
For the Princess?
The Man In Black nods.

VIZZINI
To the death?
Another nod.

VIZZINI
I accept.
MAN IN BLACK
Good. Then pour the wine.
As Vizzini fills the goblets with the dark red liquid, the Man In Black pulls a small packet from his clothing, handing it to Fizzini.

MAN IN BLACK
Inhale this, but do not touch.
VIZZINI
(doing it)
I smell nothing.
MAN IN BLACK
(taking the packet back)
What you do not smell is called iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the more deadlier poisons known to man.
VIZZINI
Hmm.
CUT TO:

VIZZINI,
watching excitedly as the Man In Black takes the goblets, turns his back. A moment later, he turns again, faces Vizzini, drops the iocane packet. It is now empty.

The Man In Black rotates the goblets in a little shell game maneuver then puts one glass in front of Vizzini, the other in front of himself.

MAN IN BLACK
All right: where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right and who is dead.
VIZZINI
But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you. Are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet, or his enemy's?
He studies the Man In Black now.

VIZZINI
Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I'm not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
MAN IN BLACK
(And now there's a trace of nervousness beginning)
You've made your decision then7
VIZZINI
Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
MAN IN BLACK
Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
VIZZINI
Wait till I get going! Where was I?
MAN IN BLACK
Australia.
VIZZINI
Yes -- Australia, and you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
MAN IN BLACK
(very nervous)
You're just stalling now.
VIZZINI
(cackling)
You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?
(stares at the Man in Black)
You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong. So, you could have put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard which means you must have studied. And in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
As Vizzini's pleasure has been growing throughout, the Man In Black's has been fast disappearing.

MAN IN BLACK
You're trying to trick me into giving away something -- it won't work --
VIZZINI
(triumphant)
It has worked -- you've given everything away -- I know where the poison is.
MAN IN BLACK
(fool's courage)
Then make your choice.
VIZZINI
I will. And I choose --
And suddenly he stops, points at something behind the Man In Black.

VIZZINI
-- what in the world can that be?
CUT TO:

THE MAN IN BLACK,
turning around, looking.

MAN IN BLACK
What? Where? I don't see anything.
CUT TO:

VIZZINI,
busily switching the goblets while the Man In Black has his head turned.

VIZZINI
Oh, well, I-I could have sworn I saw something. No matter.
The Man In Black turns to face him again. Vizzini starts to laugh.

MAN IN BLACK
What's so funny?
VIZZINI
I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's drink -- me from my glass, and you from yours.
And he picks up his goblet. The Man In Black picks up the one in front of him. As they both start to drink, Vizzini hesitates a moment.

Then, allowing the Man In Black to drink first, he swallows his wine.

MAN IN BLACK
You guessed wrong.
VIZZINI
(roaring with laughter)
You only think I guessed wrong --
(louder now)
-- that's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned. You fool.
CUT TO:

THE MAN IN BLACK.
There's nothing he can say. He just sits there.

CUT TO:

VIZZINI,
watching him.

VIZZINI
You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia." But only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line."
He laughs and roars and cackles and whoops and is in all ways quite cheery until he falls over dead.

CUT TO:

THE MAN IN BLACK,
stepping past the corpse, taking the blindfold and bindings off Buttercup, who notices Vizzini lying dead.

The Man In Black pulls her to her feet.

BUTTERCUP
Who are you?
MAN IN BLACK
I am no one to be trifled with, that is all you ever need know.
He starts to lead her off the mountain path into untraveled terrain.

BUTTERCUP
(a final glance back toward Vizzini)
To think -- all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.
MAN IN BLACK
They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.
And with that, he takes off, dragging her behind him.

CUT TO:
A MOUNTAIN PATH
It's where FEZZIK fought the Man in Black. CAMERA PULLS BACK TO REVEAL the Prince, kneeling, inspecting every grain of misplaced sand. The others wait behind bim.

HUMPERDINCK
Someone has beaten a giant!
(roaring)
There will be great suffering in Guilder if she dies.
He leaps onto his horse and they charge off.

CUT TO:

A WILD STRETCH OF TERRAIN

The Man In Black comes running into view, still dragging Buttercup, who sometimes stumbles, but he keeps forcing her along. Finally, when she is close to exhaustion, he lets go of her.

MAN IN BLACK
(his voice harsh now, carrying the promise of violence)
Catch your breath.
BUTTERCUP
If you'll release me ... whatever you ask for ransom ... you'll get it, I promise you...
MAN IN BLACK
And what is that worth, the promise of a woman? You're very funny, Highness.
BUTTERCUP
I was giving you a chance. No matter where you take me ... there's no greater hunter than Prince Humperdinck. He could track a falcon on a cloudy day. He can find you
.
MAN IN BLACK
You think your dearest love will save you?
BUTTERCUP
I never said he was my dearest love. And yes, he will save me. That I know.
MAN IN BLACK
You admit to me you do not love your fiance?
BUTTERCUP
He knows I do not love him.
MAN IN BLACK
"Are not capable of love" is what you mean.
BUTTERCUP
I have loved more deeply than a killer like yourself could ever dream.
And the Man In Black cocks back a fist. Buttercup flinches, but does not retreat.

MAN IN BLACK
That was a warning, Highness. The next time, my hand flies on its own. For where I come from, there are penalties when a woman lies.
CUT TO:

VIZZINI'S BODY.
The picnic is spread as before.

CAMERA PULLS BACK TO REVEAL the Prince kneeling by the body as the others ride up. The Prince grabs the empty poison packet, hands it to Rugen, after first sniffing it himself.

HUMPERDINCK
Iocane. I'd bet my life on it.
(gestures to the trail ahead)
And there are the Princess's footprints. She is alive ... or was, an hour ago. If she is otherwise when I find her, I shall be very put out.
And as he vaults onto his horse and the all charge off --

CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP,
being spun INTO CAMERA view, falling heavily as the Man In Black releases her. We are at the edge of an almost sheer ravine. The drop is sharp and severe. Below, the ravine floor is flat, but getting there would not be half the fun.

MAN IN BLACK
Rest, Highness.
BUTTERCUP
(stares at him)
I know who you are -- your cruelty reveals everything.
The Man In Black says nothing.

BUTTERCUP
You're the Dread Pirate Roberts; admit it.
MAN IN BLACK
With pride. What can I do for you?
BUTTERCUP
You can die slowly cut into a thousand pieces.
MAN IN BLACK
Hardly complimentary, Your Highness. Why loose your venom on me?
CLOSE UP - BUTTERCUP, quietly now.

BUTTERCUP
You killed my love.
CUT TO:

THE MAN IN BLACK
watching her closely.

MAN IN BLACK
It's possible; I kill a lot of people. Who was this love of yours? Another Prince, like this one, ugly, rich, and scabby?
BUTTERCUP
No. A farm boy. Poor. Poor and perfect, with eyes like the sea after a storm.
CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP.
And probably, if she did not hate Roberts so, there would be tears.

BUTTERCUP
On the high seas, your ship attacked, and the Dread Pirate Roberts never takes prisoners.
MAN IN BLACK
(explaining as a teacher might)
I can't afford to make exceptions. Once word leaks out that a pirate has gone soft, people begin to disobey you, and then it's nothing but work, work, work, all the time.
BUTTERCUP
You mock my pain.
MAN IN BLACK
Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something. I remember this farm boy of yours, I think. This would be, what, five years ago?
Buttercup nods.

MAN IN BLACK
Does it bother you to hear?
BUTTERCUP
Nothing you can say will upset me.
MAN IN BLACK
He died well, that should please you. No bribe attempts or blubbering. He simply said, "Please. Please, I need to live." It was the "please" that caught my memory. I asked him what was so important for him. "True love," he replied. And then he spoke of a girl of surpassing beauty and faithfulness. I can only assume he meant you. You should bless me for destroying him before he found out what you really are.
BUTTERCUP
And what am I?
MAN IN BLACK
Faithfulness he talked of, madam. Your enduring faithfulness. Now, tell me truly. When you found out he was gone, did you get engaged to your prince that same hour, or did you wait a whole week out of respect for the dead?
BUTTERCUP
You mocked me once, never do it again -- I died that day!
The Man In Black is about to reply as they stand there on the edge of the sheer ravine. But then something catches his attention and as he stares at it briefly,

CUT TO:

HIS P.O.V.:
The dust cloud caused by Humperdinck's HORSES is rising up into the sky.

CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP,
and while his attention is on the dust cloud, rising high, she pushes him with all the strength she has.

BUTTERCUP
You can die too, for all I care!!
CUT TO:

THE MAN IN BLACK,
teetering on the ravine edge, for a moment, then he begins to fall. Down goes the Man In Black. Down, down, rolling, spinning, crashing always down toward the flat rock floor of the ravine.

CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP,
staring transfixed at what she has wrought.

There is a long pause. She stands there, alone, as from far below the words come to ber, drifting on the wind --

MAN IN BLACK
... as ... you ... wish...
BUTTERCUP
Oh, my sweet Westley; what have I done?
And without a second thought or consideration of the dangers, she starts into the ravine. A moment later, she too is falling, spinning and twisting, crashing and torn, cartwheeling down toward what is left of her beloved.

CUT TO:

THE DUST CLOUD,
rising.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL

Prince Humperdinck and the others reining in at the spot where Buttercup promised ransom in exchange for her freedom. The Prince shakes his head.

HUMPERDINCK
Disappeared. He must have seen us closing in, which might account for his panicking in error. Unless I'm wrong, and I am never wrong, they are headed dead into the fire swamp.
CUT TO:

COUNT RUGEN.
The mere mention of the Fire Swamp makes him pale.

CUT TO:
THE RAVINE FLOOR
TWO BODIES lie a few feet apart, not moving. It is, of course, Buttercup and Westley. They might be corpses. After a time, Westley slowly forces his body into motion and as he does,

CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP,
bruised and torn, as Westley crawls slowly toward her.

WESTLEY
Can you move at all?
BUTTERCUP
(weakly stretching out an arm toward him)
Move? You're alive. If you want, I can fly.
WESTLEY
I told you, "I would always come for you." Why didn't you wait for me?
BUTTERCUP
Well ... you were dead.
WESTLEY
Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
BUTTERCUP
I will never doubt again.
WESTLEY
There will never be a need.
And now, they begin to kiss; it's a tender kiss, tender and loving and gentle and --

THE KID
(off-screen)
Oh no. No, please.
CUT TO:
THE KID's BEDROOM
GRANDFATHER
What is it? What's the matter?
THE KID
They're kissing again, do we have to hear the kissing part?
GRANDFATHER
Someday, you may not mind so much.
THE KID
Skip on to the Fire Swamp -- that sounded good.
GRANDFATHER
Oh. You're sick, I'll humor you.
(he picks up the book again)
So now, where were we here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah. Oh. Okay. Westley and Buttercup raced along the ravine floor.
CUT TO:

WESTLEY AND BUTTERCUP
racing along the ravine floor. Westley glances up.

CUT TO:

HUMPERDINCK AND HIS MEN
perched on top of the cliff, looking down at Westley and Buttercup.

CUT TO:
WESTLEY.
WESTLEY
Ha. Your pig fiance is too late. A few more steps and we'll be safe in the Fire Swamp.
CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP,
and Westley has tried to say it with Chevalier-like nonchalance, but she ain't buying.

BUTTERCUP
We'll never survive.
WESTLEY
Nonsense -- you're only saying that because no one ever has.
As they race off, leaving Humperdinck and his men stranded, defeated.

CUT TO:
THE FIRE SWAMP
And it really doesn't look any worse than any other moist, sulphurous, infernal horror you might run across. Great trees block the sun.

CUT TO:

WESTLEY AND BUTTERCUP.
Buttercup is clearly panicked and maybe Westley is too, but he moves jauntily along, sword in hand.

WESTLEY
It's not that bad. I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely.
THE GIANT TREES, thick and black-green, look ominous as hell and they shield all but intermittent stripes of sun.

A GIANT SPURT OF FLAME leaps up, preceded by a slight popping sound, and this particular spurt of flame misses Westley, but Buttercup is suddenly onfire; at least the lower half of her is and --

CUT TO:

WESTLEY,
instantly forcing Buttercup to sit, gathering her flaming hem in his hands, doing his best to suffocate the fire. This isn't all that easy and it causes him a bit of grief, but he does his best to sound as jaunty as before.

WESTLEY
Well now, that was an adventure.
He examines where the flames burst over her.

WESTLEY
Singed a bit, were you?
BUTTERCUP
(She wasn't and she shakes her head "no")
You?
He was, and he shakes his head "no." As he pulls her to her feet --

CUT TO:
THE SWAMP FLOOR
-- and as there's another popping sound,

CUT TO:

WESTLEY GRABBING BUTTERCUP,
pulling her aside to safety as another great spun of flame suddenly shoots up.

WESTLEY
Well, one thing I will say. The Fire Swamp certainly does keep you on your toes.
Buttercup is frozen with fear. He takes her hand, gently kads herforzvard as we-

CUT TO:

The two of them
moving slowly along through a particularly dangerous part of the Fire Swamp.

It's later now, the sun slants down at a slightly different angle.

WESTLEY
(happily)
This will all soon be but a happy memory because Roberts' ship "Revenge" is anchored at the far end. And I, as you know, am Roberts.
BUTTERCUP
But how is that possible, since he's been marauding twenty years and you only left me five years ago?
WESTLEY
I myself am often surprised at life's little quirks.
There is again a popping sound, then a huge spurt of flame. Westley simply picks up Buttercup as they walk along, moves her out of danger, puts her back down, goes right on talking without missing a beat.

WESTLEY
You see, what I told you before about saying "please" was true. It intrigued Roberts, as did my descriptions of your beauty.
CUT TO:

SOME HIDEOUS VINES --
they look like they could be flesh eating. Westley takes his sword, slices a path for them to follow. The vines groan as they fall. He's been chatting away the entire time.

WESTLEY
Finally, Roberts decided something. He said, "All right, Westley, I've never had a valet. You can try it for tonight. I'll most likely kill you in the morning." Three years he said that. "Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning." It was a fine time for me. I was learning to fence, to fight, anything anyone would teach me. And Roberts and I eventually became friends. And then it happened.
BUTTERCUP
What? -- go on --
Westley picks her up, carrying her across some swamp water that is bridged by a narrow, rickety tree branch.

WESTLEY
Well, Roberts had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. So he took me to his cabin and told me his secret. "I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts," he said. "My name is Ryan. I inherited this ship from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from was not the real Dread Pirate Roberts, either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Roberts has been retired fifteen years and living like a king in Patagonia." Then he explained the name was the important thing for inspiring the necessary fear. You see, no one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley.
The two of them have by now crossed the pond.

WESTLEY
So we sailed ashore, took on an entirely new crew and he stayed aboard for awhile as first mate, all the time calling me Roberts. Once the crew believed, he left the ship and I have been Roberts ever since. Except, now that we're together, I shall retire and hand the name over to someone else. Is everything clear to you?
Buttercup, perplexed, is about to reply but the ground she steps on gives way -- it's Lightning Sand -- a great patch of it, and it has her -- a cloud of powder rises and she sinks into the stuff crying Westley's name but then she is gone as we --

CUT TO:

WESTLEY WHIRLING,
slashing at a U-shaped vine, hacks it in half -- it's still connected to the tree. Then be grabs it, drops his sword, and, clutching the other end of the vine, he dives into the lightning sand and there is another cloud of white powder, but it settles quickly.

Now nothing can be seen. Nothing at all. Just the lightning sand, lovely and lethal.

HOLD ON THE LIGHTNING SAND -- THEN --

An odd panting sound is heard now. The panting sound is suddenly very loud. And then a giant R.0.U.S. darts into view. The R.0.U.S. -- a Rodent of Unusual Size -- is probably no more than eighty pounds of bone and power. It sniffs around a bit then, as quickly as it has come, it goes.

CUT TO:

THE LIGHTNING SAND,
as Westley, lungs long past the bursting point, explodes out; he has Buttercup across his shoulders and as he pulls to the edge of the lightning sand pit, using the vine --

CUT TO:

CLOSE-UP - BUTTERCUP.
Her face is caked with the white powder. It is in her eyes, her ears, hair, mouth. She's still probably beautiful, but you have to look awfully hard to see it. As Westley continues to pull them to safety --

CUT TO:

The R.0.U.S.,
high above them; it watches --

CUT TO:

BUTTERCUP,
placed against a tree. Westley is cleaning the lightning sand from

her face.
He hesitates, glances around and

CUT TO:

The R.0.U.S.
on a much lower branch now. It stares down at Westley.

Westley stares back up at the beast. Buttercup is oblivious. Her eyes flutter. He continues to work on her as --

BUTTERCUP
We'll never succeed -- we may as well die here.
WESTLEY
No. No. We have already succeeded.
(he glances back again)
Now THERE ARE TWO R.0.U.S.'s. The have climbed into a nearby tree, stare hungrily down.

CUT TO:

WESTLEY, picking her up.
He puts an arm around her, starts to walk with her as he encouragingly goes on talking.

WESTLEY
I mean, what are the

Sorry, I liked the entire movie :-)

OMG! I love this movie! I drive my kids (and hubby) crazy constantly reciting/watching it over and over again. Thanks for the site link!

Not that anyone will get this far, but, my favorite line is:

"Aaaaaaaaaaas youuuuuuuuuuuuuu wisshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" as he rolls down the hill!

lol. I gotta agree with Zoot. That was MY FAVORITE line of all time :)

I watched it with my daughter the other day. I was laughing so hard. She just looked at me like I was crazy!! I love the whole movie!!!
The whole movie is a good one liner!

i'm buttercup. what the hell?

oh farmboy...

Count Tyron Rugen... lol I loved that whole movie.

"the first is never get involved in a land war in asia!
but the second, and only slightly less well known is never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ahahahaha Ahahahaaaaaa" falls down dead........

I love the whole movie but that is by far my fav line

"There are only so many perfect breasts in this world. It would be a shame to ruin yours."

Best pickup line ever.

but it still is wednesday - which I'm convinced is the longest day of the week.

I want friday too... and maybe a permanent weekend to follow it.

He He He, now that is a good prayer.. and with that face, who could resist ?
heres to hoping you get your prayer answered. Lord knows I want Friday to get here too.

ohhh and by the way, thanks for the idea for a new graphic idea... I have had two suggestions of using the marble Idea.. so hmmm we will see what shows up. (not sure when, sister is moving and have to wait till she gets back online to do it for me! UGH) those eyes will just have to keep freaking us all out for a little while longer.

I'll amen that.

Yes, but it's never too early in the week for a beer.

Now you KNOW what I'm going to say don't you?!

It's only Wednesday for me for another 50 minutes! W00t!

Amen.

Go ahead and get started early. We won't tell.

What a cutie! (I mean her, not you, since I know you're a smartass) ;)

Just in time to have wings and beer for the game tomorrow night.

Reminder to self: always be EXTRA nice to Genuine Girl.

That is sweet ~ Hey! ask her to pray for debby who's been out of work all week!
Glad you're A-"OK"

AAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW. Glad you're feeling better

I like your kid

If only we adults could be more like children. I'm glad you're better today, G.

Ahhh, the power of prayer!

That is so cool! I love the pictures!!!

Great pics! Thanks for sharing them with us!

Sorry, I can't help with the font size. I only know how to do it in HTML.

Your kids are clones of you two! How cute!

hey ,cool pics... nice to see some faces 'stead of text. sorry it took me so long to get over here....
:)
Kira

Awww ... those were really good! Thanks for sharing :)

<a href="http://photos.genuineblog.com" target="_blank"><font size="+1">Genuine Pictures</font></a>

try that.

and GREAT pics!

Thanks for sharing. It's nice to put faces to names! You have a lovely family!

Great pics of you and the family...but what's the deal with the scanner in the background? Hee hee.

I have a movie for that. Maybe.

Thanks for sharing the pics! Uh, about the genuine button you are encouraging us to steal...I'll steal it. Whatcha give me? LOL

God, I hate math.

being sick sucks. glad your back in action.

Glad to hear you're on the mend!

See, there was no hockey game for us, since that complete meltdown on Saturday. I'm a sad sack Stars fan, see. Of course, being a Tx Rangers fan also, I'm not used to this "playoff" concept, either....

So glad that you are feeling better. :)

I'm glad to hear you're doing better :) are we playing you guys in the next round of playoff games?? GO WINGS *heh*

Probably the hockey that cured you, I'm a nurse, I know stuff like this.

Bring on the beer and Sharks. I assume you're well enough for beer aren't you?

*Grabbing beer cooler* Um where do I put this?

mmm beer and hockey - nothing like it. However, I have sadly admit that with so much going on, I haven't been keeping up with the Flyers... i imagine if they haven't choked yet, it's just a matter of time. *sigh*

Oh my - isn't Neuschwanstein gorgeous!! I particularly like the view from the bridge - scared of heights and all - it's worth the wobbly legs :0) Glad you're feeling better - maybe in a week or two you'll feel closer to a million.

$1.36? Hope the decimal point disappears and a few zeros get added on when you wake up tomorrow :) Glad you're feeling better.

So sorry to learn you were sick but glad you're feeling better :-) In no time, you'll be feeling right as that 50 CENT guy!!

ps. I caught the news about some major butt hockey game tonight....all Canadians are supposed to live for hockey but me - not so much. No idea who won or even who the Leafs played but I'm off to find out. If we beat your team, I'm eternally sorry and will pout as necessary on your behalf!

Glad you're feeling better!

Glad you are feeling better but be wary- this is a tricky bug. It likes for you to think that you are feeling better.. ;-)

Enjoy that oyster cracker..

I'm thinking Stu Barnes would be a better fit for baby genuine.

Either way, as long as he DOESN'T have the looks of Mike Ricci, you will be fine.

I can hear it now,
"Aww.. look at little Stu"

Speaking as a long time Stars fan, I think it would be understandable for me to just say...."Bite me!" ;-)

I think Jenn is a little bitter :-)

Who are you cheering for tonight G? I'm hoping for the Nyuks.

I would much rather play Detroit right now over San Jose. I'm a big Canucks fan right now.

sweet

Okay....this has nothing to do with your post. I just wanted to say that I love the new look! Very cool.

GOOOOOOOOO WINGS!!!!!! hee hee...I love my boys...GO WINGS :)

What are you guys talking about? Is this some kind of game, perhaps like football (that would be soccer)?

You really need to educate yourselves in sport.

**Looks at Zeno - drops stick, throws off gloves**

Thems is fightin' werdz.

Trust me, Detroit has nothing you want! hehe...other than maybe hockey players...LOL We do need to come up with a little wager though....

I dunno Theresa, we have Faygo pop and Better Maid snacks!

Go San Jose!

Hey .... What's wrong with Ricci?

He's considered very sexy in the Bay area! :0)

I don't know what that says about Bay Area women's tastes exactly, but anyways.... Seems we'll be enjoying round two together. :0) Go Sharks!!!

GO AVS!! I hate the "Dead Wings"! I know a kid here in Colo, named Gretsky, its the coolest thing...

ok I've tried to figure it out but I can't. What does AVS stand for? Which team is that?
Sorry I don't follow hockey much at all...

I'm guessing your difficult time had nothing to do with the eyes of innocent child and your adventures in fatherhood.

Wow, illness in you really does bring out great stuff. Not wishing you a "lasting" illness mnd you, but that was great.

I remember you reading that to us one night when you were over. I was pregnant with princess. (If I remember right)
Hearing it again made me remember that time for me as well as for you.
Isn't it amazing how far life has come since then.
Now you get to look into the eyes of your own children.
Ok now I 'm weepy. Quit it!

what the hell. i didn't come here to get misty-eyed. damn you genuine! damn you ...

I'm speechless. Wow. Incredible

That is awesome :) It really is!

Soup broth! Doesn't taste great but at least there's no chunks! (hee hee!)

This is a test. Blah blah. Test test.

Hot wings....no wait....crackers and water

Spicy tuna? Popcorn?

Just the first things that come to mind.

Ice cream. Doesn't taste quite as good, but it's great for killing that acid-taste.

I'd stick with liquids. The less chunks the better!

Also...to help get rid of that queasy feeling, hold some ice on the inside of your wrists and alternate until it subsides. My granny used to do that for me and it works!

NOT french fries. Too eerily similar going both ways. (Can you tell I had this flu lat week?) I'm guessing pizza would be similarly repulsive.

Try Pedialyte! They make popsicles now!

just stick with Ginger Ale and pretzels ~ and watch the clock! it's over in 24 hours.

no corn...'nuff said.

greasy cold pork fat in an ash tray....mmmmmm

Dammit Lee I knew you were gonna do that!

You are at least predictable LOL. *BLEAH*

My eyes! Lee, you bastard, I knew what you were going to do and I couldn't look away in time!!!

You know, it's still disgusting even when you're well.

Hey! I'm well! First time in three weeks!

And Gen, it realy does only last 24 hours. Twenthy-four loooong, miserable, painful, messy hours.

Strangely, I just had this discussion yesterday with my eight year old son. It started out as, "Mommy...I don't feel very.....blaaaaaaaaap...hey, I didn't eat any carrots earlier! Where did THAT come from?"

Yuck!!! Get better and stopping talking like this.

ACK! I say cereal as long as it comes back up before the milk curdles.

If I wasn't sick before I read the comments, I am now! Eek! "less chunks"...ewww...

Uh oh, hope you aren't going to get THAT bug...

I wish I had something clever to say, but my toast barely stayed down this morning. I'll just nod my head sympathetically.

Rut roh, feel better soon!

Feel better Mr. G!

Are you having post 1st trimester sympathy pains? Hope you feel better

Experience that on a daily basis.....geeez...

I'm sorry, I hate when that happens!

It's sucks, yeah.... sorry to hear. Some days we should've just stayed in bed. :(

Actually, I'm living that, now.

My heart goes out to you, G. Just- whatever you do- don't bring that bug back my way.

Seriously- feel better soon!

Welcome to my world, G. Urp!

It must be in the air. I think blogdom in general is blah today. I'm living your day as well, G.

Is it wrong that I feel that way everyday???

Awww. sorry you're not feeling well. Take care of you

IT WORKS!!!YEAH!!! COOL! Mustang Sally??? Ok. Whatever floats your boat! Cool song.

I'm groovin to it! LOL Thanks! Haven't heard this one in a while!

HOLY you know what! I don't blog for a weekend, and I come back to this! I love it! Oh, Happy Anniversary, although I'm a bit late here...

Awesome song! oldie but goodie!
thanks!

Wow ~ it worked - you rock!
Who says you're not a computer geek?

Mustang Sally performed by the Commitments is one of my favs!! Great tune :-)

how'd you do that anyway? it's an awesome idea!

There's nothing greater than a child's laugh. I have an excellent picture of my two-year-old daughter jammin' out to the walkman she's wearing that always makes me smile, too.

my kids are what keep me going everyday. Ok, except for the days where they fight all day long about everything and anything, but seriously, they are what makes it all worth it.

What a cute little boy!

Absolutely nothing makes me happier than seeing my kids happy. :) Cute pic

Maybe it's because he knows he's still too little to have to pick up the wreck room.

First? The redesign is AWESOME. Second? WHAT a CUTE picture!!

You "home" looks absolutely knightly!

This pic made me smile too!

-d

kisses! I love that picture.

Cuter than cute!

Hey! He kinda looks like his uncle there!! *lol*

Nothing more "genuine" than a kid laughing from the soul. Good pic, Genuine

Aww too cute! Great picture!

happy anniversary!

Happy Anniversary, Mr. and Mrs. G!! I remember standing at that little chapel watching the beautiful Mrs. G walk down that rose covered aisle. I remember being so nervous that I was going to lose the ring (G woulda killed me!). And I remember the reception afterward! Man was that a drunken hoo-haw or what! I remember..........I remember...........wait a tick...........no I don't! I wasn't there! Hell, I didn't even know you then! Oh crap! I've gone and picked up on someone else's damn memories again. Damnit! I hate when that happens.

Sorry dude.

Aww how sweet *wiping tears away* :))
Happy Anniversary!!

Oh. My. Gosh. My wedding anniversary is today too!!! That's so weird. And cool!

Happy Anniversary, Mr. & Mrs. G!

Happy Anniversary to the Knight and shining armor and his beautiful bride! Here's wishing you both a lifetime of love, happiness, health and happy anniversaries!

Happy Anniversary! ~ and as they say: Many More!

Happy Anniversary!!

Happy Anniversary :)

Wheeeeeeeeeeee! I was due with our first on our 5th, but of course he came early and I was a weeping, postpartum, frazzled mess for our big day.

Here's wishing your is much better!!!!

Wow, been away for a few day, love what you have done with the place. Have a great day! Happy anniversary!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MR. AND MRS. G
Here's to many years of lots of happiness and abundance in spirit and wealth.

wow buzz...there for a moment I thought you were there...the description was right on. Genuine thought it was okay for me to leave the reception alone while he finished partying!!! No really isn't he just the sweetest thing ever.Thank you honey your the best. I love you XOXOXOXO

Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary Mr & Mrs. G

I had the honor of being there and standing up in the bridal party.
Other than my sister's wedding it was the only other wedding I had been in. My other friends had always eloped!!
I remember us getting our hair done and getting into the beautiful soft pink, purple and blue dresses and going to the chapel! I remember Mrs. G's dress. It was beautiful. She looked beautiful.
I remember thinking to myself that it was going to be nice to have another sister in law. Someone that we thought that would be a good wife to Mr. G and take care of him. (Lord knows he needs it!!)
Someday we'll have to throw an anniversary party where no one is pregnant and all children are with sitters. Then we'll have a reception!
Now we all have the bonus feature of Genuine Girl and Genuine Boy and the Genuine Baby!
Happy 5th Anniversary.
Love you all

Congratulations!

What a teeny, tiny world. I had an IM earlier today from Amber saying that your BROTHER was at their house. In Brussels.

Happy Anniversary to the both of you and may the future bring you many more years together!

Happy Anniversary!

You two deserve each other. You both are such really really neat people. G. I remember how lost you were until you found Mrs. G. I just love it that you both
are happy and things have turned out for you both. What a great thing love is!!

THIS LOOKS AWESOME!!! COOL!

I like the new digs, but where did you get the photo of my house??? I want royalties for it's use (no pun intended).

This looks just fantastic!!

I love it!

Where am I?? Wow, really cool.

OMG! Your site looks GREAT!!!

Looks awesome!

Whoa, this is great! I love it!

Great job, Joelle!

Holy fucking shit! LOLOLOL. OK , I have to confess to a major, big-time, embarrassing thought:

I wondered wtf the last design came from--I wondered if it could possibly be one Joelle did. NOW WAIT--I didn't think it looked ANYTHING like what she normally does but I wondered if you had asked for something muted (she loves that you know) and masculine, or what. I somehow had the idea that she had already done yours, and I have to say I like this MUUUUUCH better!!

She ROCKS, and I can't wait to have my next skin done!

Me likey long time

WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
This is totally cool.

Wow! It looks good on you.

Dude, mindy... you actually thought I'd done that generic crapola? Bah! Bah, I say! ;)

I don't love muted, either. I'm color queen! Crazy insane color, actually. lol.

omg!! It's great! and very you!

Delurking to say:
Wow! Looks good! Very manly, but soothing, romantic and Arthurian (my personal favorite).

Awesome work to the Moxie Goddess as usual!

Joelle, you have no idea how many nights I sat up hoping that wasn't you. It was more out of fear that a client could talk you into it than a lack of confidence in your creativity. I just for some reason thought it had already been finished!

Now, Jim, (smoothing your brow) don't feel sad, it was a perfectly nice design. Just not... Joelle. Not wonderful. But still very nice because you were writing in it. Boring, sure, masculine to the point of making me want to heat up some pot pourri, sure, but still OK as a place holder.

Tell you what: you can take it out on me starting next Friday. I've already set you up as an author. But, not being stupid, I won't send you the login info until I actually leave town. ;-)

P.S. Word to the wise: cough up the extra ten or twenty bucks for the formatting (bold, italic, URL) and live preview scripts. You'll LOVE them.

I love it. It's beautiful. Good job Joelle.

I LOVE this new layout! I just love the Medeival times... I think I was there in another life ;-) Castles, Knights... so cool.

Have a GREAT weekend!

Joelle is the best!! But every time I see a new skin that she designed, I want another one!

This looks great - congrats!

Looks great, bro. Not as nice as your old one, but still pretty decent.

I lOVE your new design! Looks great!

Fantabulous! What an awesome design!!

Am I missing something? Wasn't the "old skin" just the MT default or am I on crack?

awesome job! i love the blue and black....and since i've actually BEEN to neusheinstein (sp?) or however you spell that darn castle, it's nice to see pictures of it when i visit here.

Wow, it looks great in here!

That's kind of depressing....

how did you get your user counter in there? I'm having a fuss and a half figuring out how to get mine... same for the sitemeter. Am I missing something obvious?

damn.....I'm a white one too. Maybe we should start a club.

Ummmm can anyone tell me what happend to the picture?

I don't know honey, I kinda like the little box with the red x.

Oh yeah? How do you like me now?

I'm like a code talker now.

Who's your daddy?

Wow!
Great new look!

Very COOL new look!

Oh, I believe I've been to that castle if it is Neuschwanstein. If it's not, then nevermind.

Look at you all dressed up!!! Very nice!! Mrs. G has trained you well :)

Looks good... Im thinking about switching to MT after I back from Flor-ee-dah. I am feeling a need to be a conformist.

Anyway... it looks good :) Congrats on your new skin!

LOL Yep, you're a truly nice guy. :-) And a very entertaining writer. Hi to Mrs. G!!!!

i like that hypochondriac reference...hehehe.

But Genuine---Mr. Gates is just trying to make your cyber life easier. HAHAHHA

All will see Windows ME at the beginning of your post and know that it was a good choice.

However, *ahem*, let it also be known that I did suggest that you hire the geeks at your local computer store to do the installation for you. Why? because I have gotten to know you. ;-)

Yes, Windows ME S.U.C.K.S. But I had to say that I instantly smacked my forehead when I read you were installing it yourself. I don't have a movie for that.

THANK YOU GOD I HAVE A GEEK FOR A HUSBBAND!!!! I am so computer illiterate and can so relate to your frustration!!! If I can not understand something I refer to my main geek man and he works his magic

You're a braver soul than I am. Hope it worked out for ya!

Yep. What Suzy said. Yer braver than me. You still here?

Ah yes, another tech-challenged soul...you can do it! If not, you can pay to have someone do it!

Microsoft is evil...

and i got a new blog... you can comment now :-)

I'm dying to start the dreaded Mac vs. PC debate, but...I'm...trying...to...hold...self...back.

actually autumn, you're wrong. micro$oft isn't evil, just enterprising. they want ALL the computer business in the world. how very capitalistic of them.

*hums god bless america*

That's why I love my step-daughter, who set up my blog ~ I just call and say "Hey ... how do I ...?"
and she says "never mind, I'll go in and do it for you"

I guess definition of evil... they're out to take over all of the computer business. That's fine when they don't force it. Like they tried before... Some people prefer linux b/c it runs all nice, and some b/c they hate microsoft.

Honestly, I'm a bystander in the whole thing. I am justed related to too many computer geeks. 1/2 Mac users, 1/2 PC... imagine our parties... no wait. don't.

Hope it went ok :-) You'll like XP a lot more than ME.

heh. You know, if I did that my kids would deliberatly misbehave, so I would drive them around on the hood one more time.

Only 99 mph? Wuss.

LMAO!!!! I bet that does calm them right down ;-)

LOL!!! That is great. What age do you recommend beginning use of this "alternative" parenting method?

I'm with Lee..99 mph..is that all ya got? That's normal driving for people in New Jersey.

When I posted this one early on, I got more than a few private emails because that kids looks a little bit too much like Logan. *whistles*

ROFL ... maybe I should try that!

OMG that is priceless! ROFL

holy hell!!!
i thought i was the only one who did that.
works wonders.

LMAO...if only...

Yeah sure... lol

Man Genuine, please warn your readers who may be eating dinner when they read...I need Windex now

lmao...I love it!

hahahhaa...remind me Genuine to consult you if I ever have children *still giggling*

I love this!!! Can't wait to show my husband our new way of discipline. Maybe this one will actually work!!

LOL

Fall asleep while he's chewing your...uh...backside?

I don't think an explanation is necessary. He will probably get the picture when he sees the puddle of drool on the papers you are working on.

FIRST you have to remember his/her name. THEN.....then....crap I forget. Zzzzzzz.

Double overtime finally catching up with you?

I was spent after the first two periods let alone double overtime. Mrs G almost had the baby twice on odd man chances!

Have you tried high doses of coffee?

wear dark sunglasses and master sleeping sitting up with a phone in your hand up to your ear so it continually looks like your busy... eh screw it put your head down on your desk and enjoy a nice nap before you get fired *lmao*.

Show him pictures of your children's rec room and let him know you had a bad case of falling on one of genuine kid's toys and knocked out your head. After that, you have noticed you fall asleep in the wierdest places, one of them albeit you apologize is work. It would work I tell you!

Obviously written by a highly intelligent person.

I've eaten so much chocolate in the past week, I'll be delightful the rest of the year.

Did Michelle write that?

But money can buy the expensive chocolate. Remember that! :)

HAH!!!! I love that! Printing it out and giving it to TJ. Although, I think he may have a copy because he keeps a stash of chocolate in case of "emergencies".

Chocolate wouldn't be safest for me, I am not a sweets person. But throw in a house plant, or a Diet Dr. Pepper, and I am good!

oooooh...chocolate???!!! WHERE??!!

See that first one would get me in trouble. "You got me MILK CHOCOLATE?!!! WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR HOW MANY YEARS AND YOU BRING ME MILK CHOCOLATE?!!! I AM CARRYING YOUR THIRD CHILD AND YOU DON'T HAVE THE DECENTCY TO BRING ME DARK BELGIAN CHOCOLATE????"

Um...yes dear.

I don't do chocolate either. Bring me a daisy or tulip instead :) (are you listening somewhere out there, honey?)

I think there is something wrong with a woman that doesn't do chocolate! It's like a man without a remote!!

LOL too true.

I'm pretty sure Genuine girl is going to be one scary politician when she grows up.

Politician, doctor, lawyer, loophole quisher mom. Whatever she is I hope that she finds her passion and doesn't let anyone else talk her out of it. (like I almost did!!) She has the drive to be great at whatever she decides. Auntie is pulling for whatever makes her happy!!!! Because SHE ROCKS!!!

Hehee..too cute!

Very cute...Kids are too precious. Can I have the boy too?

Such profound truth from such a small mouth!!
I just love her to death.

It's always fun to read the conversations that go on at your dinner table. That daughter of yours is pretty sharp!

You got a smart one!

Is it wrong that I was thinking the same thing as Gboy?

Haha. I heard a mother telling her child in the store yesterday "It's not Christian to whine. God doesn't like it, so you better stop." I had no idea that such a tactic would actually work. ;-)

Gotta love when they think it through like that.

GG is one totally cool little girl.
I can't wait till she's a teenager!

LOL ok that was too darn funny!

Reminds me of something too. An engineer I worked with once said to me (when we were strategizing for computer upgrades and software training for staff) "Where's your positive attitude? Be like Abraham Lincoln!!"

I paused a split second to remember Abe's dream forewarning his own death and how he IGNORED it, then replied -

"Oh sure, he got his brains blown out, that's where his positivity got him."

Shut him right up. :-)

Heee - I love that commercial...

he freaks the fuck out of me...that's one screwed up looking dude and personally, I think kids would run screaming from him.

I guess that wasn't very nice or pc of me, huh?

My husband thinks he's hilarious, I turn away in fear. Freakish.

And here I was thinking of inviting him to dinner.

That's Busy Dad, I didn't tell you? Anyway, congrats on your milestone!

Scares the crap out of me. My son pays close attention and my daughter thinks it's strange and laughs. I think it's creepy!!!!

Don't kid yourself, the government agents just haven't pinpointed your location yet. They are probably closing in even as I write this.
I think that bald guy was my 7th grade science teacher...

No, the bald guy IS one of the government agents, and now that you've expressed your loathing of him, you're really in for it.

Yes, he gives me the creeps, too. My eight year old son says that there's something about him that's "just wrong."

I dig the bald guy! Thats funny stuff!

Congrats on your 100th post! I hope I can hang in there that long. lol

Kinda make you NOT want to go ~ what if he's actually there?
Any by the way ~ I'm from Jersey and we NEVER called it "six flags" ~ it's "Great Adventure" and always will be.

Oh, it's always called "Six Flags" here.

I like the Dutch music of the commercial but the dancing bald guy looks to much like my old math teacher. Only he wouldn't dance. And he wasn't bold ;)

Nancy is right - it's Great Adventure.. and I will always call it that!

I think he's hilarious. And a better commercial than the last campaign of theirs that I remember, which implied that you could get to a Six Flags easily from anywhere in the US--patently not true for Portland, Oregon!

Another Jersey-ite...Great Adventure

I LOVE the bald guy. (I wonder what he
really looks like without the "bald").
Probably some good lookin hunk! Hope he got
paid lots of $$$$$$ Hope you post 1,000,000
more. You are just terrific!!

He might look weird but he's a great dancer :)

My husband and I call the dancing old guy --Uncle Junior - since he bears an uncanny likeness to Uncle Junior on the Sorpranos. I think the dancing thing is freaky. My husband and son like it. I wanted to go to Great Adventure (nobody in Jersey calls it Six Flags)on Easter(because I haven't been in years) but it rained -- OF COURSE.

Did you say wigglieness?? FREAKY

No I typed it....there, now I said it. Aloud even :-)

Lee, just be glad you are an Av's fan!!!

LOL. Just wait a few years...

Her female mentor is training her well. Be afraid. Be very afraid ;)

Just wait til sound effect comes into play with that eyeroll! That sound means "you are the dumbest person on this planet". Look for that to start at about age 12.

She is probably working on perfecting her "harumph" that usually accompanies the rolling of the eyes. You are in BIG trouble...BIG trouble....

Wait until she tells you that you aren't using your listening ears. /giggle

sounds like her teenage years will be interesting, to say the least!

Teenage years...UUUUUGGGHHH
I'm already in tears because I'm arguing with a 4 year old. A 4 YEAR OLD!!! Can you say clash of the titans?

My daughter was far more unreasonable at 3 or 4 than she is now at 18. Some of them civilize quite nicely, but I can't tell you how or why. I don't know. (And if I give away the secret, they will drum me out of the Cool Mom's Club, and I can't risk that.)

Hee hee hee! Just wait!!! Then all of a sudden they turn a corner and become easier! That's just recently happened! (2 months) But never forget that they know it all already!!! Just ask them

I like your kid. She sounds adorable. hehe

By the way Genuine Girl is a teenager, you will be rich from your blog writing that you can afford to take long vacations from the whines.

*rotfl* - You know, I have three kids and one of them, my 6 year old, can make the smartest of people feel stupid in any situation with little answers like your daughter. Aah kids *lol*.

if you find that list, let me know ... and let me know where you got it. because i'm constantly finding new things that my 6-year-old knows.

My daughter has mastered the art of eye rolling. It is really a very technical thing that she practices quite freely on everything I say! Good luck to ya!

eye rolling and that snapping of the tongue sound are two of the reasons I never wanted to have a girl! I'M SCARED, HOLD ME!

LOL...My daughter is 6 and in kindergarten, she is currently in accelerated reading and accelerated math, when I got this info that she was in these classes...I said wow Brianna, why did they put you in such a tough program? She rolled her eyes, and said "Geesh mom, Imma Genius"...I laughed so hard I cried. Kids say the darnedest things that flat out floor ya sometimes. I love it.

umm... why did you tell that joke with the word 'Miss' in it... I think it would have been just as funny with and 'Okay Mr' *eye roll*

Must be a girl thing. Both my girls know that look already. That's when I head to the fridge for another beer.

I feel challenged, not to teach, just challenged. Does that count?

Do you have the music uploaded to your web site? If so, send me an email and I will help you do the link :)

Oh no, there's more to learn? Eek!

Everything's a challenge for me...

I'd offer to help, but I need to learn it too! I'm still a newbie blogger, so that counts me out.

If you can handle the snow!

I was listening to Lewis & Floorwax this morning and they were saying they had to sweep off all the seats today.

Gotta love that CO weather! It'll be 80 tomorrow. Hah!

1st make sure your mpg is alloneword or has underbars_ between_words. No blank spaces please.

then do the a href="http://www.genuineblog.com/mpegname.mpg" i left out the little less than and greater than brackets so this would show.

if you put the mpg in a special folder, say music, the the link would look like, a href="http://www.genuineblog.com/music/mpegname.mpg"

Have fun at the game! My in-laws are from Denver so I know all about Bronco, Rockies, et al fever.

Hell I'm lucky to post and trackback...doncha feel better now? lol

That's ok. I have that song stuck in my head now. Thanks.

LOL! I think I'll pass, but Happy Easter to you!

Had deviled eggs for breakfast ... hmmm... maybe we'll have them for lunch ...
at which course do you eat the chocolate bunny?

I'll take 6.

Shutup.. I'm eating for two.

Happy Easter.

I'll take 6 and I'm only eating for one. Oh hush!

Happy Delirious Ether to you and the whole Genuine clan!

Darn, I can't eat eggs anymore.

But have one for me and wish everyone a Happy Easter!!

oh.
my.
gawd.
i just read the 100 Things you did for Michele, at Coffee Soup.

I will now be sending you hourly nude photos of myself.
which you may not immediately interpret as a good thing, but by god, you've got me riled!

I'm all egged out, thanks. :) Happy Easter!

Right after I finish the egg salad ....

um...No Thank you!

I'll take a chocolate one? My kids won't share. pout. Happy Easter!

1. I love deviled eggs, but please pack them in dry ice.

2. Where in the hell are the other 75 Things you promised me???

*crosses arms, taps foot*

dont make me puke... I have eggs coming out of my... well you know.

Ewwwwww....eggies! I thought I was over my anti-egg phase but I still don't like em. ewwwww

No thanks, but I do have another pound or so of salt water taffy you can have.

I ate enough on Easter that I strated clucking...not good!

that was supposed to have said started...I am sleepy, having a blonde moment, and apparently can't spell! Have a good one!

I have to admit that I've never been much of a wine drinker. I'll use white wine to sautee` shrimp now and then, but that's really about it. I do remember a bottle of blackberry wine my ex-fiance brought me from Vermont once.. I never drank it because it was in a beautiful, heart-shaped bottle, but I loved it. LoL

I have to admit I'm not much of a drinker. Mostly because within ten minutes I am suffering from hot flashes, staggering and slurring my speech, which is quickly followed by an overwhelming urge to nap. At best, a white wine spritzer is about all I can handle without landing on my face.

I have no clue on wines either (give me a good vodka) but I definitely sympathize with your wife. I was the designated driver for about 7 years here. LOL

No wine for me, I'm ditzy enough already.

Gawd, you're killing me here!

Wine is high in histamines -- THE highest actually. Thus, it will now kill me. But I miss it so. *sigh*

I think you ought to find a great spa for couples and take your wife for your anniversary. You two can be all pampered all weekend and if you want to drink too, at least she doesn't have to drive you. She can just go get a massage and enjoy it in style :-)

I got completely shitfaced on asti spumanti on my 20th birthday. Since that day, wine only makes it into my system via cooking.

I got a major crying jag on, on my 20th birthday...didn't wanna grow up, dontchaknow. Maybe it was the wine.

I don't drink at all but congrats on the new baby! You're very blessed!

No offense to Mindy but I'd rather read about wine and chocolate!

I'm not a big wine drinker (or drinker period) and thus, I dont know much. I am more a white wine person then a red...

Now chocolate...that I can talk about. I'm a fan of dark chocolate. My favorite chocolate of the moment is any dark chocolate surrounding long stemmed strawberries. Favorite brands of chocolate are: Sees, Cadbury with Almonds, and Lindt.

I love white zin. I love it!! I don't drink it very often but a sweet ( but not overly sweet) wine is my favorite. I can't drink too much because I can't even pronounce my name and I say things that are risque after about 3 glasses. After the 4th I'm licking the carpet. Not a pretty sight.

Red for me, and I like most good Bordeaux's and any St Emilion Grand Cru or the like :) -

The last two summer vacations in France Len brought back something like 75 bottles of wine!! Last year, we had to leave the double stroller behind to accommodate the wine!

Now, red wine and Belgian Chocolate... at the same time - OMG pleasure doesn't even come close to describing the sensation!!

Had a really nice Chateau D'Assault 95 last year. I'll drink almost anything as long as it's good and, though I'm a red fan I am getting to like some whites too (Alsacienne friend).

Have you tried a chilled red Sancerre? Very nice

So... which one is the theme??

LOL..hey she's my daughter's favorite singer right now. She's a Contemporary Christian artist. Great voice

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Hey, there was only one Rice Krispy treat. Why should I share my one true love? I was only thinking of Genuine Boy's little brother. He's really the one that likes them!! Besides he didn't know it was even an option. And yea don't mess with the pregnant lady! I love krispy treats!:)

There is a law that says pregnant women do not have to share with anyone else ... doesn't matter if they are an adult or a child. There really is. :)

I believe there's also a law somewhere stating that questioning a pregnant woman about her lack of sharing is out, too.

I do believe you are right, Shylah! That is a punishable offense! :)

Wonder what punishment MrsG will have for Geniune??? LOL

there are actually people who don't know these things? Pregnant women are the bosses of everyone and everything! duh!

1. Not only do they NOT have to share, or even let on that there IS something to share, they are entitled SNATCH anything that looks enticing from a child with an exclamation of, "Oh, honey, look! There's dirt all over this and I don't want you to get sick! Daddy will find you something better when we get home." And then use the front seat headrest to disguise the fact that you are stuffing it into your own face.

2. If a pregnant woman announces she is hungry in the car, do NOT scrounge around for something to placate her, do NOT ask if she can wait until you reach the destination, do NOT attempt to distract her. Get off the road, man, and find that woman something to eat.

3. I think I have covered the most important points, but for good measure, please go back and read items 1 and 2 one more time. And then go ask your wife if you can get her anything to eat.

That's right Mrs. G. You tell him. You don't have to share right now. Come on now Genuine. Let the lady have her treats in peace!

Pregnant women are not women to muck with, seriously, been there, done that, like 4 times, I know! *LOL*

I have to add this to Mindy's list...

4. Everything on her plate belongs to her and no one else can have any.

5. Anything on hubby's plate belongs to her too if she so chooses to claim it.

You men really must understand and grasp these rules asap so you won't loose as many fingers in the learning process. =]

Ditto everything above! :)

LOL

Good job Mrs. G.
don't give up your stash.

I had something really profound and funny to say but by the time I got to the end of your post I forgot what it was. I think that's a sign that it's past my bedtime! LOL at MrsG not sharing her treat. I can totally identify and I'm NOT pregnant! Lol

Add to the above:
There is no such thing as a "silly" craving. Every craving is to be taken seriously as if it were a life or death matter. It may be - yours.

Screw sharing! Sharing is for dorks.

Oh and my co-wroker made some homemade bread today and he had the gall to tell me that the bread was good enough and didn't need any of the butter that was sitting out on the counter....

What is he new or something!!??

I'll put butter on my butter if i want to, thank you very much!!

Us preggos ARE the bosses of everything.

Have fun!

Have fun! I'll be the one in front of the TV at home, OK? Wave to me!

YEAH NO KIDS!!! What the heck am I saying????!!! They'll be here. YEAH I'LL HAVE KIDS!!! (insanity is running rampid here!!!)hee hee!

Have fun at the game!

Sounds great!

OH! I am so jealous!! Tell Peter Hi for me...

Who won?

He likes me, he really likes me!

Thanks for the link :)

Yee Gads you get to work early......

*waves* Hi Sweetie... thanks for the BIF *smoochies* and all the amusing IM's when you're half tanked ;)

I'm sure it was the encouragement that kept you going, but you are a pretty damn good blogger!!

What a great idea!! I'm off to check out your featured bloggers. I'll have to do this too soon!

Thanks for the idea. Just yesterday I was thinking of a friend who gets too few hits, and what to do for her.
Used your idea! Linked you too!
Wow! feel the love!

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me too man...lol

YAWN!!! Who has the time! There's no yawning at work! Get busy!

I don't know if I should be happy or scared. It's wonderful to be recognized by a fellow blogger, but frightening to know that I actually inspired anyone. Especially you ;-).

HOLY CRAP!!! It's Hulk-a-mania in your house!!!

Aw man... now I'm all nostalgic for coloring easter eggs. Maybe I'll go get me some Paaz on the way to work. :)

I am NOT showing that to Ben. He'll want to try it! But what a CUTE picture! Glad it was at your house!! hehe.. cute kid!

The poor child is beyond mortal assistance now. It may wear off in time. On the other hand, his need for comic books may be increasing sharply. Watch for bicep development, and for god's sake, don't piss him off!

Awwww little green baby fingers!! I could eat them up!!! lol

Being a nurse, I do have a "tonic" that we could give him. Do you have any objection to major hair growth on the knuckles and toes. There is also an aversion to the full moon side-effect...

But what a great smile on that little green hulk!
Coloring eggs is something I still do after all these many years, even without having kids!
HAPPY EASTER GENUINE, MRS. GENUIINE, HULK BOY AND PRINCESS GENUINE

I fear the day when he and Daniel get together!!

He got his whole hand in his nose? Sweet, I wish I could do that.

Hmmm, Secretary of State, eh. I like it. My first official act will be to declare peace on earth! Now everybody, just get along, dammit!

I don't know what my second official act will be, but I'll betcha a single malt scotch will be involved!

Hey, I just declared world freakin' peace! I should at least get a drink, right?

What, no cabinet position for me? /pout

Alexia, I'm on the Mommy Track. Wanna job-share?

Ya got my vote - I'm convinced the lot of you could do better than those clowns in the White House now. At the *very* least, you can't do any worse.

Just make sure you don't allow butterfly ballots in Florida!

ooh! *waving hand in the air* Can I be the Belgian Ambassador!!

I don't want a Cabinet position(too much pressure), but would like to be involved in the campaign somehow. Can't I work in press relations or google ranking or something? Please, I really wanna play with the other bloggers.

ok, but will I have to like, do anything? Or can I just give speeches and bitch a lot?

I accept!!!

Watch out for the hanging chads!

I nominate myself for the position (I forgot what you call it) the one where you drink margaritas and nap all day and watch alot of reality tv. That's the one I want.

I totally and completely second the nomination of ASB to Attorney General :)

I think I will take you up on that job sharing offer Mindy :)

I'm glad you didn't drag me into this. I hate politics. LOL!

I am SO there dude. I graciously accept your nomination, even though I'm sure you have some ulterior motive that I shall reveal as part of my ineternal investigations of this motley group you have assembled ;-)

I'd love to nominate myself but that separation of the Church of Kazoofus from State takes me out of the running.

Bummer.

I'd vote for ya...surely you can do better than the moron in right now!

Oh sure! With all the PTA experience I have and you overlook that? Oh wait. I guess that you overlooked that is a good thing.

Can I be the Director of Interior Design? The Sultan of Shopping? The Director of Domestic Divas? How about the Chairman of all things Coffee? ;-)

**rubs eyes**
Hey..I just woke up after hiding from doing work...
I'm in!! What is it that i'm doing?

ah yes..King of Procrastination..

I had a great job in Buzz's government a while back... at least I think it was Buzz's... I can't remember what it was, but it involved me killing lots of people on the sly. I'm all for that. ;)

great post by the way. I'd vote for you (he).

Hey..you forgot to pick a young white house intern! You might want to pick someone who does laundry a tad more often than Monica did though! That kind of evidence will get ya everytime! =P

I am honored.

I promise to try to figure out a way for all us bloggers to make money at this bloggin thing without any book writing involved.

Ohh... and without raising taxes either.

Do Secretaries get interns too? :)

Why, thanks! I accept the nomination. Now, hold still while I give you your shot...

you been drinking again

When you're elected what are you going to do about the high cost of blogging services?

Now that's a job I will GLADLY take!

I played a lot of sports as a kid, too. I played basketball and dislocated my right knee. I played softball, and dislocated my left knee. Played volleyball and dislocated them both, and tore ligaments in them both - all in one fall.

I was born to be a spectator.

It's probably a good thing you didn't have hockey. The eyesight and not sleeping are one thing, but then you wouldn't have any teeth either...

If there is anything better than playoff hockey, I haven't found it.

You're in Colorado!? Awesome! I lived there for a dozen years or so before moving back east (don't ask) in 2002.

I know what you mean about the old thing. I NEED to get back in the gym deperately and by the time I finish the twelve hour day of work/commute I need an hour to wind down...then I'm spent. Almost no time for the gym. And I'm out of shape now. Damn computers!

My trouble is not needing to win the competition. But I don't accept failure very well. My dad was one of those "failure is not an option" guys. So I learned to hate myself every time I failed at something. My biggest competition is myself.

I miss playing sports greatly. My brother is in his 50s and plays raquetball like the devil! He's scary good at it.

Hockey, I love hockey. A few years ago I'd never have said that, but my ex-boyfriend got me into it. I enjoy watching... I can't convince myself to play.

I was never very althetic since they kicked me out of baseball. "Girls play softball." Not this girl, thank you very much. I play baseball.

Hey, you hear who won in Detroit? ;P

All exercise should be left to the trained professionals whose salaries can support their injuries. The rest of us can just watch.

I hate to lose more than you do.

Yeah, I'm the most competitive person I know. It's almost sickening.

I know I'll probably get kicked off your site for saying this but...
GO WINGS!!!!!!!!!
We won yesterday...I'm so proud of my boys :-D

They only thing worse than being competitive is being married to someone that is. I gave up on beating Genuine at anything physical (well almost anything)...no competition to be found in that arena. We have now outlawed cards, I can't even beat him in a game of gin.You think I could've slipped one in somewhere in seven years. Now we compete to see who makes it out the door first in the morning! *damn* I lost again. Thats it...I quit! Shit I lost again. Does it ever end?

One Moore cup.

Lee is cool...way cool! Why stop at 1 Moore? He's coming back for revenge next year!!!

daily

YES!!! I can soooo relate.

Yeah, and sometimes I feel like I'm the only one at the game, too.

Each and every time I come to work.

I'm with Busy Mom.

all the time. All the damn time.

or even the only one who even wants to play the game?

Or the one who came up with "there's no I in TEAM". Maybe they forgot how to spell.

Nah, I'm Lucy in the outfield who lets the ball fall right in front of her and then complains about the bad pitching. *winks*

I have even felt like I was the only one with a ticket!
P.S. There is no "I" in "TEAM", but there is "ME"!!!!

all the time!

I'm pretty sure they wouldn't even let me join the team.

LOL...um yes. Right before I left my career behind. I think teamwork is a farce. It's an unrealistic idea that gets thrown around but is impossible to achieve most of the time. This is why I love my cats more than people most of the time too. ;-) LOL

They do that to you ... and in a split second too. They remind you that God does exist. They remind us what we live and die for. They show us that love is the most powerful emotion we were blessed with.

It never ceases to amaze me.

I got chills just reading this story...WOW!

Makes you feel all mushy inside don't it? I love my 4 kids, and have had moments very similiar. They drive us crazy one minute, and aw us the next.

♥ *squeezes your hand in acknowledgment*

Well done.

Wow, proud Daddy. Savor those moments...they grow up much too quickly. Good for you.

that's wonderful.

Sweet story. Chills here, too...

Happy Easter...

::sniffle::
Ya got any tissues? You just made me cry...

*sniff* That was really sweet.

Pass the tissues. Kids do that. One minute they're making you crazy, and the next you realize they are their own independent person, and an amazing person at that.

what a feeling...there is truly nothing quite like it...you captured it well here, thank you for sharing =]

How wierd. I had a moment very much like that last night, and again this morning. Kiddos do funny things to their parents, don't they?

Wow! Thank you for sharing that. I hope that I've made my own father just as proud. I know I couldn't have a better father than if I had picked him myself!

It's kinda difficult to type with tears ...any tissues left around here?

i'm crying. thank you. that was nice. my son was my salvation through very trying times. i see him as my angel, and i am not even a christian. i'm just a loving mom, moved by your entry. thanks.

Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh.... that was beautiful. Truly.

Thanks for putting words to such a special moment. I really needed to read that today - you saved me from the bus...

Daaaamn, Daddy!

Let the *squishing* commence!

She was beautiful and did such a great job!!!

What a beautiful story. :-) You're seeing her as a person....and so soon!! Must have been an awesome experience :-)

xanax = best friend.

when i'm tired the darvocet really helps... however, I don't think it actaully makes me drowsy... just takes the pain away so i can sleep. :) mmm sleep - where there is no physical pain.

I want to go back to bed now.

Diazepam. It's the generic for Valium, but get diazepam becacuse there's not as much stigma attached and you won't stay up worrying about that. (As if.)

Xanax also kicks butt.

Dang! I need to go to all of your docs! Mine says, "drink a glass of red wine before bed." And here I am hoping for something medicinal to accompany the wine...

There's this song, sung to the tune of the Little Drummer Boy:

Come, they told me
Lorazepam..pam
A newfound drug to see
Lorazepam..pam

I don't know what it does, but I have to say I do agree with the insomnia bit (or perhaps it was just I took a nap from 5-8 pm yesterday). I stayed up til 5. No wonder I didn't feel like getting up this morning. bleh!

Nap, what's that?????

Hey, they sell that on the street corners in Glasgow!

You mean you can get drugs for this??
I thought I was doomed to spend the rest of my nights reading blogs and hitting send and receive in my email.

Yes, Xanax is such a dear friend, but I hate taking it to sleep, so my doc prescribed Ambien, which was OK but expensive so now we're trying Temazepam - hope I have more luck. Haven't tried it yet.

I HATE the time change, I wish they'd leave it to this time and be done with it.

Hope you got some sleep...

Are we all in time change hell or what? Sleeping's off, I'm not hungry at the right times for meals, I'm still finding more clocks and watches to update around here. According to you guys, drugs may be the answer. :)

Damn, yall sound like a bunch of druggies...LOL

Whatever happened to warm milk or counting sheep?

But I can fall asleep after drinking a pot of coffee, so I can't sympathize with ya.

I'm thinking that next year I will not turn my clocks ahead an hour - now granted I will be late to work, late to everything by an hour for, what half the year, but it wont mess up my sleep pattern ANNNNNND the big plus is when we have to turn the clocks BACK an hour in the fall I wont have to remember to go around my house doing that hense I will already have the correct time and show up on time for everything for the REST of the year... good idea, right?! *insert 'threes company/crissy' laugh*

I actually looked this one up. Get yourself some Clonazepam. The lowest does could knock out a horse but they work really well . Not that I'm advocating improper drug use or anything.

Actually, "expectorate" implies more than just "spitting", it is usually used to instruct someone to hark up a loogie.

Hey, what's with the "we"? I don't do strange things in the shower! Well, ok, I do other things but shower, but...oh, forget it.

Yeah, Theresa, I was just gonna say- speak for yourself there, G. And do your really NEED a whole category for strange things you do in the shower?????

I brush my teeth in the shower. I have everyday from age 16 when I had my own apartment.

My husband doesnt, he uses the sink like a good boy, but this is whats awesome. He puts the toothpaste pack in the shower caddy when he is done. True love I say.

I knew I could count on you to make me smile today. Thanks.

I do brush my teeth sometimes in the shower when I'm late for work :)....it cuts down the time into half.

i brush my teeth in the shower as well, mainly because i hate those little "toothpaste dots" you get on the mirror if you do it at the sink....blech.

4 out of 5 dentists surveyed find that brushing teeth in the shower .............

omg...i thought my husband was strange for brushing his teeth in the shower! Now I know he's not the only strange one, lol.

Didn't you mention that you work in a law office? Aren't you guilty of using legalese and big words when little ones will do? I expectorate on your documents. (J/K, I would never do that).

I like my dress shoes "Expectorated Shined".

She's a little "Expectorate-fire"

Yeah. I'm with you. Spitting is better. But brushing your teeth in the shower? Yeah - I dont do that.

"I'm especially good at expectorating...my what a guy, that Gaston!!!"

Sorry, couldn't help it, I love Disney cartoons.

HA! I had the same exact thought as asb. That's my favorite line in Beauty and the beast and now I can't stop singing it. I'm sure Mike will thank you for that.

I am having a hard time expectorating my words today.

But I expectorated in the face of someone I didn't like...lol jk

I expectorated some food out when I sneezed at supper though...ewww tmi huh?

Just isn't the same...oh well.

Genuine you lil" Ass Machine Juice you...he he he

I to like to brush my teeth in the shower, they always feel cleaner when i do!

Abs x

Okay, if you pee in the shower, can you spare us the post about it? :)

Wait, when we "spring forward" don't we lose an hour of sleep? *confused*

But maybe I have no clue here, I grew up in Indiana where we don't follow this madness. It upsets the cows. ;)

Nope. Spring ahead. We LOSE an hour sleep. And now that it's bright and sunny out at 8pm the kids think I'm pulling the wool over their eyes by putting them to bed when it's bright out.

I think you've met your match with Genuine Boy! snicker. Those tickle wars sound all too familiar.

Where do they get those bony butts? Frozen peas work just as well, btw. LOL

Oh my gosh...this makes me want to read every_single_one_of_your_entries! Thanks for the laughs!

LOL Sounds like what weekend mornings were meant to be! Which reminds me, have you seen that commercial for Dairy Queen where the father has his little boy in a pouch on his front and the boy kicks him and then head butts him?? LOL That's what your story reminded me of.

Oh yea, HI to Michelle :-) Nice to know the boy has a Mom too!!

"like the microsoft update"....that was too good :-)

Note to self: Never eat previously frozen "anything" at Genuine's house...

My son has protection. One of my dogs? He gets MAD when I tickle my son. I have to sneak them in when he's not looking. So we have quick bursts of tickling, but no full scale wars!

ahh... the remembered joys of childhood. However, we have tickle fights in my house too... usually involves me, my roommate and my boyfriend... i love sunday mornings...

however, i have to be honest, i earned it yesterday... i did give him a wedgie - i think that's why ash waited so long to come to my rescue... hmmm

Sounds like the scene at our house on weekends. Cries of "Chase us, Dad!!" ending in a wrestling match on our bed that would rival any WWF Smackdown. Heh.

Reading her blog moved me to tears. Remembering a time with my grandparents especially and how much I loved them and loved having them live with us.
6 almost 7 years it's been and we still haven't divided their things totally because #1 there is too much stuff and #2 none of us can bring ourselves to do it yet. Their room is still in order in our home because if I have a bad day I can go in there and feel their presence and legacy of love they left behind for us. Someday it will have to be changed because of my aging parents.(may be sooner than we think)
I generally don't go onto the links that you show but this one was different. This one was moving, inspiring, and beautiful. Thank you for posting it.

Okay now that I'm crying. I was my parents' executrix and had to do that very same thing. You are never quite the same. But when I looked into my great nephew's face and saw my daddy...I knew that he had lived on.

wow, that was very thought provoking. kinda makes me sad...my grandparents will likely be passing on sooner than later..

*shakes head*

what was tj thinking?????

thank god i have an alarm system

Daddy has a little monster in his head. The monster lives from hearing noises. If it's reaaaaaally quiet, the monster will go away. Will you help daddy?

Just a friendly bit of advice from me to you: Next time try cheesecake instead of whiskey!

Now, is it the kids that drive you to drink, or the drink that drives you to drink?

{she exits to pour herself a Baily's on ice}

Ooohh I have this great .gif somewhere of a book called, "You're the Reason Daddy Drinks." I'll have to find it for you!

You need some hair of the dog that bit you...take another drink. I'll join you. Mud slides sound good?

ARE YOU FEELING BETTER YET!?!?!?!?!?

Uh, that would be a good thing in my book, LOL.

Yes.

Bad.

Well, if it's Viagra, it's a good thing...or maybe not. If it's a sleep aid, it's a bad thing...or maybe not. I'm with Busy Mom. "Yes" is the best answer here.

Nothing like a trip to the E.R. to really enhance your weekend.

With kids????? The drowziness side effect is best.

Um, maybe???

depends on the effect...if it's an enema...ewww

I think "good" and "bad" are relative terms...why don't you give it a test run for us, Genuine?

what Busy Mom said :)) Yes.

But watch for the hangov... um. Nevermind.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

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That's not a biological clock ticking, is it? Can't be mine, I had it removed... bwhahahahahaha

Don't tell me the toy bomb is about to explode again! AAGGHHHH, everyone run for your lives!

Tick

And the appropriate response to this would be? LOL

The mouse ran up the clock?

Umm... does this mean you've run out of things to blog about?

What? Naked...

Oh, shit, you're right! How the hell did that happen?! Damn, I'd really better lay off the Kook-Aid.

Someone PUH-LEASE get Buddha out of my banana tree....

AL-KEE-HOL??!!! Where? *cough cough cough* a hot toddy would help with this cough *hee*

nothing like inviting yourself and all your friends and acquantances to someone elses party. sheesh

What the..!!! How the hell did Sandra get over here?? She swore that she would be loyal! That she would only psycho-stalk me. What a lyin' bitch!!

At least I still have Kate. Or do I?

If you'll excuse me, I have to go re-evaluate my life.

Ummm time to wake up now Genuine. (said in a soothing voice)

Oh Buzz...there's enough of me to go around.

*winks*

Yeah, Kathy Howe visits my site too, she's a babe :-)

AHEM! OK...who's the imposter winking at Buzz?!? I see you didn't expect me to show up here today! I just stopped in to say hi to my favorite blogger!

*waves and scurries off to the set of her new movie*

*shudder*

I have yet to experience that one with QuirkyBoy. I did, however, find a glass of milk in his underwear drawer this morning. Luckily, it was still upright.

I had that high pitched voice this evening. I was trying to get my oldest boy (a huge 10 year old... most people think he is 13) the proper way to get lift when kicking a soccer ball. He got his form and technique perfect and launched the ball from about four feet away. Yep, perfect shot. Dropped his old man like a bad habit.

When my oldest boy was a baby(two), he had taken his diaper off as he always did, I seen him squatting in the corner by his toys, didn't think a thing about it. I had my hand out on my knee (sitting on the couch), when all of a sudden I felt something warm in my hand, I looked, and to my surprise, a little terd was in my hand! Kids! Gotta love em'!

ok...all you parents are making me not want to have kids. Thank you for the public service announcement *shudder*

*gag*, I have a tipsy stomach tonight, and I really didn't need that, LOL! Excuse me while I go hurl.

Two points for the boy! That is so hysterical!!!

At least he didn't eat it...

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for sharing that with all of us.

Ha! I really like that kid.

Damn Genuine...that jes ain't righttttttttttttt
bleeeeeeeeeechhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

*dry heaves*
At least he's a passer and not an eater or a smearer, right?

And don't say he never gave you anything...

ahhh the joys of parenting eh? LOL

LMAO...you're all too funny!

I hope he out grows that before high school football ;)

ROFL - that cracks me up. I guess you aren't a digger then? ;-)

I have to search out the boogers in this house....

BOOGER TISSUE

ROTF.... see, this is the kind of stuff I don't miss about being a Respiratory Therapist!!! And thanks for linking back to this... quite the story!!

Been there....got that.....the fact that our children still live is proof that we are unequivically parental units, but imagine if someone in an elevator did the same thing....What would you do/say?

omg, Busy Chatty Employee and I were just talking about that movie a little while ago!

Youre kidding right? My husband has had that movie on repeat in the DVD player. for at least a year now. It's making me sick. I can't stand the movie any longer and the worse part is I can almost quote the entire thing. If it's not Strange Brew its Slapshot! I'd take Brother Bear over either one anyday.

P.S. I'd kiss you but I got puke on my breath.

take off you hoser, i LOVE that movie!

koo-loo-koo-koo-koo-koo-koo-koooo

BOB: Zoom out, eh. Let's show them how big the screen is, eh. .. Like normally we just have Great White North, eh, but look we got .. what's that over there?
DOUG: Ok, like England, Ireland and France, eh.
BOB: He's a genious. He knows the islands.

BOB: This movie was shot in 3B, three beers and it looks good, eh?

BOB: There wasn't much to do. All the bowling alleys had been wrecked. So's I spent most of my time looking for beer.
BOB: Like, he once got our dead battery goin by mixin' bird uh feces with uh spit, cause there's like acids in it, eh.

BOB: Geez, you're real nice. If I didn't have puke breath, I'd kiss you.

Nope, never seen it.